Advertisement— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: 문장이 반복되고 의미 전달이 불명확합니다. 질문에 대한 직접적인 주제 문장으로 시작하고, 구체적인 광고 내용(어떤 장난감, 무엇을 했는지), 이유(왜 인상 깊었는지)를 2~3개의 문장으로 명확히 연결하세요. 연결어(for example, because, so)와 정확한 시제와 어휘를 사용해 자연스럽게 말하십시오.

例: Yes. I remember a TV commercial for a toy cooking set when I was a child. It showed a small kitchen where a child could mix ingredients and pretend to cook, which seemed very realistic. I liked it because it made me want to play and learn about cooking.

提案: 답변이 중간에 끊기고 불필요한 반복(‘enjoy enjoy’, ‘advertising advertisement’), 비문(‘moving on with, at on bus stations’)이 있습니다. 먼저 명확한 주제 문장으로 답하고, 이어서 구체적인 장소(지하철, 버스 정류장 등)와 이유를 한두 문장으로 덧붙이세요. 불필요한 반복과 주저(uh, umm)를 줄이세요.

例: Yes, I see many ads on public transport, especially on buses and in subway stations. They often catch my eye because they are large and colorful, so I notice them even when I'm in a hurry.

提案: 의견은 있지만 표현이 불완전하고 어휘 사용이 부정확합니다(‘films or steps’, ‘praise they made selling’). 먼저 간단한 주제 문장으로 'Yes' 또는 'No'를 말한 뒤 구체적인 이유를 2문장 이내로 명확하게 제시하세요. 'promote'나 'design' 같은 단어를 정확한 문맥으로 사용하고, 불필요한 중복을 피하세요.

例: Yes, I do. I enjoy ads because they show creative ways to promote products and films. I also appreciate good design and storytelling in commercials because they can be inspiring.

提案: 반복이 있고 문법적 연결이 어색합니다(‘it concludes sounds and visuals’). 먼저 선호를 분명히 말하고, 이유를 구체적으로 설명하세요(예: 소리, 영상, 스토리). 연결어(‘because’, ‘for example’)를 사용해 논리적으로 연결하십시오.

例: I prefer video advertisements because they combine sound, visuals and sometimes storytelling. For example, a short film-style ad can create an emotional connection and make the product more memorable.

提案: 전달은 되지만 불필요한 주저(umm)와 어색한 문장 구성(‘a lot of film advertisement and which is sounds fun’)이 있습니다. 간결한 주제 문장 후 구체적 장소(YouTube, social media), 빈도, 그리고 이유를 한 문장으로 덧붙이세요. 문법(수일치)과 어휘 선택에 주의하세요.

例: Yes, I see many ads on my phone, especially on YouTube and social media. Nowadays there are many video ads which are often entertaining and sometimes tailored to my interests.

× Oh, whenever, whenever a child. Yeah, I remember 1 episode. It wasn't about advertising, about the toy that I can experience the cooking 'cause it's so.

✓ Oh, when I was a child, I remember one episode. It wasn't about an advertisement; it was about a toy that let me pretend to cook because it was so realistic.

This sentence has several structure issues: incorrect time expression ('whenever' -> 'when I was a child'), numeral formatting ('1' -> 'one'), wrong noun ('advertising' -> 'an advertisement'), missing article before 'toy', incorrect verb form and phrasing ('that I can experience the cooking' -> 'that let me pretend to cook'), and informal filler 'cause' replaced by 'because'. Improve by organizing ideas into clear clauses, using correct articles, and choosing appropriate verbs to express ability or function.

× Yes, I do, and I also enjoy enjoy watching them, especially, uh, when I'm moving on with, uh, at on bus stations, there's a lot of advertising advertisement, uh, but I.

✓ Yes, I do, and I also enjoy watching them, especially when I'm at bus stations because there are a lot of advertisements.

Errors include wrong prepositions ('moving on with, at on bus stations' -> 'at bus stations'), repetition ('enjoy enjoy'), article/plural issues ('advertising advertisement' -> 'advertisements'), and an incomplete clause at the end. Improve by removing repetitions, using correct prepositions for location ('at'), and completing thoughts into full sentences.

× Honestly yes I do umm because I can learn how they promote their umm films or steps and and I like to design and the praise they made selling.

✓ Honestly, yes I do, because I can learn how they promote their films or products, and I like the design and the persuasive techniques they use to sell.

Problems: run-on and unclear phrasing ('films or steps' unclear), repeated words ('and and'), awkward noun choices ('praise they made selling'). Improve by specifying nouns ('products' instead of 'steps'), using precise vocabulary ('design' and 'persuasive techniques'), and connecting ideas with proper conjunctions and punctuation.

× As I mentioned before, I do enjoy, I do like video films advertisement because it sounds, it concludes sounds and visuals and it looks attractive.

✓ As I mentioned before, I enjoy video advertisements because they combine sound and visuals and look attractive.

Issues: redundant phrases ('do enjoy, I do like'), awkward compound noun ('video films advertisement'), and unclear verb 'concludes'. Use plural pronoun agreement ('they combine') and concise wording. Improve by removing redundancy and using correct collocations: 'video advertisements' and 'combine sound and visuals'.

× Yes, I do umm, I often see that advertisements on my phone, especially when I'm watching YouTube videos there. These days there's a lot of film advertisement and which is sounds fun.

✓ Yes, I do. I often see advertisements on my phone, especially when I'm watching YouTube videos. These days there are a lot of video advertisements, which I find fun.

Errors: wrong determiner and demonstrative ('that advertisements' -> 'advertisements'), unnecessary adverb 'there' after 'videos', subject-verb agreement ('there's a lot' -> 'there are a lot' or better 'there are a lot of video advertisements'), and relative clause misuse ('and which is sounds fun' -> 'which I find fun'). Improve by correcting determiners, agreement, and using clear relative clauses.