Advertisement— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Improve clarity, vocabulary and coherence. Start with a clear topic sentence, correct pronunciation/word choice, and use one or two specific supporting details linked logically. Avoid filler words and keep to a maximum of five sentences.

例: Yes. A milk commercial with dancing cows impressed me when I was a child. The tune was extremely catchy, so I often hummed it afterwards, and the bright colours and funny characters made the advert memorable. Because of its humour and music, I still recall it clearly today.

提案: Give a direct topic sentence, avoid hesitations and unclear words, and use linking words to organize examples. Be specific about types and locations of ads to make your answer concrete.

例: Yes, I see a lot of advertising on public transport. For example, buses and trains often carry large posters on their sides, and there are digital screens inside carriages that advertise movies and the latest tech gadgets. This makes transport a very common place to encounter ads.

提案: State your opinion clearly, then give two concise reasons using linking words. Avoid unclear or mixed-up phrases and keep vocabulary accurate.

例: I have mixed feelings about advertisements. On one hand, I dislike them when they interrupt my videos because that feels intrusive; on the other hand, I appreciate creative ads or those that inform me about useful new products.

提案: Answer directly with a topic sentence, use appropriate vocabulary (avoid incorrect words), and provide one specific reason with an example. Keep sentences concise and coherent.

例: I prefer adverts with high production values that tell a story. For instance, a commercial that uses humour or an emotional narrative will catch my attention and stay in my memory longer.

提案: Begin with a clear topic sentence, then give specific details and use linking words. Avoid garbled or mistaken words; choose accurate vocabulary to describe targeted advertising and your feelings about it.

例: Yes, I see ads on my phone and computer all the time. For example, I often encounter sponsored posts and pop-ups tailored to my search history, which sometimes feels intrusive and a little creepy.

× It had such a catchy tingle that I found myself humming It'll Day.

✓ It had such a catchy jingle that I found myself humming it all day.

The word 'tingle' is incorrect here; the correct noun for a memorable tune in an advertisement is 'jingle'. 'It'll Day' is a garbled phrase; likely intended 'it all day'. Also 'humming it all day' uses correct adverb placement. Replace incorrect word choice and fix the phrase for clarity.

× It really stuck in my mind because it's where it's a cough, colorful and funny.

✓ It really stuck in my mind because it was so catchy, colorful, and funny.

The original sentence is ungrammatical and contains nonsense fragments ('where it's a cough'). Use a clear clause: 'because it was so catchy, colorful, and funny.' This keeps past reference consistent with 'stuck' and uses correct adjectives and conjunctions.

× Absolutely both.

✓ Absolutely, both.

As a short answer this needs a minor punctuation and phrasing fix. 'Absolutely both' as written lacks natural flow; adding a comma or responding 'Absolutely. Both.' separates affirmation from emphasizing both examples.

× Like transport is saturated with, uh, S Nowadays you'll see large Buster on the size of buses and digital screens inside chains constantly promoting everything from movies to the last day tech gadgets.

✓ Transport is saturated with ads. Nowadays you'll see large posters on the sides of buses and digital screens inside trains constantly promoting everything from movies to the latest tech gadgets.

Several word choices and structure are incorrect: 'Like' is unnecessary, 'S' and 'Buster' are wrong words; 'on the size' should be 'on the sides'; 'chains' should be 'trains'; 'last day tech gadgets' should be 'latest tech gadgets'. Break into two sentences for clarity and correct noun choices.

× To be honest, it's a love hate relativity Wi-Fi them quite introsive when they interrupt my favorite videos.

✓ To be honest, it's a love-hate relationship; they can be quite intrusive when they interrupt my favorite videos.

Original has many incorrect words: 'relativity Wi-Fi them' is garbled. Use 'love-hate relationship' to express mixed feelings. 'Intrusive' is the correct adjective, and 'they' refers to advertisements. Use a semicolon or separate clauses for clarity.

× I do appreciate those that are creatively mixed or inform me about useful new products.

✓ I do appreciate those that are creatively made or that inform me about useful new products.

'Creatively mixed' is incorrect collocation; 'creatively made' or 'creatively produced' fits better. Also add 'that' before the second clause to parallel structure.

× Umm, particularly draw to hemorrhoids as, uh, those with high production value.

✓ I'm particularly drawn to ads that have high production value.

The original contains inappropriate and incorrect words ('hemorrhoids as') and wrong structure. Use the passive/adjective form 'drawn to' and 'ads that have high production value' for correct meaning and grammar.

× If a commercial can tell a compelling story or make might make me laugh, uh, I'm much more likely to engage with the brain and remember it.

✓ If a commercial can tell a compelling story or make me laugh, I'm much more likely to engage with it and remember it.

Original repeats modal/auxiliary ('make might make') and uses 'engage with the brain' which is incorrect. Remove duplication, use 'engage with it' to refer to the ad, and keep present conditional structure.

× All the time it feels like I'm bombarded with Bob UPS and sponsors posts whenever I browse the web.

✓ All the time I feel like I'm bombarded with pop-ups and sponsored posts whenever I browse the web.

'Bob UPS' is a misspelling of 'pop-ups'; 'sponsors posts' should be 'sponsored posts'. Also adjust word order to 'All the time I feel like...' for natural flow.

× Most of them are toilet to my interest based on my search history which is a big creepy sometimes.

✓ Most of them are tailored to my interests based on my search history, which is a bit creepy sometimes.

'Toilet to my interest' is incorrect; the correct phrase is 'tailored to my interests'. Also 'a big creepy' should be 'a bit creepy' or 'quite creepy'. Add commas for clarity and pluralize 'interests' to match meaning.