Art— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more grammatically accurate and concise. Start with a clear topic sentence, then add one specific supporting detail. Use correct verb forms and articles (e.g., “I like drawing, especially flowers”). Avoid repeating “I would like to say.”

例: Yes, I enjoy drawing, especially flowers. When I was a child I dreamed of becoming an artist, so I practiced sketching petals and shading to improve my technique.

提案: Organize into one clear response with linked supporting details. Use correct word order and articles (e.g., “the gallery”). Combine related ideas with linking words (e.g., “because,” “so”). Avoid unnecessary conditional phrases that confuse tense.

例: Yes, I enjoy going to art galleries, especially on Sundays because I have more free time. When I was a child my father and I often visited galleries, so I developed an interest in exhibiting my own work someday.

提案: Provide a concise topic sentence and then one or two specific examples of what you want to learn. Use correct sentence structure and avoid fragments. Replace vague phrases like “drawing flower people” with clearer descriptions (e.g., “drawing floral portraits” or “figure drawing”).

例: Yes, I want to learn more about art to reach my goal of becoming an artist. For example, I plan to study figure drawing and cultural art traditions to understand different styles and techniques.

提案: Answer directly and avoid repetition. Use correct grammar (e.g., “I learned how to draw” and “I dreamed of being an artist”). Give one specific detail about what you learned or how you practiced to add credibility.

例: Yes, I learned how to draw as a child because I dreamed of becoming an artist. I took basic drawing classes where I practiced sketching objects and shading, which helped me improve my skills.

× Yes, I would like to say I like drawing, especially draw flower.

✓ Yes, I would like to say I like drawing, especially drawing flowers.

The original uses the base verb 'draw' after 'especially', but when talking about an activity you should use the -ing form. Also 'flower' should be plural 'flowers' to indicate the general activity of drawing flowers. Suggestion: use 'drawing' + plural noun for general activities.

× When I was a kid, I had a dream that I want to be an artist.

✓ When I was a kid, I had a dream that I wanted to be an artist.

The sentence mixes past ('had a dream') with present tense 'want'. When reporting a past thought or dream, verbs should be in the past (backshift). Use 'wanted' to match the past context.

× Yes, I would like to say I like to go to gallery, especially when it's on Sunday.

✓ Yes, I would like to say I like to go to the gallery, especially on Sundays.

Countable singular nouns like 'gallery' require an article: 'the gallery' if referring to a specific place. Also 'especially when it's on Sunday' is awkward; use 'especially on Sundays' to express a habitual preference.

× When I was a kid, I and my father often went to the gallery to see some art.

✓ When I was a kid, my father and I often went to the gallery to see some art.

Standard English order places 'I' after the other person: 'my father and I'. Also word order improves flow. No tense change needed.

× If I had the chance, I would say I'm going to open a gallery.

✓ If I had the chance, I would open a gallery.

This is a second conditional that pairs 'If I had the chance' with 'I would + base verb'. 'I would say I'm going to open' is wordy and mixes conditional and future forms incorrectly. Use 'I would open a gallery' to express hypothetical action.

× Yes, I would like to learn more about art in the future to achieve my dream as an artist.

✓ Yes, I would like to learn more about art in the future to achieve my dream of becoming an artist.

'Dream as an artist' is unidiomatic. Use 'dream of becoming an artist' or 'dream to be an artist'. 'Of becoming' uses the gerund to express the desired state.

× Such as drawing flower people and the culture.

✓ For example, drawing flowers, people, and cultural scenes.

Sentence fragment starting with 'Such as' lacks a main clause. Also 'drawing flower people and the culture' is unclear. Provide parallel nouns and pluralize 'flowers' and clarify 'culture' as 'cultural scenes' or similar. Start with 'For example' and include a full sentence if needed.

× And if I had to change I would like love to learn the art.

✓ And if I had to change, I would love to learn art.

Original mixes 'would like' and 'love' incorrectly and lacks comma after the conditional clause. Use either 'I would like to learn art' or 'I would love to learn art'. Remove the extra 'to' and reorder for clarity.

× Yes, I did learn to how to draw when I was a kid because when I was a kid I dreamed to be a artistic.

✓ Yes, I did learn how to draw when I was a kid because I dreamed of being an artist.

Remove extra 'to' in 'to how to draw' — correct is 'learn how to draw' or 'learn to draw'. 'Dreamed to be a artistic' is incorrect: use 'dreamed of being an artist' and 'artist' (noun) with no article; 'an' before 'artist' is fine but 'a artistic' is wrong because 'artistic' is adjective. Use 'an artist'.

× So in the future I would love to go.

✓ So in the future I would love to do that.

The phrase 'I would love to go' is vague without an object; use 'do that' or specify 'visit galleries' etc. 'Would love to' expresses future desire; keep conditional phrasing consistent.