Perfume— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and correct grammar. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific reasons with linking words. Avoid repetition and unclear phrases (e.g., 'breath of a fresher'). Use correct word forms and articles.

例: Yes, I do. I wear perfume regularly because it makes me feel more confident and fresh. For example, a light floral scent helps me feel ready for work, and it also leaves a pleasant impression on other people.

提案: Give a direct topic sentence and then detail the routine with clearer vocabulary and linking words. Replace vague words like 'stuffs' and avoid repeating 'perfume' too often. Limit to a few concise sentences.

例: Yes, I use perfume every day. I usually spray it on my wrists and neck, and sometimes lightly on my clothes or in my car to keep the scent lasting longer.

提案: Answer directly and avoid hesitations. State your opinion clearly, then give a specific reason and an example. Fix unclear expressions like 'leads on separateness' and use linking words such as 'however' or 'because'.

例: Yes, I would. Although some people think perfume can be a personal gift, I believe it is thoughtful because a nice scent can remind someone of you; for example, I once gave my sister a jasmine perfume and she wore it every day.

提案: Clarify the main idea: do you think perfumes are expensive or not? Use correct tense and plural forms and give specific examples of price ranges and reasons. Use linking words like 'however' or 'for example' to organize ideas.

例: I don't think all perfumes are expensive. In recent years many brands have introduced affordable options as well as luxury ones; for example, you can buy a simple body spray for under $10 or a designer perfume for over $100, so it depends on the brand and quality.

× I always wear the perfume because I like to.

✓ I always wear perfume because I like it.

The pronoun 'it' should refer to 'perfume'; 'to' is incorrect here. Use the object pronoun 'it' to avoid vague or ungrammatical phrasing.

× I like the breath of a fresher and I enjoy the good smell and confident and I appreciate the people who use perfume and they daily routine they make the nicer at.

✓ I like the fresh scent, and I enjoy a pleasant smell and feeling confident. I appreciate people who use perfume because it makes their daily routine nicer.

Multiple errors: 'breath of a fresher' is incorrect word choice and adjective form; 'fresh scent' is appropriate. 'Good smell and confident' mixes noun and adjective; separate into 'pleasant smell and feeling confident.' Pronoun and word order errors in 'they daily routine they make the nicer at' require restructuring to 'because it makes their daily routine nicer.' This corrects adjective use, pronoun reference, and sentence structure.

× Yes, I enjoy them as sweet fragrances.

✓ Yes, I enjoy sweet fragrances.

The pronoun 'them' is unnecessary and awkward. Use the noun phrase 'sweet fragrances' directly.

× So I wear perfume every day and I spray it on my wrist and also I dab on the perfume sometimes on my car and my clothes and my stuffs because I enjoy the smell of that.

✓ I wear perfume every day; I spray it on my wrists and sometimes dab it on my clothes or in my car because I enjoy the scent.

'Spray it on my wrist' should be plural 'wrists' for general habit. 'I dab on the perfume' has incorrect order; use 'dab it on'. 'My stuffs' is uncountable/incorrect; use 'my things' or simply 'my clothes'. 'Smell of that' is awkward; use 'scent.' Also simplify and correct preposition placement.

× Although my people believe the, uh, perfume, uh, gift, uh, leads on uh, separateness.

✓ Although some people believe that giving perfume as a gift can lead to distance between people,

This fragment is ungrammatical and unclear. 'My people' likely means 'some people'; 'leads on separateness' is incorrect collocation—use 'lead to distance' or 'create distance.' Also include 'that' after 'believe' and complete the clause.

× Uh, I think this is a good choice because I like, uh, the smell that moves through the air and uh, I like the, the people who I love, uh, catch a waft.

✓ I think it is a good choice because I like a fragrance that moves through the air, and I like that the people I love can catch a waft of it.

Pronoun use and word order: 'this' is better as 'it' referring to 'perfume'; 'the smell that moves through the air' is acceptable but 'a fragrance' is more natural. 'the people who I love, catch a waft' needs reordering and 'catch a waft of it' completes the idea and uses idiomatic phrasing.

× No, I think in recent years perfumes increased and the brands produces the different type of them, for example the expensive, cheap, strong light or sweet 1 and it is important to use them to enjoy the life, not to buy.

✓ No. I think perfumes have become more popular in recent years, and brands produce different types, for example expensive or cheap, strong or light, and sweet. It is important to use them to enjoy life, not just to buy them.

Tense and subject-verb agreement errors: use present perfect 'have become' for recent change. 'Brands produces' should be 'brands produce' (plural subject). 'Different type of them' should be 'different types.' The list was ungrammatical; restructure to parallel adjectives. 'Enjoy the life' should be 'enjoy life.' Add 'just' to clarify 'not just to buy them.'