Advertisement— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: 질문에 대해 즉시 주제를 밝히고, 문장을 명확하고 간결하게 정리하세요. 과거 경험을 말할 때는 시제를 일관되게 사용하고 불필요한 반복을 줄이세요. 또한 구체적인 이유(무엇이 독특했는지, 어떻게 인상적이었는지)를 하나나 두 가지로 묘사해 대답을 풍부하게 만드세요.

例: One advertisement that impressed me as a child was a TV commercial for a new clothing brand. It became famous because of its catchy tune and striking visuals, which showed children happily playing in colorful outfits. Because of the music and bright costumes, the ad felt fresh and memorable, and it stayed in my mind for years.

提案: 직접적으로 질문에 답한 뒤 구체적인 예를 들어 보완하세요. 문법과 어휘를 정확히 사용하여 의미 전달을 명확히 하고, 연결어로 문장 흐름을 개선하세요.

例: I don't really like seeing advertisements on public transport. However, there are many ads inside trains, such as posters on the walls and adverts on window panels. These often feel intrusive when I'm trying to read or relax.

提案: 모호한 표현을 피하고 명확한 입장을 밝히세요. 이유를 제시할 때는 구체적이고 논리적으로 연결어를 사용해 설명하고, 'mental health' 같은 표현을 정확하게 설명하세요.

例: I'm ambivalent about advertisements. Lately I try to avoid them because they often encourage impulsive purchases, which can harm my finances and cause stress. For that reason, I usually install ad blockers or skip ads when possible.

提案: 핵심 요지를 먼저 말하고, 그 다음에 구체적 요소(음악, 영상, 유머 등)를 1~2개 제시하세요. 모호한 단어 사용(예: 'Heisman')을 피하고 정확한 어휘를 사용하여 전달력을 높이세요.

例: I prefer advertisements with memorable music and creative visuals. For instance, a short ad with an original jingle and simple, emotional storytelling can stick in my mind and make me want to learn more about the product.

提案: 간결하게 답하고 구체적 상황(팝업, 동영상 광고, 배너 등)과 그 때문에 느끼는 불편함을 설명하세요. 반복되는 단어를 줄이고 연결어를 사용해 문장을 매끄럽게 만드세요.

例: Yes, I see many ads on my phone and computer, especially pop-ups and autoplay video ads. They often interrupt me when I'm reading articles or working, which is annoying, so I usually use an ad blocker or pay for an ad-free subscription.

× It reminds me of 1 memory is that a closing advertisement at a time that the brand is very just come out.

✓ One memory that comes to mind is a closing advertisement from when the brand had just been launched.

This sentence has awkward structure and incorrect word order. Use a clear subject and verb phrase: 'One memory that comes to mind is...' Use past perfect or simple past for 'had just been launched' or 'had just come out'. 'Closing advertisement' is unclear; context suggests an advertisement from when the brand was newly launched. Suggested improvement: reorganize the sentence into a single clause with a subject and verb, and use correct tense and word order. Grammar problem type ID:26

× So from this advertisement that that brand is very fam became famous and that is a genius advertisement.

✓ Because of that advertisement the brand became very famous; it was a brilliant ad.

The original repeats 'that' and mixes fragments. Use 'Because of that advertisement' or 'As a result of that advertisement' to connect cause and effect. 'Became famous' is the correct past form; 'genius advertisement' should be expressed as 'brilliant ad' or 'a genius advertisement' with proper article. Improve by creating two clauses linked with a semicolon or conjunction. Grammar problem type ID:26

× So it's really unique and sophisticated at the time.

✓ It was really unique and sophisticated at the time.

Tense mismatch: the speaker refers to a past event ('at the time'), so use past tense 'was' instead of 'it's'. Also 'unique' and 'sophisticated' are fine but must match past reference. Suggestion: ensure tense matches the time frame referenced. Grammar problem type ID:22

× Actually I don't want to see any advertisements when I mean transport or train, but in front of me there are a lot of advertisement, for example magazines and the advantagement on the the windows.

