Holidays— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Reduce fillers and improve sentence structure. Give a clear topic sentence, then one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Correct grammar (e.g., "when I was on holiday" and "the air show performed by the United States Air Force").

例: I visited Miami in March for three weeks. During my stay, I watched an air show performed by the United States Air Force, which was impressive because the pilots executed complex formations. I also enjoyed meeting local aviation enthusiasts and learning about the aircraft.

提案: Start with a direct statement, then give one or two specific reasons. Fix grammar ("the only chance", "my boss does not allow it"). Avoid redundancy. Use a linking word to connect reasons (e.g., "because").

例: Yes, I love holidays because they give me a chance to escape work and relax in a different country. For example, I can unwind on a beach or explore a new city, which helps me return to work refreshed.

提案: Be more concise and correct grammar ("when it's Christmas", "wholesome moments with my loved ones"). Give specific sensory details but keep to two or three sentences and use linking words like "because" and "for example."

例: I prefer Christmas because it falls in winter, and I enjoy being cozy at home. For example, I like drinking hot chocolate with my family and spending time caring for my pets, which makes the season feel very warm and special.

提案: Answer directly with a topic sentence then add a specific example. Improve grammar ("if I go to a foreign country"; "I love having a relaxing time on the beach"). Use linking words like "otherwise" to contrast activities at home.

例: It depends on the destination. If I go abroad, I usually relax on the beach and enjoy a cold drink; otherwise in Hong Kong, I like to visit local markets and try new restaurants.

提案: Avoid repetition (you repeat "taking care of my pets" twice). Use correct verb forms ("I love spending"; "for my family"). Keep it concise: topic sentence + one specific supporting detail with a linking word like "for example."

例: Yes, I enjoy spending days at home because they help me relax. For example, I like cooking meals for my family and looking after my pets while following a simple daily routine.

提案: State preference clearly, then give a concise, specific example. Correct past-tense errors ("when I was 18, I had a busy holiday"), and finish your thought ("it didn't feel like a holiday"). Use linking words like "because" or "so".

例: I generally prefer a leisurely holiday because I find busy schedules exhausting. For instance, when I was 18 I had a full itinerary on a trip to Japan, and it felt tiring rather than relaxing.

提案: Start with a clear topic sentence that states the conditional preference, then give one clear example. Fix grammar ("if I'm not fatigued", "to create more memories"). Use linking words such as "if" and "for example."

例: It depends on how tired I am: if I'm not fatigued, I prefer an exciting holiday. For example, when I feel rested I like exploring places like Japan to create more lasting memories.

× Well, I remember, umm, in March, I visited Miami, uh, for three weeks, uh, when I was in holiday, uh, it was fun to see that, uh, the air show demonstrated by United States Air Force and to see the patriots and aviation enthusiasts.

✓ Well, I remember in March I visited Miami for three weeks when I was on holiday. It was fun to see the air show put on by the United States Air Force and to see the patriots and aviation enthusiasts.

The sentence had awkward tense and phrasing. 'in holiday' is incorrect; use 'on holiday'. The phrase 'demonstrated by' is unnatural for an air show; 'put on by' or 'performed by' is better. Also split into two sentences for clarity and maintain past tense consistently. ID:5

× I love having holidays and because it's the only chances that I can escape from work and I could have a relaxing time in a foreign country.

✓ I love having holidays because they are the only chances I have to escape from work and relax in a foreign country.

'the only chances' mismatches singular/plural and article use; use 'they are the only chances' or 'it is the only chance'. Also 'could have a relaxing time' should be present tense 'relax' to match general preference. ID:14

× I wish to have more holidays, however, my boss would not allow it and want me to stay in my workplace.

✓ I wish I could have more holidays; however, my boss does not allow it and wants me to stay at my workplace.

Use past/factual modal and correct verb forms: 'would not allow' implies conditional; 'does not allow' states a habitual fact. 'want' should be 'wants' for subject-verb agreement. Use 'stay at my workplace' rather than 'in'. ID:4

× I'll say I generally prefer Christmas holidays because, uh, when it's time to Christmas is generally winter and I love uh, being cold and cozy in my house, having hot chocolates with my loved ones, and taking care of my pets.

