Advertisement— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be clearer and more concise. Start with a direct topic sentence naming the ad, then give one or two specific reasons using linking words. Correct unclear phrases and avoid repetition and filler sounds (uh, um).

例: Yes. A milk commercial with dancing cows impressed me as a child. The jingle was very catchy, so I found myself humming it for days. Also, the bright colors and silly choreography made the ad easy to remember.

提案: Give a clear, grammatically correct statement and support it with specific examples. Use linking words like 'for example' or 'for instance' and avoid incorrect word forms and filler words.

例: Yes, I see a lot of advertising on public transport. For example, buses often carry large posters on their sides and trains have digital screens inside that promote films and new gadgets.

提案: Answer directly and expand with clear reasons linked logically. Replace informal fragments with full sentences and use linking words like 'however' or 'because' to show contrast.

例: To be honest, I have a love–hate relationship with ads. I dislike them when they interrupt my videos because they are intrusive; however, I appreciate creative ads or those that inform me about genuinely useful products.

提案: Give a clear topic sentence and follow with specific examples and reasons. Correct grammar (subject-verb agreement) and remove redundant phrases. Use linking words such as 'for example' or 'because'.

例: I prefer humorous ads and those with high production value. For example, commercials that tell a short, compelling story or make me laugh are more memorable because they capture my attention and evoke emotion.

提案: Provide a concise, grammatical reply and include specific details. Use linking words like 'often' and 'because' and correct vocabulary (pop-ups, sponsored posts). Avoid repetition and filler words.

例: Yes, I often see ads when I browse on my phone or computer. For instance, pop-ups and sponsored posts appear frequently, and many ads are targeted based on my search history, which I sometimes find a bit creepy.

× I vividly remember a milk commercial for filtering dancing cows.

✓ I vividly remember a milk commercial featuring dancing cows.

The student used 'for filtering' which is incorrect here. The correct verb is 'featuring' to indicate that the commercial showed dancing cows. This is an article/word choice error affecting meaning; use 'featuring' to describe content shown in an advertisement.

× XH shot a catchy triangle that I found myself humming at it uh, it all day.

✓ It had a catchy tune that I found myself humming all day.

Original sentence has unclear nouns ('XH', 'shot', 'triangle') and extra pronouns ('at it', 'it') causing poor sentence structure. Replace with clear subject 'It' and noun 'tune' and remove redundant pronouns. Ensure the verb phrase 'found myself humming all day' is complete.

× It really stuck in my mind because it's so, so colorful and funny.

✓ It really stuck in my mind because it was so colorful and funny.

The context refers to a childhood memory in the past, so verb tense should be past ('was') rather than present contracted 'it's'. Use past tense to maintain temporal consistency between clauses.

× Hopefully transports is saturated with us.

✓ Hopefully transport is saturated with ads.

Multiple issues: 'transports' as a noun is not used here; 'transport' (or 'public transport') is better. The verb 'is' must agree with the corrected subject; also 'us' is incorrect pronoun—'ads' is the intended noun. This is a subject-verb/pronoun choice and noun number correction.

× Uh, now a day, a days you see what posters on the size of buses, uh, and digital screens inside trains constantly promoting everything from movies, uh, to the elastic tech gadgets.

✓ Nowadays you see posters on the sides of buses and digital screens inside trains constantly promoting everything from movies to tech gadgets.

'Now a day, a days' is incorrect; use 'Nowadays'. 'Size of buses' should be 'sides of buses'. 'The elastic tech gadgets' is awkward and incorrect; 'tech gadgets' suffices. This corrects adverb and noun phrase usage and removes unnecessary fillers.

× To be honest is a love hate relationship.

✓ To be honest, it's a love-hate relationship.

The original lacks a subject and proper punctuation. Insert 'it's' and hyphenate 'love-hate' as a compound adjective. This fixes sentence structure and clarity.

× Why? I find them quite intrusive, Uh, when they interrupt my favorite videos.

✓ I find them quite intrusive when they interrupt my favorite videos.

Remove the isolated 'Why?' and capitalized 'Uh,' which disrupt the sentence flow. The main issue is unnecessary interjections; simplifying to one clear sentence improves pronoun reference and fluency.

× Particularly draw to humorous acts or those with high production value.

✓ I'm particularly drawn to humorous ads or those with high production value.

Missing subject and incorrect verb form: use 'I'm particularly drawn to' to indicate the student's preference. 'Acts' should be 'ads'. This fixes pronoun/subject omission and word choice.

× If a commercials can tell a compelling story or make my love make me laugh, uh, I'm much more likely to engage with the brain and remember it.

✓ If a commercial can tell a compelling story or make me laugh, I'm much more likely to engage with it and remember it.

Multiple errors: 'a commercials' is wrong (article + plural); use singular 'a commercial'. 'Make my love make me laugh' is garbled; use 'make me laugh'. 'Engage with the brain' is incorrect; the intended phrase is 'engage with it'. Correct subject-verb agreement and pronoun references.

× Own own the time it's feels like published with bought ups and sponsors post whenever I browse the web.

✓ Most of the time it feels like my feed is full of pop-ups and sponsored posts whenever I browse the web.

Original has repeated 'Own own', incorrect verb forms ('it's feels like published'), and wrong nouns ('bought ups'). Replace with 'Most of the time' and 'my feed is full of pop-ups and sponsored posts' to convey the meaning. This fixes pronoun and word choice errors and restores grammatical sentence structure.

× Most of them are tolerate to my interest based on my my search history, which is a bit creepy sometimes.

✓ Most of them are tailored to my interests based on my search history, which is a bit creepy sometimes.

'Tolerate to my interest' is incorrect; the correct phrase is 'tailored to my interests'. Also fix duplicate 'my' and pluralize 'interests' to match 'most of them'. This corrects word choice and agreement.