Relax— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Make the response more natural and concise by using present perfect or present continuous for recent habits, give a clear topic sentence then one specific reason or detail. Avoid awkward phrasing like "unwind my stress" and "long, hardworking weekdays."

例: Lately I've been going to the shopping mall near my apartment to relax. I find walking around the shops and stopping for a coffee helps me unwind after a busy working week.

提案: Be direct in your topic sentence and simplify language. Use linking words to explain reasons (because, so) and correct grammar ("I prefer to spend time by myself"). Keep it to one or two supporting sentences with a specific example.

例: I usually relax by myself because I can choose what to do. For example, I might go for a walk, read a book, or watch a film without having to coordinate with others.

提案: Answer directly and avoid unclear or emotionally heavy phrases like "forget about my heart issue." Use clear reasons and a brief example. Keep sentences grammatical and avoid repetition ("most I usually").

例: Yes, I find listening to music very relaxing because it distracts me from stressful thoughts. For instance, I often play upbeat songs loudly while I tidy my room, and it helps lift my mood.

提案: Start with a clear topic sentence and give one or two specific supporting details. Use correct grammar ("even if I only do window shopping"; "it allows me"). Avoid irrelevant or unclear additions ("like some pet earlier is so cute").

例: I usually go shopping to relax, even if it's just window shopping. Walking around the mall, browsing stores, and stopping to watch people or look at pets in pet shops helps me forget about work for a while.

× I went to the shopping mall nearby my apartment to unwind my stress after long, hardworking weekdays.

✓ I went to the shopping mall near my apartment to unwind after long, hard weekdays.

Use of 'nearby' as an adjective before 'my apartment' is awkward; 'near' is correct. 'Unwind my stress' is non-idiomatic; say 'unwind' or 'unwind after ...'. 'Hardworking weekdays' is incorrect collocation; use 'hard weekdays' or 'busy weekdays'. Maintain past tense 'went' to match question about recent activity.

× Well, I have to say that when I have to relax or unwind my feeling, I prefer to spend time with myself which I can choose activity.

✓ Well, I have to say that when I need to relax or calm my feelings, I prefer to spend time alone so I can choose the activities.

Use 'need' instead of repeated 'have to' for naturalness. 'Unwind my feeling' is incorrect; use 'calm my feelings' or 'relax'. 'Spend time with myself' is non-native; use 'spend time alone'. 'Which I can choose activity' is ungrammatical; correct to 'so I can choose the activities' using a purpose clause and plural 'activities'.

× I like to do more than go with my friends or my family.

✓ I prefer that more than going out with my friends or family.

Original sentence structure is unclear. Use 'prefer that more than' or say 'I prefer that to going out with my friends or family'. 'Go with my friends or my family' should be 'going out with my friends or family' for correct verb form and natural phrasing.

× Yes, of course, when I have to forget about my heart issue in my life, I most I usually turn on the music loudly and forget for a while in realistic.

✓ Yes, of course. When I want to forget about the problems in my life, I usually turn the music up and forget about them for a while.

Tense and mood: use present simple 'want' and 'usually' for habitual actions. 'My heart issue' is unclear; use 'problems in my life' unless referring to a medical issue. 'I most I usually' is redundant; keep 'I usually'. 'Turn on the music loudly' is better as 'turn the music up'. 'Forget for a while in realistic' is ungrammatical; use 'forget about them for a while'.

× I like to go shopping even I do only window shopping is OK for me.

✓ I like going shopping; even just window shopping is OK with me.

Use gerund 'going shopping' or infinitive consistently: 'I like going shopping' is natural. 'Even I do only window shopping is OK for me' is ungrammatical; restructure to 'even just window shopping is OK with me'. Use 'with me' for suitability.

× It's allow me to forget about my work when I walk around the shopping mall and meet a lot of people there and like some pet earlier is so cute.

✓ It allows me to forget about my work when I walk around the shopping mall, see a lot of people, and sometimes see cute pets.

Subject-verb agreement: 'It's allow' should be 'It allows' (3rd person singular). The sentence had several issues: replace 'meet a lot of people there and like some pet earlier is so cute' with clearer coordinated verbs: 'see a lot of people' and 'sometimes see cute pets'. Use articles appropriately and simplify phrasing for clarity.