Art— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Try to make your answer more concise and natural by avoiding redundancy and improving sentence structure. Use linking words to connect ideas smoothly and provide specific reasons or examples for your liking.

例: Yes, I enjoy drawing because it is a relaxing activity during my leisure time. Additionally, drawing is a valuable skill that can lead to good job opportunities, such as becoming a drawing teacher. Personally, I love sketching landscapes because they inspire me.

提案: Avoid filler words like 'uh' and improve sentence clarity. Use linking words to connect your ideas logically and provide specific reasons or examples to support your answer.

例: Yes, I enjoy visiting galleries because I am fascinated by the artworks. Moreover, I admire the dedication artists put into their work, as they express their feelings through art. Visiting galleries helps me learn more about different styles and techniques.

提案: Clarify your answer by avoiding unclear phrases like 'doing admin' and improve sentence structure. Use linking words to connect ideas and provide specific reasons why you want to learn more about art.

例: Yes, I would love to learn more about art because I enjoy creating artwork in my free time. Furthermore, gaining more knowledge will help me improve my skills and possibly pursue a career in this field.

提案: Avoid repetition and incomplete sentences. Use linking words to make your answer coherent and provide more specific details about your learning experience.

例: Yes, I learned drawing during my primary school years. My art teacher was very talented and creative, and he taught us the basics, starting from drawing simple lines. I believe that art is an important skill that everyone should learn.

× Yes, I would love to go to gallery because, uh, I am really fascinated to watch this and I have always admired such artworks because I believe that this professional requires a lot of dedication and an artist always represents his feeling in the form of art.

✓ Yes, I would love to go to the gallery because, uh, I am really fascinated to watch this and I have always admired such artworks because I believe that this profession requires a lot of dedication and an artist always represents his feelings in the form of art.

The phrase 'go to gallery' is missing the definite article 'the' before 'gallery' which is necessary when referring to a specific place. Also, 'this professional' is incorrect; it should be 'this profession' to refer to the field of work. Additionally, 'his feeling' should be plural 'his feelings' to correctly express the artist's emotions.

× Yes, I like drawing because I believe that it is the best activity that can be performed in leisure time.

✓ Yes, I like drawing because I believe that it is the best activity that can be performed during leisure time.

The preposition 'in' is less appropriate here; 'during' is the correct preposition to indicate the time period when the activity is performed.

× Moreover, drawing is considered as skill nowadays and a person can get good job as a drawing teacher only and it is a good profession to engage oneself in.

✓ Moreover, drawing is considered a skill nowadays and a person can get a good job as a drawing teacher only, and it is a good profession to engage oneself in.

The phrase 'considered as skill' is incorrect; 'considered a skill' is correct. Also, 'get good job' needs the article 'a' before 'good job'.

× Moreover, I'm a person who loves drawing landscapes.

✓ Moreover, I'm a person who loves drawing landscapes.

This sentence is grammatically correct; no correction needed.

× Yes, I would love to learn more about art because I'm also a person who is engaged in artwork and I love doing admin in my free time.

✓ Yes, I would love to learn more about art because I'm also a person who is engaged in artwork and I love doing art in my free time.

The phrase 'doing admin' is unclear and likely incorrect in this context; it should be 'doing art' to match the topic of artwork.

× So in future if I'll get an opportunity to learn more about art, I would definitely love to grab it.

✓ So in the future, if I get an opportunity to learn more about art, I would definitely love to grab it.

The phrase 'in future' should be 'in the future' with the definite article. Also, 'if I'll get' is incorrect; the correct form is 'if I get' because 'if' clauses use present tense to talk about future possibilities.

× Yes, I learned drawing when I was a kid, mainly in my primary school.

✓ Yes, I learned drawing when I was a kid, mainly in my primary school.

This sentence is correct; no correction needed.

× I learned drawing because of the art teacher who was very talented and creative.

✓ I learned drawing because of the art teacher who was very talented and creative.

This sentence is correct; no correction needed.

× He taught us from the beginning to even draw a single line.

✓ He taught us from the beginning, even how to draw a single line.

The original sentence is awkward; restructuring it improves clarity and flow.

× He taught us.

✓ He taught us.

This sentence is correct but incomplete; it would be better combined with the previous sentence for clarity.

× Moreover, I think art is something which should be learned and can be.

✓ Moreover, I think art is something which should be learned and can be mastered.

The sentence ends abruptly with 'can be'; adding 'mastered' completes the thought and improves clarity.