Stories— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: In English (Bhutan), try to make your sentences clearer and more grammatically correct. Use linking words to connect your ideas smoothly and avoid redundancy. For example, clarify your feelings and the impact of the stories with proper tense and structure.

例: Yes, I loved stories in my childhood, especially those narrated by my grandparents. Listening to their stories made me feel like I was traveling back in time and exploring those eras myself. I felt very excited and often wondered how those times had vanished.

提案: In English (Bhutan), focus on making your sentences grammatically correct and clearer. Use linking words to explain reasons logically and avoid vague expressions. Also, try to be concise and avoid redundancy.

例: I prefer listening to stories rather than reading them because listening allows me to engage more deeply. Moreover, I can ask questions immediately if I have any doubts or need clarification.

提案: In English (Bhutan), try to avoid filler words like 'uh' and improve sentence structure for clarity. Use linking words to connect ideas and be more specific about your experience.

例: Yes, I wrote a story once when I was in grade 8 as a school project. Although I don't remember the exact details, the main moral of my story was about the importance of working hard.

提案: In English (Bhutan), be careful with word choice and sentence structure. Use linking words to explain your preferences clearly and avoid redundancy. Also, correct vocabulary like 'avid reader' instead of 'avid trader'.

例: I am an avid reader and enjoy genres like fantasy, fiction, and mystery. These types of stories keep me engaged and interested, which motivates me to finish the books.

× Yes, I love stories in my childhood especially narrated by my grandparents.

✓ Yes, I loved stories in my childhood especially those narrated by my grandparents.

The sentence refers to a past time ('my childhood'), so the verb should be in the past tense ('loved') to match the time frame. Also, 'especially narrated by my grandparents' is incomplete; adding 'those' clarifies the meaning.

× It feels like I'm traveling to the year or era and exploring it my it by myself.

✓ It feels like I'm traveling to that year or era and exploring it by myself.

The phrase 'exploring it my it by myself' is incorrect and redundant. Removing the extra 'my it' corrects the sentence structure and clarifies the meaning.

× I feel so excited listening to their stories and also wondered how they have vanish.

✓ I feel so excited listening to their stories and also wonder how they have vanished.

The sentence mixes present tense ('feel') with past tense ('wondered'). To maintain consistency, 'wondered' should be 'wonder' to match the present tense. Also, 'have vanish' is incorrect; the past participle 'vanished' is needed after 'have'.

× I feel so excited listening to their stories and also wondered how they have vanish.

✓ I feel so excited listening to their stories and also wonder how they have vanished.

After 'have', the verb should be in the past participle form. 'Vanish' is the base form; the correct past participle is 'vanished'.

× As you listen from another person it's feel like it's developed so much interesting part in yourself as well as you could ask question at that point regarding what you have doubt or any other issues.

✓ As you listen to another person, it feels like it develops a much more interesting part in yourself, and you can ask questions at that point regarding any doubts or other issues you have.

The sentence has several tense and agreement errors: 'it's feel' should be 'it feels' (third person singular), 'it's developed' should be 'it develops' (present tense), and 'you could ask question' should be 'you can ask questions' (modal verb and plural noun). Also, prepositions and article usage are corrected for clarity.

× Uh, yes, I did once when I was in grade 8 where we were asked to write in story as our project.

✓ Uh, yes, I did once when I was in grade 8, where we were asked to write a story as our project.

The phrase 'write in story' is incorrect; it should be 'write a story'. The rest of the sentence is correct in past tense.

× So I did right, but I can't remember exactly.

✓ So I did write, but I can't remember exactly.

The phrase 'did right' is incorrect; it should be 'did write' to indicate the past action of writing.

× I can't remember what I had written, but my moral was working hard.

✓ I can't remember what I had written, but the moral was to work hard.

The phrase 'my moral was working hard' is awkward. It should be 'the moral was to work hard' to express the intended meaning clearly.

× I am an avid trader, I like to read a genre like fantasy, fictional and a mysterious kind of books so that as reading I would keep myself engaged and find more interesting so that I can complete the books.

✓ I am an avid reader. I like to read genres like fantasy, fiction, and mysterious kinds of books so that while reading, I can keep myself engaged and find it more interesting, allowing me to complete the books.

'Trader' should be 'reader'. 'A genre like fantasy, fictional and a mysterious kind of books' is inconsistent; 'genres like fantasy, fiction, and mysterious kinds of books' is correct. Also, sentence structure and prepositions are improved for clarity.