Swimming— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Cải thiện: Giảm tiếng 'uh' và lặp từ; mở đầu trực tiếp bằng câu chủ đề; mở rộng chi tiết cụ thể về lý do và kế hoạch học. Ví dụ: nêu thời gian dự định học (ví dụ: next year), hình thức học (lớp học/cá nhân), lợi ích cụ thể (cardio, kỹ năng an toàn). Sử dụng liên từ như 'because' hoặc 'so' hợp lý để mạch lạc. Giữ tối đa 3-4 câu.

例: I don't know how to swim yet, but I plan to learn next summer because it's excellent exercise for my cardiovascular health. I usually spend my holidays at the beach, so being able to swim would make those trips safer and more enjoyable. I'm thinking of taking lessons at a local pool to build confidence gradually.

提案: Cải thiện: Tránh lặp từ và tiếng ngập ngừng; bắt đầu với câu chủ đề ngắn, sau đó giải thích rõ ràng nguyên nhân và kết luận thực tế (ví dụ: what helped or what you'd do differently). Thêm chi tiết cụ thể như 'fear of deep water' hoặc 'lack of instructor' và dùng liên từ như 'because' hoặc 'so' để liên kết ý. Giữ 2-3 câu ngắn gọn.

例: Yes, I find it difficult because I'm frightened of deep water after a near-drowning incident. As a result, I've struggled to relax in the water, so next time I'd start with professional lessons focusing on breathing and safety techniques.

提案: Cải thiện: Sửa ngữ pháp và lựa chọn từ (ví dụ 'refer' -> 'prefer', 'laser centers' không phù hợp); cung cấp thêm ví dụ cụ thể và so sánh ngắn gọn. Dùng liên từ như 'however' đúng vị trí. Giữ câu rõ ràng, không quá dài, và tránh lỗi nhỏ về số nhiều hoặc giới từ.

例: Most people prefer swimming at the seaside or on the beach because it's free and relaxing. However, city residents often use indoor public pools because they are more convenient and open all year round; for example, many families visit community pools on weekends.

提案: Cải thiện: Đừng từ chối trả lời hoàn toàn; nếu không biết, đưa ra suy đoán rõ ràng và cụ thể. Sửa từ vựng không chính xác ('tiles' không hợp lý) và loại bỏ ngập ngừng. So sánh cụ thể: dòng chảy, sóng, độ mặn, nhiệt độ vs. làn ổn định, độ sâu, an toàn ở hồ bơi. Dùng liên từ như 'whereas' hoặc 'while' để đối chiếu. Giữ 2-3 câu.

例: I haven't swum much, but I think swimming in the sea is harder because of waves, currents and changing depths, which can make you tire more quickly. By contrast, pools offer calm, measured lanes and clearer safety conditions, so they are better for learning and training.

× Uh, to be honest, I don't know how to swim, but I love to learn it in the future because it's a good exercise to improve my health.

✓ Uh, to be honest, I don't know how to swim, but I would love to learn in the future because it's a good exercise for improving my health.

The phrase 'love to learn it' is awkward; after 'learn' we usually omit 'it' when the object is an activity (learn to swim). Also 'love to' is correct but 'would love to' fits the intended future desire better. Use 'for improving' or 'to improve' to show purpose. Suggestion: say 'I would love to learn to swim in the future because it's a good exercise to improve my health.'

× I, I also choose the beach for my holidays, so learning how to swim will make those trip more more memorable and safer.

✓ I also choose the beach for my holidays, so learning how to swim will make those trips more memorable and safer.

The noun 'trip' must agree in number with 'those' which is plural; use 'trips'. Also remove duplicate 'more'. Suggestion: use plural agreement and avoid repetition.

× Yes I think it is. I have attempted to learn how to swim like 3 times and I felt every single time it was scary in the water.

✓ Yes, I think it is. I have attempted to learn how to swim about three times, and each time I felt it was scary in the water.

Use 'about three times' instead of 'like 3 times' in formal speech. Mix of present perfect 'have attempted' with simple past 'I felt every single time' is awkward; use 'each time I felt' or 'and it felt scary each time.' Suggestion: keep consistent tense and use words suitable for speech level.

× Uh and because I I once almost drowned is really scary.

✓ Uh, and because I once almost drowned, it is really scary.

Original lacks proper clause structure and subject for the second clause. Add comma and subject 'it' to make 'it is really scary.' Remove duplicate 'I'. Suggestion: restructure to 'and because I once almost drowned, it was really scary' if referring to past feeling.

× Most people in my country like to go swimming at the seaside or on the beach because it's free and good for relaxing.

✓ Most people in my country like to go swimming at the seaside or on the beach because it's free and good for relaxing.

This sentence is acceptable. 'At the seaside' and 'on the beach' are both correct prepositional uses. No change needed. Explanation: prepositions used correctly.

× People who live in cities, however, often refer swimming at indoor public pools or laser centers because they are more convenient and available on year round.

✓ People who live in cities, however, often go swimming at indoor public pools or leisure centers because they are more convenient and available year round.

'Refer swimming' is incorrect; use 'go swimming.' 'Laser centers' is a misspelling of 'leisure centers.' 'Available on year round' is wrong; use 'available year round' or 'open year-round.' Suggestion: say 'go swimming at indoor public pools or leisure centers'.

× To be honest, because I don't know how to swim, I don't know the difference, but I guess it would be much harder to swim in the sea because, uh, you have to face with the wind and the tiles, uh, so you're more likely to feel tired, uh, earlier, sooner.

✓ To be honest, because I don't know how to swim, I don't know the difference, but I guess it would be much harder to swim in the sea because you have to deal with the wind and the tides, so you're more likely to feel tired sooner.

Use 'deal with' instead of 'face with.' 'Tiles' is incorrect word; likely 'tides.' Avoid redundant words 'earlier, sooner' — use 'sooner.' 'Feel tired sooner' is the natural collocation. Suggestion: practice verb + -ing where needed and choose correct vocabulary.