History— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and fluent: start with a clear topic sentence, reduce hesitations and filler words, and give one or two specific supporting details. Use linking words to connect ideas (e.g., “and”, “also”, “for example”). Limit your answer to up to five sentences.

例: Yes. I studied history at school, focusing mainly on local history and how it relates to national and global events. For example, we learned about key national revolutions and watched documentary films to understand historical contexts better.

提案: Provide a clear topic sentence, avoid pauses and small hesitations, and add a brief reason or example to make the answer more specific. Use linking words like “also” or “for instance”. Keep it within three sentences.

例: I usually learn history by reading books and watching documentaries. I also enjoy historical films from my country and abroad because they help me visualize events and understand different perspectives.

提案: Begin with a direct statement of the main benefit, cut out fillers, and then give one specific supporting detail or example to explain how history helps decision-making. Use linking words like “because” or “for example”.

例: The main benefit of learning history is that it helps us learn from past mistakes. For example, by studying economic crises in the past, policymakers can avoid repeating the same errors when designing new policies.

提案: Answer directly, remove hesitations, and expand slightly with a specific reason or an example about who benefits besides governments (e.g., citizens, students). Use a linking phrase such as “not only…but also” correctly and finish with a concise concluding remark.

例: Yes, I think learning history is important because it helps both governments and citizens avoid repeating mistakes. For example, understanding past public health responses can guide better planning for future epidemics.

× Yes, I have studied history when I was a student at the school, Uh, and the main topic of, uh, the history in the books was uh, about our local history and also, uh, the global history, which was connected, uh, to our own National History. Umm, we often watch documents.

✓ Yes, I studied history when I was a student at school, and the main topics in the history books were about our local history and also global history, which was connected to our national history. We often watched documentaries.

The sentence mixes present perfect ('have studied') with a specific past time reference ('when I was a student'), so simple past ('studied') is correct. 'At the school' should be 'at school' or simply 'school'. 'The main topic of the history in the books was' is wordy and number disagreement: use plural 'topics' and 'books' with plural verb 'were'. 'National History' should be lowercase 'national history'. 'We often watch documents' is wrong: use past tense 'watched' to match the past context and 'documentaries' (correct noun). Suggestions: Use tense consistently (simple past for completed past events), match nouns and verbs in number, and use correct vocabulary ('documentaries').

× I usually U use books or watch documentaries to find specific information about history.

✓ I usually use books or watch documentaries to find specific information about history.

The error is an extraneous character 'U'. Remove it. The verbs 'use' and 'watch' are correct infinitive forms after adverb 'usually'. Suggestion: Proofread to remove typos and ensure verbs remain base form following adverbs of frequency.

× I also am keen to watch a historical movies about my own country and even other countries.

✓ I am also keen to watch historical movies about my own country and other countries.

There is an article-number mismatch: 'a' with plural 'movies' is incorrect. Either use singular 'a historical movie' or plural without 'a'. Also 'I also am' is awkward; 'I am also keen' is more natural. Suggestion: Match articles to count nouns (use 'a' with singular, omit with plural) and place adverbs naturally ('I am also keen').

× Uh, the main benefit that comes to my mind, uh, is learning from the past, uh, by learning history, uh, we can umm, umm, take lessons from, uh, our ancient, uh, people's mistakes and uh, try to make a better decision.

✓ The main benefit that comes to my mind is learning from the past; by learning history, we can take lessons from our ancestors' mistakes and try to make better decisions.

Problems: sentence punctuation/run-on and word choice. 'Ancient people's' is awkward — use 'ancestors' (possessive: 'ancestors' mistakes' or 'ancestors' mistakes' becomes 'ancestors' mistakes' but better 'ancestors' mistakes'). 'A better decision' is too specific; plural 'better decisions' is more natural. Also remove redundant fillers and join clauses properly. Suggestion: Use concise nouns like 'ancestors', choose plural when general ('decisions'), and fix run-on sentences using a semicolon or separate sentences.

× Of course, learning history not only helps governments to improve their policy, but also, uh, teaches them how to prevent, umm, repeated mistakes.

✓ Of course, learning history not only helps governments improve their policies but also teaches them how to prevent repeated mistakes.

'Helps governments to improve' is acceptable but more natural without 'to' ('helps governments improve'). 'Policy' should be plural 'policies' when speaking generally. Remove extra commas and fillers. Suggestion: Use plural for general nouns, omit unnecessary infinitival 'to' after 'help', and streamline sentence by removing fillers.

× And, uh, obviously.

✓ (Remove fragment)

'And, uh, obviously.' is a sentence fragment lacking a verb or object and adds no information. Either integrate 'obviously' into the previous sentence ('...prevent repeated mistakes, obviously.') or remove it. Suggestion: Avoid sentence fragments; attach short comment words to a full sentence or remove them.