Computers— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Give a clear topic sentence, correct grammar and reduce redundancy. Be specific about tasks and frequency, use linking words to connect ideas, and keep within 3–4 concise sentences. Avoid repeating phrases like “I need” and correct collocations (for example, “uploading files” not “uploading computers”).

例: I use a computer several times a week because I work as a church secretary. I mainly prepare and type documents, enter data into spreadsheets, and upload files to our church website. Because these tasks are part of my job, I rely on my laptop for most office work.

提案: Provide a clear, chronological answer and correct tense and vocabulary. Avoid contradicting earlier statements (student earlier implied regular use). Use linking words like “then” or “because” correctly and limit to 2–3 sentences. Clarify whether you mean ‘first time recently’ or ‘first time ever’ to avoid confusion.

例: I first used my own laptop last Sunday to upload and submit some documents online. I did this because I am the church’s secretary and needed to send updated records to our office.

提案: Start with a direct topic sentence about the impact, avoid filler words and hesitations, and give specific examples of what would be difficult. Use linking words (for example, “because” and “so”) correctly and keep to 2–3 clear sentences.

例: Without a computer my work would be much harder because I rely on it for typing, emailing, and managing records. I would feel frustrated and less productive, especially at the office where most tasks are digital.

提案: Answer directly with a specific situation, use correct grammar and sequencing words (first, then, finally). Keep it concise and mention any solution briefly. Replace vague phrases with precise vocabulary (e.g., “forgot my password” not “forgot the password”).

例: It would be difficult if I forgot my laptop password and could not sign in. For example, last year I had to reset the password using my phone, which delayed my work for several hours.

× I normally use computer every week because it is part of my daily work as a church secretary.

✓ I normally use a computer every week because it is part of my daily work as a church secretary.

Missing indefinite article before singular countable noun 'computer'. In English, singular countable nouns usually require 'a' or 'the'. Use 'a computer' when referring to any one computer used regularly.

× So I need to do some documents that I need to use computer for encoding as well as uploading computers.

✓ So I need to prepare some documents that I use the computer to encode and upload.

Incorrect verb forms and word order: 'do some documents' should be 'prepare documents'; 'use computer for encoding' requires 'use the computer to encode' or 'encode using the computer'; 'uploading computers' is wrong—should be 'uploading (the documents)'. Use infinitive 'to encode' for purpose and noun 'documents' as the object.

× Also very vital typewriting so I normally use it every once a week.

✓ Also, typing is very important, so I normally use it once a week.

Awkward phrasing: 'very vital typewriting' should be 'typing is very important.' 'Every once a week' is redundant; use 'once a week'. Include subject and verb for clarity.

× The first time I used the computer was last Sunday because I did and uploaded some documents through online using my own laptop because I'm a charge secretaries so I I used my own computer to those specific documents.

✓ The first time I used a computer was last Sunday because I prepared and uploaded some documents online using my own laptop, because I'm in charge of the secretaries, so I used my own computer for those specific documents.

Multiple errors: 'the computer' vs 'a computer'—use 'a computer' when speaking generally; 'did and uploaded' should be 'prepared and uploaded'; 'through online' should be 'online'; 'I'm a charge secretaries' is incorrect — correct is 'I'm in charge of the secretaries' or 'I'm the secretary in charge'; 'used my own computer to those specific documents' should be 'used my own computer for those specific documents'.

× I think without the computer my life is not very enjoyable because I grew up using the inner, the, uh, computer technology and without that also, umm, I, I felt very unsatisfied.

✓ I think without computers my life would not be very enjoyable because I grew up using computer technology, and without it I feel very unsatisfied.

Article and tense issues: 'without the computer' sounds like a specific machine—use 'computers' generally or 'without a computer'. 'I grew up using the inner, the, uh, computer technology' is garbled—'using computer technology' is correct. Use conditional 'would not be' to describe hypothetical situation; maintain consistent present tense 'I feel' for current feeling.

× That's why I, I need the, the laptop so I can use it in my daily needs at work mostly.

✓ That's why I need a laptop so I can use it for my daily work needs.

Article and word order: 'the laptop' implies a specific laptop—use 'a laptop' when stating a general need. 'Daily needs at work mostly' is awkward; 'for my daily work needs' is clearer. Remove repeated fillers.

× I think of there is a specific instances that I can't even open my laptop because I forgot the password and I need to use my phone in order to reset the password and I can finally open my laptop.

✓ I think if there is a specific instance when I can't open my laptop because I forgot the password, I need to use my phone to reset the password so I can finally open my laptop.

Conjunctions and agreement: 'I think of there is' should be 'I think if there is'; 'specific instances' (plural) must match 'a' or use singular 'instance'; use 'when' for time clauses. Simplify 'in order to reset' to 'to reset' and combine clauses with 'so' for purpose/result.

× That is one of my very unfortunate incident that happened to me last year.

✓ That was one of my most unfortunate incidents that happened to me last year.

Tense and agreement: use past tense 'was' because referring to a past event. 'One of my very unfortunate incident' is singular mismatch with 'one of' which requires plural 'incidents'. 'Very unfortunate' is fine but 'most unfortunate' is more natural here.