Watch— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be concise and natural: start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details with linking words. Avoid redundancy (e.g., "everywhere and anytime"). Use more natural phrasing for features ("track sleep and workouts").

例: Yes, I wear an Apple Watch almost every day. It saves me from taking out my phone to check the time, and it also tracks my sleep and workouts, which helps me monitor my health.

提案: Improve grammar and word choice: use correct past tense and natural nouns ("data" not "datums"). Combine ideas with a linking word and be brief. Mention one concrete reason the friend gave.

例: Yes, I have. A friend gave me my Apple Watch because she thought it would help me monitor my sleep patterns so I could improve my rest.

提案: Make the response more natural and precise: state the main reason, then add one specific supporting detail with a linking word. Avoid awkward phrases like "wealth positions" and "track attention."

例: I think many people wear expensive watches to signal their social status. For example, a luxury watch can convey success and attract attention at formal events, which may earn respect.

提案: Be clear and complete: give a direct opinion, explain one or two reasons with linking words, and finish the sentence. Correct article usage ("a watch") and use natural phrases ("health data").

例: I don't think it's essential to wear a watch because smartphones already show the time. However, a watch can still be useful for tracking health data and quick time checks when your phone isn't convenient.

× Yes, I wear Apple Watch almost every day.

✓ Yes, I wear an Apple Watch almost every day.

The noun 'Apple Watch' is a singular countable noun and needs an article. Use 'an' before a vowel sound. Suggestion: use 'an Apple Watch' or rephrase as 'my Apple Watch' if referring to a specific watch.

× It's convenient to check the time everywhere and anytime.

✓ It's convenient to check the time anywhere and at any time.

The phrase 'everywhere and anytime' is awkward; 'anywhere' and 'at any time' are the natural adverbial forms. Place them after the verb phrase in a conventional order. Suggestion: use 'anywhere and at any time' for clarity.

× And besides, it can also help me record my sleeping quality and exercise.

✓ And besides, it can also help me record my sleep quality and exercise (or my exercise activity).

'Sleeping quality' is not the correct noun phrase; use 'sleep quality' (noun + noun) to describe the quality of sleep. 'Exercise' as a noun is fine; you may say 'track my exercise' or 'record my exercise activity' for clarity. Suggestion: use 'record my sleep quality' or 'track my sleep and exercise.'

× Yes I have. My Apple Watch was a gift sent by my friend and she said that it could help me better record my sleeping datums, so she hoped I could sleep well.

✓ Yes, I have. My Apple Watch was a gift from my friend, and she said that it could help me better record my sleep data, so she hoped I could sleep well.

Several issues: add a comma after 'Yes'; 'a gift sent by my friend' is wordy—use 'a gift from my friend.' 'Sleeping datums' is incorrect: 'datum' is rarely used and 'sleep data' is the correct uncountable noun. Also combine clauses with proper punctuation. Suggestion: use 'a gift from my friend' and 'sleep data.'

× Well, I think that is because expensive watches can sometimes reflect one's social status and wealth positions.

✓ Well, I think that's because expensive watches can sometimes reflect a person's social status and wealth.

Use a natural expression: 'that's' contraction is appropriate. 'One's' is formal but 'a person's' fits spoken register. 'Wealth positions' is incorrect; use 'wealth' alone. Suggestion: say 'a person's social status and wealth.'

× Some people wear expensive watches to track attention and gain respect in social occasions.

✓ Some people wear expensive watches to attract attention and gain respect on social occasions.

'Track attention' is incorrect; the intended verb is 'attract attention.' Also preposition 'in social occasions' should be 'on social occasions.' Suggestion: use 'to attract attention' and 'on social occasions.'

× Well, As for me, I don't think it's important to wear a watch since watch is a tool that can help us check time and record our health items.

✓ Well, as for me, I don't think it's important to wear a watch since a watch is a tool that can help us check the time and record our health data.

Problems: 'As' should be lowercase in mid-sentence. 'Watch' as a singular countable noun needs an article: 'a watch.' 'Check time' should be 'check the time.' 'Health items' is vague; use 'health data' or 'health information.' Suggestion: 'a watch' and 'check the time' and 'health data.'

× However, since we use smartphone every day and every.

✓ However, since we use smartphones every day and everywhere, we don't necessarily need a watch.

The original sentence is incomplete and ungrammatical: 'use smartphone' needs plural or an article and 'and every' is incomplete. Provide a completed clause that fits context. Suggestion: use 'smartphones' and finish the comparison, e.g. 'every day and everywhere' or 'every day and all the time.'