Art— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and correct grammar: start with a clear topic sentence, avoid filler words (uh, um), use correct verb forms and plural/singular agreement, and provide one specific supporting detail. Keep answers to 2–4 sentences and use linking words (for example, because).

例: Yes, I enjoy painting because it helps me relieve stress from studying and exams. For example, after a long day of revision I spend an hour painting landscapes, which helps me relax and sleep better.

提案: Answer the question directly with a clear stance, reduce contractions/slang (gonna), and explain reason with one or two coherent supporting points using linking words (however, but). Avoid contradictory phrasing. Correct grammar (singular/plural, articles).

例: Not really. Although galleries can teach you about art and its history, I prefer a more casual approach. For example, I like to look at images online to enjoy the colours and style without studying the background in depth.

提案: Give a complete, coherent answer: state your preference clearly, use linking words (however, although), avoid trailing sentences, and provide a specific example of how you learn (websites, social media). Use correct collocations (browse the Internet, images).

例: I don't want to study art history in depth, but I do want to see and learn about artworks casually. For instance, I often browse Instagram and art blogs to discover new paintings and save images I like for inspiration.

提案: Clarify and correct meaning: start with a direct answer (Yes/No), explain briefly why, use correct vocabulary (I disliked it because my mum forced me to attend art classes), and avoid unclear phrases. Provide one specific detail about what happened and how you feel now.

例: No, I didn't enjoy drawing as a child because my mother forced me to take art classes at an agency, which made it stressful. As a result I stopped formal lessons, but now I sometimes paint for fun because I find it relaxing.

× Personally, I love painting because it helped me to release stress and lower the pressure from the daily life.

✓ Personally, I love painting because it helps me to release stress and lower the pressure of daily life.

The sentence mixes present ('I love') with past ('helped') incorrectly. Use simple present 'helps' to express habitual or general truth. Also 'the daily life' is unnatural; use 'daily life' or 'the pressures of daily life'. Suggestion: Use consistent present tense for habits: 'it helps me to release stress'.

× For example, uh, I usually busy with uh, my study and also the exam.

✓ For example, I am usually busy with my studies and exams.

Missing auxiliary 'am' for adjective 'busy' creates sentence without correct verb. 'Study' should be plural 'studies' and 'exam' plural 'exams' to indicate recurring events. Suggestion: Include the correct form of 'to be' and use plural nouns for repeated activities: 'I am usually busy with my studies and exams.'

× So uh, painting art can help me to uh, makes me more feel more comfortable and relaxed.

✓ So painting can help me feel more comfortable and relaxed.

After 'help' use base verb 'feel' (or 'to feel'); 'makes' is incorrect because subject 'painting' with 'help' doesn't take 'makes' here. Also 'painting art' is redundant; 'painting' suffices. Remove duplicate 'more'. Suggestion: Use 'help me feel' or 'help me to feel' and avoid redundant words.

× Well, go to the gallery means that you're gonna to learn more about art.

✓ Well, going to the gallery means that you'll learn more about art.

Use gerund 'going' as the subject. 'You're gonna to' is incorrect: 'gonna' already implies 'going to' and should be replaced by 'you'll' or 'you are going to'. Suggestion: Use 'going to the gallery means that you'll learn...' or 'going to the gallery means you will learn...'.

× You're gonna learn about the cultures and also, uh, the history about the arts.

✓ You'll learn about cultures and also the history of the arts.

Use 'of' rather than repeating 'about' for 'history of the arts'. Also 'cultures' without 'the' sounds more natural here unless referring to specific cultures. Suggestion: Use 'history of the arts' and avoid redundant prepositions.

× So this is the things that I don't like, uh, I dislike.

✓ So these are the things that I don't like.

Subject/verb number mismatch: 'this is the things' mixes singular 'this' with plural 'things'. Also redundant 'I dislike' isn't needed. Use 'these are the things' or 'this is something I don't like.' Suggestion: Match demonstrative pronoun to noun number: 'these are the things' or change noun to singular.

× So I prefer, uh, just to learn about the surface of the art.

✓ So I prefer just to learn about the surface of the art.

Small punctuation issue; more importantly 'the surface of the art' is awkward. Better: 'just to learn about the surface of art' or 'just to learn about art on the surface.' Suggestion: Use 'the surface of art' or 'just to learn about art superficially.'

× Not going to get into too deep.

✓ Not getting too deep into it.

Fragment lacking subject and auxiliary; 'too deep' needs preposition 'into' and proper gerund phrase 'getting too deep into it.' Suggestion: Use complete clause: 'I try not to get too deep into it' or 'not getting too deep into it.'

× As I mentioned, I dislike, uh, learning too deep about art, especially about its cultures and also, uh, history.

✓ As I mentioned, I dislike learning too deeply about art, especially its cultures and history.

Use adverb 'deeply' after 'learning' (or 'learning about art too much in depth'). 'About its cultures' is awkward; 'its' could refer to art — better 'its cultures and history' or 'the cultures and history of art.' Suggestion: Use 'deeply' for manner and prefer 'the cultures and history of art' for clarity.

× However, uh, I do like browsing to, uh, the Internet and uh, finding different pictures and image.

✓ However, I do like browsing the Internet and finding different pictures and images.

Use 'browsing the Internet' (no 'to'). 'Image' should be plural 'images' to match 'pictures'. Suggestion: Use 'browse the Internet' or 'browsing the Internet' and pluralize nouns when listing multiple items.

× Uh, I love, I enjoy and watching art, but I don't like.

✓ I love and enjoy watching art, but I don't like studying it deeply.

The original is fragmented and incomplete: 'I love, I enjoy and watching art' misuses conjunctions and lacks object after 'don't like.' Provide a complete contrast clause: 'but I don't like studying it deeply.' Suggestion: Combine verbs properly: 'I love watching art' or 'I love and enjoy watching art'. Finish the 'but' clause with a clear object.

× Well when I was a kid I really disliked us because my mouth forced me to learn art in the art agency and end up with a very bad result, so my mom didn't force me.

✓ Well, when I was a kid I really disliked it because my mother forced me to learn art at an art studio and I ended up with a very bad result, so my mom stopped forcing me later.

Multiple errors: 'disliked us' should be 'disliked it' (pronoun error). 'My mouth' is incorrect for 'my mom'. 'Forced' is correct past tense. 'End up' should be past 'ended up'. 'Art agency' is unnatural; 'art studio' fits. The latter clause 'so my mom didn't force me' contradicts previous; likely intended 'so my mom stopped forcing me' — use past tense 'stopped forcing me later.' Suggestion: Use correct pronouns ('it' for the activity), correct nouns ('mom' not 'mouth'), and consistent past tense: 'I ended up' and 'she stopped forcing me.'