Advertisement— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Сосредоточьтесь на ясности и связности: используйте простые, правильные предложения и логические связки. Избегайте повторов и орфографических ошибок (например, «stuck me stuck», «made the ones that cereal»). Начните с прямого ответа, затем добавьте 1–2 конкретных деталей (мелодия, визуальные образы, эмоции) и закончите выводом о том, почему реклама запомнилась.

例: Yes. One commercial that impressed me as a child featured a bright coral cartoon character and a very catchy jingle. The colorful visuals and playful music made me want to eat the cereal every morning. Because the ad linked the product with fun and happiness, it felt very persuasive to me as a child.

提案: Улучшите точность слов и избегайте странных фраз (например, «target computers»). Используйте связки для структуры: ответ — причина — примеры. Дайте более конкретные детали о том, где и какие виды рекламы вы видите.

例: Yes. I often see many ads on trains and buses, especially in cities where advertisers aim at commuters. These include posters inside carriages, large panels on windows and digital screens, often promoting apps, fashion brands and local events.

提案: Работайте над грамматикой и завершённостью мыслей: избегайте бессодержательных пауз («uh») и незавершённых предложений. Начните с чёткого топик‑предложения, затем приведите 1‑2 конкретных примера и заключение о влиянии рекламы на ваши решения.

例: Yes. I like adverts that use humor or emotional stories because they are memorable. For example, a funny TV commercial once made me try a new snack, and its emotional message later influenced the brands I chose.

提案: Улучшите беглость и исправьте грамматические ошибки (например, «a short video at demonstrating», «ads that are use humor»). Дайте чёткую структуру: утверждение, причина, конкретный пример и заключение. Избегайте неясных выражений («make me message the»).

例: I prefer adverts that tell a genuine story and show real people using the product because they feel authentic. For example, a short video demonstrating how a gadget solves everyday tasks convinces me more than flashy visuals. I also appreciate ads that use subtle humor, as they make the brand more likable.

提案: Попрактикуйтесь в точном выражении мыслей и устранении лишних слов: избегайте повторов и опечаток («adats», «but sometimes which»). Постройте ответ: факт — пример — мнение о полезности/раздражении. Используйте связки для плавности.

例: Yes. I often see ads on my phone and computer, particularly when I browse social media or watch free videos. For example, targeted ads appear based on my recent searches; sometimes they are useful, but other times they interrupt my browsing and become annoying.

× Yes, a terrible advertisement for a coral colourful cartoon character taught me attention as a child.

✓ Yes, a memorable advertisement for a colorful coral cartoon character caught my attention when I was a child.

The original sentence has awkward word order and incorrect verb choice ('taught me attention' is ungrammatical). Use 'caught my attention' to express that something attracted attention. 'As a child' is better replaced with 'when I was a child' for clear time reference. Also 'terrible' contradicted later positive aspects, so 'memorable' fits context better.

× The Jingle was very catchy and the bright visuals combined with the pyramids of a fan breakfast made the ones that cereal every morning.

✓ The jingle was very catchy, and the bright visuals, combined with piles of fun breakfast scenes, made me want to eat that cereal every morning.

Problems include wrong nouns and structure ('pyramids of a fan breakfast', 'made the ones that cereal'). Use past tense phrasing and correct noun phrases: 'piles of fun breakfast scenes' and the verb phrase 'made me want to eat that cereal' to convey intent. Also capitalize only proper nouns; 'jingle' is common noun.

× The ad stuck me stuck with me because it's associated with a product with happiness and play which was persuasive at at a young age.

✓ The ad stuck with me because it associated the product with happiness and play, which was persuasive when I was young.

Original contains repetition ('stuck me stuck with me'), tense and preposition errors ('at at a young age'). Use 'stuck with me' and change clause order for clarity. Use 'when I was young' for natural time expression.

× Yes, I often notice a considerable amount of advertising on trains and buses, especially in urban areas where companies target computers.

✓ Yes, I often notice a considerable amount of advertising on trains and buses, especially in urban areas where companies target commuters.

The word 'computers' is incorrect; intended word is 'commuters' (people who travel to work). This is a vocabulary/preposition confusion leading to wrong meaning. Correcting to 'commuters' makes the sentence logical.

× This ads range from posters inside carriages to digital screens and are designed to catch attention during daily journeys, for example promoting apps, fashion brands and local events.

✓ These ads range from posters inside carriages to digital screens and are designed to catch attention during daily journeys; for example, they promote apps, fashion brands, and local events.

'This ads' is wrong number agreement; use 'These ads'. Also sentence needed clearer clause connection and verb agreement: 'they promote' clarifies examples. Commas added for readability.

× Yes, I do like some advertisements, particularly those ads with humor that tell compelling story.

✓ Yes, I do like some advertisements, particularly those with humor that tell a compelling story.

'Those ads' is redundant after 'advertisements' and 'compelling story' needs the article 'a'. Adjusted to 'those with humor' and 'a compelling story' for correct quantifier and article use.

× For example, a memorable TV ads, uh, with humor or emotional, uh, appeal, stick with me and influence to my choice when I.

✓ For example, memorable TV ads with humor or emotional appeal stick with me and influence my choices when I decide what to buy.

Original has number mismatch ('a memorable TV ads'), filler words, and incomplete clause ('when I.'). Removed fillers, corrected plurality and added a clear completion: 'influence my choices when I decide what to buy.'

× I prefer advertising that tells a genuine story and shows real, uh, people using the product because it feels more authentic and relatable.

✓ I prefer advertising that tells a genuine story and shows real people using the product because it feels more authentic and relatable.

Main issue was filler 'uh' interrupting flow; removing it yields grammatical sentence. Pronoun 'it' correctly refers to 'advertising' (singular), so no change needed beyond cleaning fillers.

× For example, a short video at demonstrating how gadgets solve everyday problems persuades me more than a flashy visuals.

✓ For example, a short video demonstrating how gadgets solve everyday problems persuades me more than flashy visuals.

'At demonstrating' is incorrect; use the gerund 'demonstrating' after 'video'. 'A flashy visuals' mixes singular article with plural noun; use 'flashy visuals' without 'a'.

× And I'm also down to ads that are use humor and socialization as they make me message the.

✓ And I'm also open to ads that use humor and social interaction because they better convey the message to me.

Original contains several pronoun and verb errors: 'down to ads' is informal and wrong, 'are use humor' is incorrect verb form, 'socialization' is awkward here, and 'make me message the' is incomplete. 'Open to ads that use humor and social interaction' is clear; 'convey the message to me' completes the thought.

× Yes, I frequently see advertisements on my phone and computer, especially when I browse social media or watch free videos.

✓ Yes, I frequently see advertisements on my phone and computer, especially when I browse social media or watch free videos.

This sentence is grammatically correct in present tense and fits the context; no change required.

× For example, targeted adats often appear based on my recent searches, but sometimes which can be useful, but sometimes it turns off when they interrupt my browsing experience.

✓ For example, targeted ads often appear based on my recent searches; they can be useful, but they are annoying when they interrupt my browsing experience.

Problems: 'adats' is a typo for 'ads'; clumsy clause 'but sometimes which can be useful, but sometimes it turns off' is ungrammatical. Rewritten to contrast usefulness and annoyance: 'they can be useful, but they are annoying when they interrupt my browsing experience.'