Computers— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Verbessern Sie die Flüssigkeit und Präzision: beginnen Sie mit einem klaren Themensatz, verwenden Sie verbindende Wörter und geben Sie ein konkretes Beispiel. Achten Sie auch auf Grammatik (z. B. "a bigger screen"). Versuchen Sie, nicht zu viele ähnliche Ideen zu wiederholen.

例: I usually use my computer for tasks that need more typing or a larger display, such as writing essays or composing long emails. For example, when I write a university assignment I prefer the computer because the keyboard and screen make editing and formatting much easier.

提案: Verbessern Sie Klarheit und Genauigkeit: geben Sie einen klaren Themensatz und präzise Details; vermeiden Sie ungenaue Formulierungen wie "watch in documentation". Nutzen Sie ein oder zwei unterstützende Details, verbunden durch passende Konnektoren.

例: I first used a computer when I was in preschool. My mother showed me an educational video on her computer, so I watched rather than used it, and I remember being fascinated by the images on the screen.

提案: Verbessern Sie die Prägnanz und Struktur: beginnen Sie direkt mit der Hauptaussage, fügen Sie spezifische Beispiele hinzu und vermeiden Sie Füllwörter wie "Yes, I can imagine that." Nutzen Sie Verbindungswörter, um Gründe zu ordnen.

例: Life without a computer would be very inconvenient for me because I rely on it for studying, work and entertainment. For instance, I use it for writing reports, attending online classes and streaming lectures, so losing it would disrupt my daily routine significantly.

提案: Verbessern Sie Grammatik und Präzision: korrigieren Sie Fehler (z. B. "if it comes to the situation") und machen Sie die Antwort konkreter, indem Sie typische Situationen und Konsequenzen angeben. Verwenden Sie ein verbindendes Wort am Satzanfang.

例: It would be difficult to use a computer when I'm outside and travelling, because I rarely carry a laptop. For example, if I needed to join an important meeting while on the move, not having my computer would make it hard to access documents and join video calls.

× I would use my computer when I need to write an essay or send an e-mail because it has bigger screen and it's more convenient to use than an iPhone.

✓ I would use my computer when I need to write an essay or send an e-mail because it has a bigger screen and it's more convenient to use than an iPhone.

Incorrect use of adjectives: the noun 'screen' is singular and requires the indefinite article 'a' before the comparative adjective phrase 'bigger screen'. Suggestion: include the article 'a' with singular countable nouns ('a bigger screen').

× The first time I used a computer was in preschool. My mother let me watch in documentation on her computer, but I wasn't really using it.

✓ The first time I used a computer was in preschool. My mother let me watch videos/documentation on her computer, but I wasn't really using it.

Past tense and word choice issue: 'let me watch in documentation' is ungrammatical. Use a plural/uncountable noun that fits 'watch' such as 'videos' or 'documentation' without the preposition 'in'. The past tense 'let' is correct; adjust the object to 'watch videos' or 'watch documentation'.

× My life without a computer would be extremely inconvenient because if I'm at home, I'm using my computer way more than I use my phone or other electronic devices.

✓ My life without a computer would be extremely inconvenient because if I'm at home, I use my computer way more than I use my phone or other electronic devices.

Incorrect present continuous: 'I'm using' implies a temporary action; in this habitual context, the simple present 'I use' is correct. Suggestion: use simple present for habitual routines ('I use my computer way more').

× If I'm outside, I won't carry my computer with me all the time, so if it come to the situation where I don't have my computer with me, that would be very difficult.

✓ If I'm outside, I won't carry my computer with me all the time, so if it comes to a situation where I don't have my computer with me, that would be very difficult.

Verb form agreement in conditional clause: 'come' should be in third person singular present 'comes' to agree with 'it'. Also 'come to the situation' is awkward; use 'comes to a situation' or 'it comes to a situation'. Suggestion: ensure subject-verb agreement and use natural collocations ('comes to a situation').