Art— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and fix grammar errors. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Correct verb forms, articles and tense: e.g. say “When I was in high school I took art classes that gave me opportunities to draw.”

例: Yes, I do. I draw quite often. When I was in high school, I took art classes that gave me many opportunities to sketch and paint, which improved my creativity and imagination.

提案: Avoid repetition and unclear phrases. Give one clear reason with a specific example and use linking words (for example, because, and). Correct countable nouns and articles: say “artworks” or “artifacts” and “an opportunity.”

例: Yes, I do. I enjoy visiting galleries because I can see a wide range of artworks. For example, discussing a painting with friends helps me express my ideas and improves my ability to talk about art.

提案: Organize your answer with a clear topic sentence and one or two specific reasons. Avoid hesitations and unclear words like “labor our society.” Use vocabulary accurately (e.g. “enrich society,” “foster creativity”).

例: Yes, I would like to learn more about art because it enriches society and fosters creativity. For instance, studying art can help me develop new ideas and communicate them more effectively.

提案: Be direct and tidy: use past tense correctly and reduce hesitations. Start with a clear statement (Yes/No) and add a specific supporting detail about how you learned from your parents and siblings.

例: Yes, I did learn to draw as a child. My parents were good at sketching, so they taught me basic techniques at home and my sisters and I practiced together regularly.

× I I quite often do it.

✓ I quite often do it.

The sentence contains a duplicated word 'I' causing a sentence structure error and interruption. Remove the extra 'I' to form a grammatically correct sentence. Keep one subject 'I' followed by the adverbial phrase 'quite often' and the verb 'do'.

× I when I was a high school I took a art classes which provides me opportunity drawing something pictures.

✓ When I was in high school I took art classes which provided me with the opportunity to draw pictures.

Multiple issues: incorrect word order ('I when I was'), missing preposition 'in' before 'high school', incorrect article 'a art classes' (article and plural mismatch), wrong verb tense/number 'provides' should be past 'provided' to match 'took', missing preposition 'with' after 'provided', and incorrect verb form 'drawing' should be base form 'to draw'. Correct these to fix sentence structure and agreement.

× So I think it was really helpful to improve my creativity and imagination.

✓ So I think it was really helpful in improving my creativity and imagination.

The original is broadly understandable but 'helpful to improve' is less natural than 'helpful in improving' or 'helpful for improving'. Changing to 'in improving' uses the gerund correctly after 'helpful' to express purpose or result.

× I definitely like to go to the gallery because I like to see many beautiful products, art artifacts, which is really which is really helpful to improve my expressions and also communication skills as well because it provides me a opportunity to express my ideas with my friends and others.

✓ I definitely like to go to galleries because I like to see many beautiful works of art and artifacts, which are really helpful for improving my expression and communication skills, because they provide me with opportunities to express my ideas to friends and others.

Issues: 'the gallery' implies a specific gallery — plural 'galleries' suits general preference or 'the gallery' could be kept but here plural is natural. 'Products' is wrong collocation; use 'works of art'. Repetition 'which is really which is really' removed. Subject-verb agreement: 'which are' refers to plural 'works'. Use 'helpful for improving' (gerund). 'a opportunity' should be 'an opportunity' and 'provide me with opportunities' needs preposition 'with'. Use 'to express my ideas to friends' not 'with my friends' for clarity.

× ...because it provides me a opportunity to express my ideas with my friends and others.

✓ ...because it provides me with an opportunity to express my ideas to my friends and others.

Incorrect article 'a' before vowel sound 'opportunity' should be 'an'. Also missing preposition 'with' after 'provides' and better preposition 'to' for 'express ideas to someone'.

× Yes, I do I want to learn more about art because it is really essential to live our life society because it it is necessary to uh, labor our society, be, be the creativity, imagination artwork because it's really it's uh, the.

✓ Yes, I do. I want to learn more about art because it is essential to our lives and our society; it helps develop creativity and imagination and supports cultural work.

Original sentence has many repetitions, filler words, incorrect collocations ('labor our society'), missing prepositions and articles, and unclear fragments. Rewriting clarifies meaning: 'essential to our lives and our society' is correct collocation; 'helps develop creativity and imagination' uses correct verbs and nouns; 'supports cultural work' offers a concise ending. Remove fillers ('uh', repeated words).

× I know I didn't, but my parents told me about drawing because, uh, my parents are good at drawing and, uh, sketching, so I often, so they are, uh, drawing.

✓ No, I didn't, but my parents told me about drawing because they are good at drawing and sketching, so I often watched them draw.

'I know I didn't' is incorrect response to 'Did you learn drawing when you were a kid?': use 'No, I didn't'. Remove fillers. Use 'watched them draw' or 'learned from watching them draw' for clarity. 'so they are, uh, drawing' is ungrammatical; change to a clear past/habitual structure.

× So I learned from them with my sisters as well.

✓ So I learned from them, along with my sisters.

'Learned from them with my sisters' is awkward; 'along with my sisters' clearly indicates who learned together. This fixes pronoun/reference and preposition usage.