Birthday— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: 回答は内容が豊富ですが、文法の誤りや不自然な表現が見られます。例えば、「my family sing a song for me」は「my family sings a song for me」とするべきです。また、「such as APC and a smartphone」の「APC」が不明瞭で、具体的に説明すると良いでしょう。さらに、文を5文以内にまとめ、より自然で流暢な表現を心がけてください。

例: On my birthday, I usually eat special cakes. My parents give me presents, like a smartphone or other gadgets. Also, my family sings a birthday song for me, which makes me feel loved and happy.

提案: 回答は内容が明確ですが、文法の誤りや冗長な表現があります。例えば、「gave me a special present for me」は「gave me a special present」と簡潔にできます。また、「In my childhood」は「When I was young」の方が自然です。接続詞を使って文をつなげるとより流暢になります。

例: When I was young, I often went to the amusement park with my friends on my birthday. In the evening, my family gave me special presents, which made the day very memorable.

提案: 回答は意味が伝わりますが、「on the first day」の表現が不自然で、文が繰り返しになっています。より簡潔で自然な表現を使い、理由を具体的に述べると良いでしょう。

例: I think celebrating my birthday is important because it marks a special day in my life. It allows me to feel appreciated and spend time with loved ones, making the day meaningful.

提案: 回答に文法の誤りが多く、意味が分かりにくい部分があります。例えば、「furthest」は誤用で、「father」のことだと思われます。また、「celebrating the day show their respect」は「celebrating the day shows respect」と修正が必要です。文を簡潔にし、正しい文法で表現しましょう。

例: In China, I think my father's and mother's birthdays are the most important to celebrate. They work hard and support the family, so celebrating their birthdays shows respect and gratitude.

× On my birthday, I eat special cakes and my mother and father give me a special present such as APC and a smartphone, plus my family sing a song for me.

✓ On my birthday, I eat special cakes and my mother and father give me special presents such as an APC and a smartphone, plus my family sings a song for me.

The word 'present' should be plural 'presents' because it refers to more than one item. Also, 'my family sing' should be 'my family sings' because 'family' is a singular collective noun and requires a singular verb form.

× On my birthday, I eat special cakes and my mother and father give me a special present such as APC and a smartphone, plus my family sing a song for me.

✓ On my birthday, I eat special cakes and my mother and father give me a special present such as an APC and a smartphone, plus my family sings a song for me.

The verb 'sing' should be 'sings' to agree with the singular subject 'my family'.

× On my birthday, I eat special cakes and my mother and father give me a special present such as APC and a smartphone, plus my family sing a song for me.

✓ On my birthday, I eat special cakes and my mother and father give me a special present such as an APC and a smartphone, plus my family sings a song for me.

The article 'an' is needed before 'APC' because it starts with a vowel sound.

× In my childhood, on my birthday, I often went to the amusement park with my friends and on the evening my family gave me a special present for me.

✓ In my childhood, on my birthday, I often went to the amusement park with my friends and in the evening my family gave me a special present.

The phrase 'on the evening' should be 'in the evening' because 'in the evening' is the correct prepositional phrase for time. Also, 'gave me a special present for me' is redundant; 'for me' is unnecessary after 'gave me'.

× In my childhood, on my birthday, I often went to the amusement park with my friends and on the evening my family gave me a special present for me.

✓ In my childhood, on my birthday, I often went to the amusement park with my friends and in the evening my family gave me a special present.

The preposition 'on' is incorrect with 'evening'; the correct preposition is 'in'.

× In my childhood, on my birthday, I often went to the amusement park with my friends and on the evening my family gave me a special present for me.

✓ In my childhood, on my birthday, I often went to the amusement park with my friends and in the evening my family gave me a special present.

The phrase 'gave me a special present for me' repeats the object pronoun unnecessarily; 'for me' should be omitted.

× I think that on the first day, it is important to celebrate the day because the birthday is the most special day for me, and celebrating the day makes the day more meaningful and special.

✓ I think that on the first day, it is important to celebrate the day because the birthday is the most special day for me, and celebrating it makes the day more meaningful and special.

Using 'celebrating the day' twice is repetitive; replacing the second 'the day' with 'it' improves clarity and flow.

× In China, the furthest and mother's birthday is the most important for me because they are highly respected in the family for support and hardworking for their family, celebrating the day show their respect.

✓ In China, the father's and mother's birthdays are the most important for me because they are highly respected in the family for their support and hard work for their family; celebrating the day shows respect to them.

'Furthest' is incorrect; it should be 'father's'. Also, 'birthday is' should be 'birthdays are' to agree in number. 'Hardworking' should be 'hard work' as a noun. 'Celebrating the day show' should be 'celebrating the day shows' to agree with singular subject.