✓ Actually I don't want to see any advertisements when I use transport or trains, but in front of me there are a lot of advertisements, for example in magazines and the advertisements on the windows.

Multiple issues: 'when I mean transport or train' should be 'when I use transport or trains' (word choice). 'A lot of advertisement' should be plural 'a lot of advertisements'. 'Advantagement' is not a word; use 'advertisements'. Remove duplicate 'the the'. Improve by using plural nouns and correct word choice for clarity. Grammar problem type ID:22

× I'm not sure, I don't know, I like advertisements or not, but these days I, I try to not to see many advertisements because it encouraged me some something you want to buy.

✓ I'm not sure whether I like advertisements or not, but these days I try not to see many advertisements because they encourage me to buy things.

Problems: 'I try to not to see' is ungrammatical; use 'try not to see'. 'It encouraged me some something you want to buy' mixes tenses and is unclear—use present 'they encourage me to buy things'. Use plural 'they' to match 'advertisements'. Suggestion: avoid double negatives and choose correct verb forms and pronouns. Grammar problem type ID:6

× So it's not for help of my health, mental health.

✓ So they are not good for my (mental) health.

Pronoun reference and article use are incorrect. 'It' is unclear; 'they' should refer to 'advertisements'. 'Not for help of my health' is not idiomatic; use 'not good for my mental health' or 'not helpful for my mental health'. Suggestion: use clear pronoun reference and natural collocations like 'good for' or 'harmful to'. Grammar problem type ID:12

× I think when I see the advertisement, maybe some advertisement has beautiful and very unique music, it attracts me.

✓ I think when I see an advertisement with beautiful and unique music, it attracts me.

Awkward phrasing and repetition: use 'an advertisement with' instead of separate clauses. 'Beautiful and very unique' is redundant; 'beautiful and unique' is sufficient. Combine into a single clear clause. Improve by reducing redundancy and using a defining relative phrase. Grammar problem type ID:26

× So I think these days the most important thing is that what Heisman can touch someone else's touch his mind if if it's very important.

✓ So I think these days the most important thing is whether an advertisement can touch someone's heart or mind.

This sentence has many incorrect words and pronoun usage: 'Heisman' is incorrect, likely meant 'the ad' or 'it'. 'Someone else's touch his mind' is ungrammatical. Use 'whether an advertisement can touch someone's heart or mind' for clarity and correct pronoun use. Suggestion: use 'whether' to introduce a yes/no content and use correct possessive forms. Grammar problem type ID:12

× Yes, this is very funny because I don't I don't want to see any advertisement.

✓ Yes, it's strange because I don't want to see any advertisements.

Use 'it's strange' or 'it's funny' depending on intended meaning. 'Advertisement' should be plural 'advertisements' when generalizing. Remove duplicated 'I don't'. Ensure subject-verb agreement and natural collocation. Grammar problem type ID:6

× It it automatically show me a variety of advertisement.

✓ It automatically shows me a variety of advertisements.

Subject-verb agreement and article/plural errors: 'It' (singular) requires 'shows' (third-person singular). 'Advertisement' should be plural 'advertisements'. Remove duplicate 'It'. Suggestion: ensure verb form matches subject and use plural for general countable nouns. Grammar problem type ID:27

× Sometimes it bothers me because I I want to read some article or some important thing, but it suddenly came up with advertisements, so it's very.

✓ Sometimes it bothers me because I want to read an article or something important, but advertisements suddenly pop up, so it's very annoying.

Tense inconsistency: 'it suddenly came up' mixes past with present. Use present 'pop up' or 'come up'. 'Some article' should be 'an article'; 'some important thing' is better as 'something important'. Finish the sentence with an adjective like 'annoying'. Suggestion: maintain consistent tense and complete the sentence with an appropriate adjective. Grammar problem type ID:6