Computers— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Try to make your answer more natural and concise by avoiding filler words like 'uh' and 'umm'. Also, use linking words to connect your ideas smoothly. For example, start with a clear topic sentence, then explain with specific details using linking words such as 'because' or 'so'.

例: I usually use a computer when I need to do tasks that require a bigger screen, such as editing photos. For instance, last week I edited an A1-sized photo on my computer because it was easier than using my phone.

提案: Avoid filler words and unclear phrases like 'primized user computer'. Use clear and simple vocabulary to describe your experience. Also, structure your answer with a clear topic sentence followed by supporting details connected with linking words.

例: The first time I used a computer was on my 10th birthday when my father gave me one as a gift. I was surprised by the large screen because I had never seen a computer before.

提案: Make your answer clearer and more coherent by removing filler words and completing your sentences. Use linking words to explain your ideas logically. Also, avoid incomplete sentences and be specific about your reasons.

例: Honestly, my life would not change much without a computer because nowadays many people, including me, use other devices like mobile phones. I prefer my phone because it is more convenient and easy to carry around.

提案: Try to express your ideas more clearly and avoid repetition. Use correct vocabulary such as 'keyboard' instead of 'key bats'. Also, structure your answer with a clear topic sentence and supporting details connected with linking words.

例: It would be difficult for me to use a computer if I were not familiar with it because computers have many tools and a large keyboard, which can be confusing. For example, finding the right keys can be challenging for beginners.

× Umm, it's very rare I use computer.

✓ Umm, it's very rare that I use a computer.

The sentence is missing the article 'a' before 'computer' and the phrase 'it's very rare I use computer' is awkward. Adding 'that' improves clarity and grammatical correctness.

× Uh, I prefer using mobile phone instead of using computer.

✓ Uh, I prefer using a mobile phone instead of using a computer.

Both 'mobile phone' and 'computer' require the indefinite article 'a' because they are singular countable nouns.

× But I remember one week ago, uh, I have to edit A1 photo on big screen, so I choose computer.

✓ But I remember one week ago, uh, I had to edit an A1 photo on a big screen, so I chose a computer.

The sentence mixes present tense 'have to' and 'choose' with a past time reference 'one week ago'. The verbs should be in the past tense 'had to' and 'chose'. Also, articles 'an' before 'A1 photo' and 'a' before 'big screen' and 'computer' are needed.

× So that was the time I choose I used computer.

✓ So that was the time I chose to use a computer.

The verb 'choose' should be in past tense 'chose' to match the past time frame. Also, 'I used computer' is awkward; 'to use a computer' is clearer and grammatically correct.

× Uh, I remember when I was in my childhood, uh, my father gifted me new computer on my 10th birthday.

✓ Uh, I remember when I was a child, uh, my father gifted me a new computer on my 10th birthday.

The phrase 'in my childhood' is better expressed as 'when I was a child'. Also, 'new computer' needs the article 'a'.

× So that was the first time I used a computer and I was very shocked to see a huge screen.

✓ So that was the first time I used a computer and I was very shocked to see the huge screen.

When referring to a specific screen known in context, 'the' is appropriate instead of 'a'.

× So that was a primized user computer.

✓ So that was my first experience using a computer.

The original sentence is unclear and contains non-standard phrasing 'primized user computer'. Rephrasing clarifies the intended meaning.

× To be all very honest, I don't think that my life gonna stop if I'm not using computer as if this, umm, Internet era, everyone use a different kind of, uh, electric device in and I'm also one of them, uh, instead of using computer, I prefer my mobile.

✓ To be very honest, I don't think my life would stop if I didn't use a computer because in this Internet era, everyone uses different kinds of electronic devices and I'm one of them. Instead of using a computer, I prefer my mobile phone.

The sentence has multiple issues: 'gonna' is informal and incorrect here; 'would' is the correct modal verb for hypothetical situations. 'Use' should be 'uses' to agree with 'everyone'. 'Electric device' should be 'electronic device'. Articles 'a' before 'computer' and 'mobile phone' are needed.

× It's because it's more convenient and very easy to carry, and I can you.

✓ It's because it's more convenient and very easy to carry, and I can use it.

The sentence is incomplete and missing the verb 'use' and the pronoun 'it' to refer to the mobile phone.

× Umm, uh, undoubtedly computer is very important, but I want one of them who is not a computer person.

✓ Umm, uh, undoubtedly a computer is very important, but I am one of those who are not computer people.

The sentence misuses 'want' instead of 'am' and 'one of them' should be 'one of those'. Also, 'computer person' is better pluralized as 'computer people'.

× I think it's very hard to use the computer itself because it's like lots of tools and, uh, equipment and it has very big key key bats and it's very hard for me to find a letters on keypad.

✓ I think it's very hard to use the computer itself because it has lots of tools and equipment, and it has very big keyboards, so it's very hard for me to find the letters on the keypad.

The sentence has repetition 'key key bats' which should be 'keyboards'. 'A letters' is incorrect; it should be 'the letters'. The sentence is restructured for clarity and grammatical correctness.