Birthday— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Your answer is understandable but it lacks clarity and has some grammatical errors. Try to use simpler sentences and avoid redundancy. Also, use linking words to connect ideas smoothly. For example, you can say, "I usually do not celebrate my own birthday. However, I arrange celebrations for my children's birthdays. I invite my friends, my children's friends, my wife, and neighbors."

例: I usually do not celebrate my own birthday. However, I arrange celebrations for my children's birthdays. I invite my friends, my children's friends, my wife, and neighbors to join us. We enjoy the day together with food and games.

提案: Your answer has some unclear phrases and grammatical mistakes. Try to be more specific and use correct expressions. Also, avoid vague words like 'et cetera'. Use linking words to make your answer coherent. For example, "When I was young, my family arranged a small celebration in our neighborhood. We offered sweets to our neighbors and visited the sick to ask for their prayers."

例: When I was young, my family arranged a small celebration in our neighborhood. We offered sweets to our neighbors and visited the sick to ask for their prayers. It was a meaningful tradition that brought us closer to the community.

提案: Your answer is confusing and has grammatical errors. Try to express your opinion clearly and use linking words to connect ideas. Avoid short fragmented sentences. For example, "I do not think it is important for me to celebrate my birthday because I am already 35 years old. Instead, I focus on celebrating my children's birthdays. During family gatherings, we offer sweets and cakes to everyone."

例: I do not think it is important for me to celebrate my birthday because I am already 35 years old. Instead, I focus on celebrating my children's birthdays. During family gatherings, we offer sweets and cakes to everyone, which makes the occasion special.

提案: Your answer is unclear and contains errors. Try to be honest if you don't know, but express it clearly and politely. Use linking words to improve coherence. For example, "I am not sure about the customs in China because they may vary from family to family. Therefore, I do not know whose birthday is considered the most important to celebrate."

例: I am not sure about the customs in China because they may vary from family to family. Therefore, I do not know whose birthday is considered the most important to celebrate. However, I think family gatherings are important in many cultures.

× Actually I do nothing on my birthday but on my child children's birthday I make arrangement of celebration.

✓ Actually I do nothing on my birthday but on my children's birthday I make arrangements for celebration.

The word 'child' is unnecessary before 'children's' as 'children' is already plural. 'Arrangement' should be plural 'arrangements' because it refers to multiple preparations. Also, 'make arrangement of celebration' is incorrect; the correct phrase is 'make arrangements for celebration.'

× I invite some friends of mine and also my children's friends and my wife's and neighbors also.

✓ I invite some friends of mine and also my children's friends, my wife's friends, and neighbors as well.

The phrase 'my wife's and neighbors also' is unclear and missing 'friends' after 'wife's'. It should be 'my wife's friends' to parallel 'my children's friends'. Also, adding commas improves clarity.

× Basically, on my birthday, we did a family arrangements in our locality and we offered sweets to our neighbors and sick them, seek their prayers for me, et cetera.

✓ Basically, on my birthday, we made family arrangements in our locality and offered sweets to our neighbors and the sick, seeking their prayers for me, et cetera.

'Did a family arrangements' is incorrect; 'arrangements' is plural and should be preceded by 'made' not 'did'. 'Sick them' is incorrect; it should be 'the sick' as a noun phrase. 'Seek' should be 'seeking' to match the participle form after 'and'.

× Basically, on my birthday, we did a family arrangements in our locality and we offered sweets to our neighbors and sick them, seek their prayers for me, et cetera.

✓ Basically, on my birthday, we made family arrangements in our locality and offered sweets to our neighbors and the sick, seeking their prayers for me, et cetera.

The verb 'did' is incorrect with 'arrangements'; 'made' is the correct past tense verb collocated with 'arrangements'. Also, 'seek' should be 'seeking' to indicate simultaneous action.

× I didn't. I don't know. I don't think so because I'm already off 35 years of age and my birthday celebration is of no use and I arrange my children's birthday celebration.

✓ I didn't. I don't know. I don't think so because I am already 35 years old and my birthday celebration is of no use, so I arrange my children's birthday celebrations.

'I'm already off 35 years of age' is incorrect; the correct expression is 'I am already 35 years old'. Also, 'birthday celebration' should be plural 'celebrations' to match the context. Adding 'so' improves sentence flow.

× In our family gatherings. We offer some sweets and cakes to others.

✓ In our family gatherings, we offer some sweets and cakes to others.

The first sentence is a fragment; it should be combined with the next sentence using a comma. This is a sentence structure issue but also relates to clarity.

× In our family gatherings. We offer some sweets and cakes to others.

✓ In our family gatherings, we offer some sweets and cakes to others.

The first sentence is incomplete and should be connected to the next sentence with a comma to form a complete sentence.

× Actually in China, the Bardis elevation may vary from family to family, but I don't know the way that Chinese people and celebrate their birthday.

✓ Actually, in China, the birthday celebration may vary from family to family, but I don't know how Chinese people celebrate their birthdays.

'Bardis elevation' is a misspelling of 'birthday celebration'. The phrase 'the way that Chinese people and celebrate their birthday' is ungrammatical; it should be 'how Chinese people celebrate their birthdays'. Also, 'birthday' should be plural to match 'people'.