✓ I generally prefer the Christmas holidays because Christmas is usually in winter and I love being cold and cozy at home, drinking hot chocolate with my loved ones, and taking care of my pets.

Use simple present for habitual facts: 'Christmas is usually' instead of 'when it's time to Christmas is generally'. 'the Christmas holidays' is natural. 'hot chocolates' should be 'hot chocolate' as an uncountable noun in this context. 'in my house' -> 'at home'. ID:6

× It's just a wholesome moments for my loved ones.

✓ It's just a wholesome moment for my loved ones.

Mix of singular and plural: 'a ... moments' is incorrect. Use 'a wholesome moment' or 'wholesome moments' without 'a'. ID:1

× It depends on where, uh, if I'm going to foreign countries or am I staying in Hong Kong.

✓ It depends on whether I'm going to a foreign country or staying in Hong Kong.

Sentence structure and word order: use 'whether' to present alternatives and use parallel structure 'going to a foreign country or staying in Hong Kong'. 'foreign countries' plural can be 'a foreign country' or 'foreign countries' but keep consistent. ID:26

× And if I'm going to foreign countries, I would uh, love to having a relaxing time on the beach, uh, and having a glass of juice at the same time.

✓ If I'm going to a foreign country, I would love to have a relaxing time on the beach and drink a glass of juice.

After 'would love to' use the base verb 'have', not 'having'. Also prefer 'drink a glass of juice' for parallel verbs and use singular or plural consistently. ID:8

× Absolutely. I love to spending a day in my own home and taking care of my pets, cooking meals for my families and my loved ones and taking care of my pets.

✓ Absolutely. I love spending a day at home, taking care of my pets, and cooking meals for my family and loved ones.

After 'love' use gerund 'spending' not 'to spending'. Remove repeated 'taking care of my pets'. Use 'family' (singular, collective) instead of 'families'. 'at home' is more natural. ID:8

× I think it's very relaxing for me to, uh, take care of my own daily life and having my own daily routine.

✓ I think it's very relaxing for me to take care of my daily life and have my own routine.

Maintain parallel structure: use infinitive 'to take' and 'to have' or drop 'to' and use gerunds consistently. Here use 'to take' and 'have' for parallelism. 'my own' can be shortened. ID:6

× I will say I generally prefer a leisure holiday. I remember that when I was 18, I have a busy holiday where I have a full schedule on, uh, the trip that I'm was going to Japan.

✓ I would say I generally prefer a leisurely holiday. I remember that when I was 18, I had a busy holiday with a full schedule on the trip I took to Japan.

'I will say' -> 'I would say' is more natural for opinion. 'leisure holiday' -> 'leisurely holiday'. Past recollection requires past tense 'had' not 'have'. 'I'm was going' is ungrammatical; use 'I took' or 'I went' to Japan. Ensure past tense consistency. ID:5

× However, it was quite exhausting for me and it doesn't feel like I.

✓ However, it was quite exhausting for me and it didn't feel like me.

Mix of past and present tense: use past 'didn't feel like me' to match 'was exhausting'. Original 'doesn't feel like I' is ungrammatical; 'me' is correct object pronoun. ID:26

× I would say it depends on my stress and fatigue level because of my work.

✓ I would say it depends on my stress and fatigue levels because of work.

Use plural 'levels' or 'level' consistently; 'because of my work' -> 'because of work' is more natural. This corrects adjective/adverb usage and noun form. ID:13

× If I am not fatigue and I'm very relaxed, I would say I generally prefer an exciting holiday where I can explore other countries like Japan so I can have more memories to create.

✓ If I am not fatigued and I'm very relaxed, I generally prefer an exciting holiday where I can explore countries like Japan and create more memories.

Use adjective 'fatigued' (or 'tired') not noun 'fatigue' after 'not'. Remove extra 'I would say' and keep tense consistent. 'more memories to create' -> 'create more memories' is natural word order. ID:13