Art— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more direct and concise. Start with a clear topic sentence answering the question (e.g., Yes, I do / No, not really). Then give one or two specific supporting details with correct tense and grammar. Avoid filler words (uh, um) and unrelated information (you mentioned traveling which confuses the topic). Use linking words to show reason or contrast (because, but, so).

例: Yes, I liked drawing when I was a child, but I don't draw much now because I became very busy in high school. My parents bought me many painting supplies, and I enjoyed sketching landscapes and cartoons when I had free time.

提案: Answer the actual question directly (Yes/No) and keep the response relevant to galleries rather than travel unless explaining location. Use clear reasons and complete the final thought. Replace fillers with linking words (because, therefore). Provide one specific example of how a gallery visit inspired you. Correct grammar (e.g., 'helped me become more creative', 'in terms of creativity').

例: Yes, I enjoy going to galleries because seeing different artworks helps me become more creative. For example, a recent visit to a contemporary exhibition in Calgary gave me ideas for a marketing campaign using bold colors and minimal design.

提案: Be concise and correct grammar: use a clear topic sentence and one precise reason with an example. Avoid repetition and filler words. Use linking phrases (because, which can, for example) and correct verb forms ('can increase', 'it could inspire').

例: Yes, I definitely want to learn more about art because it can increase my creativity, which helps me design better marketing campaigns. For example, studying color theory would help me choose palettes that attract target customers.

提案: Give a clear, grammatically correct timeline and specific details about what you learned. Start with a direct topic sentence (Yes, I did.) Then add one or two concrete details (age, what techniques or subjects you learned). Avoid vague phrases like 'all this that'.

例: Yes, I learned drawing at a Chinese school when I was a child. I enrolled in 2013 and the classes taught me basic sketching, shading techniques, and how to decorate illustrations with patterns.

× Uh, yes, but it was in the past, uh, when I was child, I loved traveling so much.

✓ Uh, yes, but that was in the past; when I was a child, I loved traveling so much.

The sentence uses past-time reference so verbs and time expressions must be in correct past-tense form and articles. 'It was in the past' is acceptable but 'that was in the past' is clearer. 'When I was child' is missing the indefinite article 'a' before 'child'. Use 'was' for past and include 'a'. Suggestion: Use 'when I was a child' and keep verbs consistent in past tense.

× I have a lot of the drawing, painting supplies that my parents bought it for me.

✓ I had a lot of drawing and painting supplies that my parents bought for me.

The sentence mixes present tense 'have' with past context and misuses the definite article 'the' and the extra pronoun 'it'. If referring to past possessions, use past tense 'had'. 'A lot of' should be followed directly by the nouns without 'the'. Combine parallel nouns with 'and'. Remove the redundant 'it'. Suggestion: Choose correct tense and do not add 'the' after 'a lot of'; do not include a redundant object pronoun.

× But when I turned to high school student, I don't have time to paint anymore, so I hope.

✓ But when I became a high school student, I didn't have time to paint anymore, so I stopped.

'Turned to high school student' is not idiomatic; use 'became a high school student'. The time reference is past, so use past tense 'didn't have' not 'don't have'. 'So I hope' is incomplete and tense-inconsistent; use a suitable past-result phrase like 'so I stopped' or 'so I couldn't continue.' Suggestion: Keep tense consistent and use idiomatic verbs like 'became' and a complete result clause.

× I basically love to travel to Calgary because, umm, it helped me to, uh, earn more creativity from the piece of art that they put in the gallery.

✓ I basically love going to the gallery because it helps me gain more creativity from the pieces of art they display in the gallery.

The original says 'travel to Calgary' (likely meant 'gallery') and mixes past 'helped' with present preference 'love'. Use 'love going to the gallery'. Use 'helps me gain' (no 'to' before 'earn' and 'earn creativity' is unnatural; 'gain creativity' or 'get inspired'). Use 'pieces of art' and 'display' instead of 'put'. Suggestion: Use correct noun 'gallery', consistent tense, natural verbs like 'gain' or 'get inspired', and plural 'pieces of art'.

× So probably it's helped me in term of creativity because I am a marketer so I need a lot of.

✓ So it probably helps me in terms of creativity because I am a marketer and I need a lot of ideas.

Mixes past 'helped' with present job 'I am a marketer'. Use present 'helps' for habitual effect. 'In term of' should be 'in terms of'. Sentence ends incomplete; add 'ideas' or 'creative ideas' to complete the thought. Suggestion: Keep tense consistent, use correct prepositional phrase 'in terms of', and finish the sentence with the noun required.

× I basically love to travel to Calgary because, umm, it helped me to, uh, earn more creativity from the piece of art that they put in the gallery. So probably it's helped me in term of creativity because I am a marketer so I need a lot of.

✓ I basically love going to the gallery because it helps me gain more creativity from the pieces of art on display. So it probably helps me in terms of creativity because I am a marketer and I need a lot of ideas.

When expressing likes, 'love' is commonly followed by a gerund ('going') rather than an infinitive ('to go') in this context. Also 'earn more creativity' is unnatural; use 'gain' or 'develop more creativity'. Ensure verb forms match habitual/general truths (present simple 'helps'). Suggestion: Use gerunds after 'love' for activities and natural verbs like 'gain' or 'develop' for intangible outcomes.

× Uh, yes, definitely, because umm, I saw the potential of umm, knowing a lot of air art can increasing your ability in creativity and it's could inspire me to umm umm, come up with a new idea for the marketing campaign as well.

✓ Uh, yes, definitely, because I saw the potential that knowing a lot about art can increase your creative ability and it could inspire me to come up with new ideas for marketing campaigns as well.

Problems: 'knowing a lot of air art' should be 'knowing a lot about art'. 'Can increasing' is incorrect; use modal 'can increase'. 'It's could' incorrectly combines 'it is' and 'could' — use 'it could'. 'A new idea for the marketing campaign' is awkward; use plural 'new ideas for marketing campaigns' for generality. Suggestion: Use correct modal constructions (can + base verb; could + base verb), correct prepositions ('about art'), and avoid combining 'it is' with modal verbs.

× Yes, I used to learn how to draw when I was in a Chinese school.

✓ Yes, I used to learn how to draw when I was at a Chinese school.

Small preposition choice: 'in a Chinese school' is acceptable but 'at a Chinese school' is more idiomatic for attendance. 'Used to learn' is okay for past habitual actions; no tense change needed. Keep past context consistent. Suggestion: Prefer 'at' when referring to attending a school.

× I would say that it's went back to 2013.

✓ I would say that it went back to 2013.

'It's went' incorrectly combines 'it is' with past 'went'. Use simple past 'it went back to 2013' to describe a past time. 'Would say' is a conditional/modal expression and can remain. Suggestion: Do not combine auxiliary 'is' with a past-tense main verb; use correct tense form.

× That is the time that I enrolled in the Chinese class. So they taught me how to draw and how to decorate all this that.

✓ That was the time when I enrolled in the Chinese class. They taught me how to draw and how to do decorations.

Tense consistency: use past 'was' because referring to past time. 'The time that I enrolled' -> 'when I enrolled' is smoother. The phrase 'decorate all this that' is ungrammatical and vague; use 'do decorations' or 'decorate projects' depending on meaning. Suggestion: Keep past tense consistent and replace unclear phrases with clear noun phrases like 'decorations' or 'decorate projects'.