Perfume— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Pronunciation and accuracy: correct mispronunciations and word choices (e.g. "parking" → "perfume"), and avoid possessive errors ("vanilla's" → "vanilla"). Structure: start with a clear topic sentence then add one or two concise supporting details. Keep to natural phrasing and avoid repetition. Vocabulary: use precise words (e.g. "scents" or "fragrances") and avoid unnecessary filler. Specific actions: practice minimal responses with 2–4 sentences, record yourself and compare to native models, and note key words you want to use (relaxed, comforting, floral, oriental).

例: Yes, I like perfume. I often wear fragrances with tropical or vanilla notes because their scents make me feel relaxed and reduce my stress. I prefer subtle perfumes that last all day.

提案: Clarity and grammar: fix subject-verb agreement and word choice ("the sense I wear" → "the scent I wear"). Avoid incomplete sentences. Coherence: use linking words to connect points (e.g. "because", "so", "also"). Be specific about frequency and context. Limit to 2–4 sentences and avoid repeating the same idea. Practice forming one clear topic sentence plus one supporting detail.

例: Yes, I use perfume every day, usually when I go to school or work because the scent helps me feel calmer. Also, several friends and coworkers often compliment my fragrance, which makes me more confident.

提案: Organization and cohesion: give a direct answer then two concise, clearly expressed reasons. Correct grammar ("if someone buy" → "if someone buys"; "the perfume is usually expensive" → "perfume can be expensive"). Avoid vague or irrelevant comments ("He is the best"). Use linking phrases like "firstly" and "secondly" and provide a brief example. Keep to 2–4 sentences.

例: Yes, I would buy perfume as a gift. Firstly, I know many people appreciate a nice fragrance, and secondly, perfume is considered a special, sometimes luxurious present that feels thoughtful.

提案: Grammar and clarity: correct sentence structure (e.g. "I think perfumes are expensive"). Be precise when explaining reasons: mention brand reputation, marketing, and cost of ingredients. Avoid vague or incorrect phrases ("we didn't perform so expensive"). Use linking words ("because", "however"). Keep the answer concise (2–3 sentences) and include a clear example or comparison.

例: Yes, I think perfumes can be expensive because luxury brands charge a premium for their fragrances and packaging. However, there are affordable alternatives from high-street brands that offer good-quality scents at lower prices.

× Yes, I like parking. I often wear perfumes and I especially like the smells of tropical and vanilla's because the perfumes make me feel more relaxed and reduce my stress.

✓ Yes, I like perfume. I often wear perfumes and I especially like the smells of tropical and vanilla scents because they make me feel more relaxed and reduce my stress.

The student wrote 'parking' instead of 'perfume' (word choice error) and used the possessive form 'vanilla's' incorrectly. This is a sentence structure and vocabulary issue (map to 'Sentence structure errors' and 'Incorrect use of adjectives or nouns'). Use 'perfume' (singular uncountable) or 'perfumes' and 'vanilla scents' to describe fragrance types. Also replace 'because the perfumes make me feel' with 'because they make me feel' to avoid repetition and ensure correct pronoun reference. Suggestion: Replace wrong words with correct vocabulary, avoid using possessive for scent names, and use pronouns to refer back to plural noun 'perfumes.'

× Yes, I use perfume in my daily life I often wear perfumes to school or work because the sense I wear help me feel more relaxed and reduce my stress. Also my friends and coworkers who love my sense and the.

✓ Yes, I use perfume in my daily life. I often wear perfume to school or work because the scent helps me feel more relaxed and reduces my stress. Also my friends and coworkers like my scent.

The sentence lacked punctuation and used 'sense' instead of 'scent' (wrong word) and incorrect verb agreement 'help' for singular subject. Also the phrase 'who love my sense and the.' is incomplete. Correct by separating into sentences, using 'scent' for fragrance, ensuring subject-verb agreement ('scent helps' and 'reduces'), and completing the idea ('friends and coworkers like my scent'). Suggestion: Use proper punctuation to separate ideas, choose correct vocabulary ('scent'), and match verbs to their singular/plural subjects.

× Yes, I will buy perfume as a gift. So first reason is because I will be so happy if someone buy me perfume as a gift and the second reason is the perfume is usually expensive and everyone likes perfumes. He is the best.

✓ Yes, I will buy perfume as a gift. The first reason is I would be so happy if someone bought me perfume as a gift, and the second reason is that perfume is usually expensive and many people like perfumes.

Mixed future and conditional forms are incorrect: 'if someone buy me' should use past form 'bought' in the conditional clause (second conditional) when expressing hypothetical situations; 'I will be so happy if someone bought me' should be 'I would be so happy if someone bought me' for correct conditional structure. Also 'the perfume is usually expensive' is corrected to 'that perfume is usually expensive' and 'everyone likes' changed to 'many people like' for naturalness. 'He is the best.' is unrelated and removed. Suggestion: Use conditional structure correctly: 'I would be happy if someone bought me...'; keep sentences relevant and avoid extraneous pronouns.

× Yes, I think perfume so expensive, expensive luxury brands often sell perfumes and that's the huge reason why we didn't perform so expensive and also other companies uh kind of fighting with those brands and selling expensive preference.

✓ Yes, I think perfume is very expensive. Luxury brands often sell perfumes at high prices, and that is a major reason why perfumes are expensive. Other companies also compete with those brands and sell premium perfumes.

Missing verb 'is' ('perfume so expensive' -> 'perfume is very expensive') and awkward/incorrect phrases like 'didn't perform so expensive', 'selling expensive preference' are unclear. Replace with clear expressions: 'sell perfumes at high prices', 'that is a major reason', and 'compete' for 'fighting'. Ensure subject-verb agreement and use appropriate adjectives/adverbs ('very expensive', 'major reason', 'premium perfumes'). Suggestion: Insert the missing verb 'is', avoid literal translations, and use precise vocabulary for competition and pricing.