Birthday— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more direct and natural: start with a clear topic sentence, avoid filler words and grammar errors, and add one specific supporting detail using a linking word. Keep to no more than 3–4 sentences. Correct verb tense and prepositions (e.g., “go home” not “come back to home”).

例: I usually celebrate my birthday quietly with my family. We often go out for dinner at a favourite restaurant, and then we go home to have cake and chat.

提案: Use past tense consistently and give a brief reason or specific example. Start with a clear past-topic sentence, then add one supporting detail with a linking word to make it coherent. Avoid absolute statements without explanation.

例: When I was young, I didn’t celebrate my birthday much because I was shy. For example, I preferred staying at home with my parents rather than having a party.

提案: Answer directly and expand with a clear reason using linking words. Avoid hesitations and split ideas into one or two coherent sentences. Use full sentences and correct pronouns (e.g., “I would appreciate their efforts”).

例: Yes, I think it is important, because celebrations show that people care about you. If someone wanted to celebrate my birthday, I would appreciate their effort and enjoy spending time with them.

提案: Be specific and correct family terms and names; begin with a topic sentence naming whose birthdays you prioritize, then give one specific reason or example using a linking word. Avoid repetition and grammatical errors (e.g., “biggest and greatest celebration,” not “with the with the”).

例: I think my siblings’ birthdays are the most important to celebrate. For example, I would organize a big family dinner and a cake for my sisters Maria and William and my brother Shahrukh because family gatherings are very meaningful to us.

× I do not think I just celebrate my birthday with my family and go out for dinner and come back to home.

✓ I do not think so; I usually just celebrate my birthday with my family, go out for dinner, and come back home.

The original sentence has unclear structure and redundant words ('to home'). This is a sentence structure error (ID 26). Clarify the idea by adding 'so' after 'I do not think' and reorder actions in a parallel list. Remove the unnecessary preposition 'to' before 'home' and add commas to separate listed activities.

× When I was young, I do nothing because I don't like to celebrate my birthdays.

✓ When I was young, I did nothing because I didn't like to celebrate my birthdays.

The sentence mixes past time reference 'When I was young' with present tense verbs 'do' and 'don't'. This is a past tense error (ID 5). Use the simple past 'did' and 'didn't' to match the past-time context.

× Yes, it is. If, uh, there's someone who would like, uh, to celebrate my birthday, so I will. Appreciate his efforts.

✓ Yes, it is. If someone would like to celebrate my birthday, I will appreciate their efforts.

Multiple issues: the original uses a broken sentence and awkward modal phrasing; starting a clause with 'so' after 'if' is incorrect. This is modal verb/ sentence structure issue (ID 4 and 26), but per instructions correct only listed types—here classify as modal verb usage (ID 4). Combine clauses into one complete sentence: 'If someone would like to celebrate my birthday' followed by the main clause. Use 'will appreciate' as a complete verb phrase and use 'their' as a gender-neutral pronoun to agree with 'someone'.

× My siblings, my sisters Maria, William and my brother Shahrukh. I would like to celebrate their birthdays in China with the with the biggest and the great celebration.

✓ My siblings: my sisters Maria and William, and my brother Shahrukh. I would like to celebrate their birthdays in China with the biggest and greatest celebration.

The original has a sentence fragment (no main verb in the first part) and pronoun/wording issues. Classified as incorrect use of pronouns (ID 12) because listing was unclear and gender/number reference ambiguous; also fix adjective usage. Make the first part a proper noun list with punctuation and add a full sentence for the desire to celebrate. Replace 'the great' with 'greatest' to parallel 'biggest' and correct duplicate 'the with the'. Ensure parallel adjective forms.