Relax— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more natural and concise: start with a clear topic sentence naming the place, then give one or two specific reasons using linking words. Correct grammar (articles, word order) and avoid repetition.

例: I usually relax at Seoul Forest, a public park near my home. It has many flowers and colorful trees, so I feel refreshed and more energetic when I walk there. For example, I often sit by the pond and read while listening to birds.

提案: Give a direct, clear answer and then support it with specific reasons. Fix unclear words and grammar (e.g. 'shopping center or copy' is confusing). Use linking words like 'because' or 'so' and limit to 2–3 sentences.

例: I usually relax with my family or close friends because they always support me and make me laugh. For instance, we sometimes go to a shopping mall together and chat about our favorite K-pop stars, which helps me unwind.

提案: Answer directly, then give a clear reason and a short example. Avoid vague phrases and incorrect expressions ('loses apart'). Use linking words like 'because' and keep sentences concise and grammatical.

例: Absolutely. I find music, especially K-pop, very relaxing because its upbeat melodies lift my mood and spark my creativity. For example, when I listen to a cheerful K-pop song after studying, I feel refreshed and less stressed.

提案: This answer is mostly clear but check accuracy of piece names and add one brief specific detail about how you use music to relax. Use a topic sentence then supporting detail with a linking word.

例: I usually relax by listening to classical music, especially Chopin's Nocturnes and Ballades, because they calm me down. For example, I play a Chopin piano playlist in the evening while I make tea and unwind after work.

× I normally go to Public Center Park called the Seoul Forest.

✓ I normally go to a public park called Seoul Forest.

The original sentence misuses capitalization and articles. 'Public Center Park' is unnatural and 'the' before a named park is unnecessary unless specific; use 'a' plus 'public park' and capitalize only proper name 'Seoul Forest'. Use 'called Seoul Forest' for the name.

× That is because there are a lot of flowers and colored trees, so it makes me feel more energetic, so I like there.

✓ That is because there are a lot of flowers and colorful trees, so they make me feel more energetic, and I like it there.

Multiple issues: 'colored trees' is better as 'colorful trees' (adjective choice). 'So it makes me' incorrectly refers to the park with 'it' while the plural 'flowers and trees' require 'they make me'. Also 'I like there' is incorrect word order and pronoun; use 'I like it there'.

× I normally go to shopping center or copy with my family or friends.

✓ I normally go to the shopping center or go shopping with my family or friends.

'Go to shopping center' needs an article ('the shopping center') and 'or copy' is likely a mistranslation; 'go shopping' is the correct verb phrase. Add 'go' before 'shopping' and include 'the'.

× That is because they are support always me and I really like talking about celebrity Kashi.

✓ That is because they always support me, and I really like talking about the celebrity Kashi.

Incorrect word order: 'are support always me' should be 'always support me' (auxiliary 'are' is unnecessary). Also add 'the' before a specific celebrity and fix word order.

× It is really.

✓ It really is.

Short answer 'It is really.' is unnatural; inversion to 'It really is.' or expand to 'It really is true.' improves clarity and uses correct adverb placement.

× Absolutely yes, I've always loved music especially K pop.

✓ Absolutely. I've always loved music, especially K-pop.

Combine responses into two sentences and hyphenate 'K-pop'. 'Absolutely yes' is redundant; 'Absolutely.' or 'Yes, absolutely.' is better.

× It makes me feel more creative and relaxed so I would like relax especially loses apart too.

✓ It makes me feel more creative and relaxed, so I would like to relax, especially when I'm apart from others.

Many problems: 'would like relax' needs 'to relax'; 'loses apart' is unintelligible — likely meant 'when I'm apart' or 'when I'm alone'. Reorder and add preposition 'when' and subject 'I'm'.

× This song is really cheerful song so.

✓ This song is really cheerful, so I enjoy it.

Redundant 'song' and incorrect sentence ending. Use a comma and complete clause 'so I enjoy it' or 'so it cheers me up.'

× I tend to listen to classic music, especially Chopin's Polynesia or Chopin's Ballade.

✓ I tend to listen to classical music, especially Chopin's Polonaises or Chopin's Ballade.

Use 'classical music' (adjective form), correct title 'Polonaises' (if referring to his polonaises) and 'Ballade' (singular is fine) with consistent capitalization. 'Polynesia' is incorrect word.

× That is because it makes me feel more calm and relaxed.

✓ That is because it makes me feel calmer and more relaxed.

Use comparative 'calmer' rather than 'more calm' and use parallel structure 'calmer and more relaxed' for natural English.