Birthday— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Your answer is understandable but contains grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. Try to use correct verb tenses and clearer sentence structures. Also, avoid redundancy and improve coherence by using linking words.

例: On my birthday, I usually invite my parents and close friends to go out for dinner because I think birthdays are the perfect time for a reunion. This helps strengthen our relationships and allows me to spend time with my loved ones.

提案: Your answer has repetition and grammatical mistakes. Try to use past tense consistently and avoid repeating words. Also, clarify your ideas with better linking and more precise vocabulary.

例: When I was young, I usually went to the same park, and my mom would order a big cake for me because I believe simple memories are the best. I also loved riding the roller coaster and other thrilling rides as a child.

提案: Your answer has some unclear expressions and grammatical errors. Try to express your ideas more clearly and avoid repetition. Use linking words to connect your points logically.

例: Yes, I think birthdays are important because they mark a significant milestone in a person's life. For example, my mother often jokes that with each year older, we gain more wisdom. Therefore, celebrating birthdays is meaningful.

提案: Your answer is heartfelt but contains repetition and lacks clear linking. Try to avoid repeating words and use linking phrases to make your answer more coherent and natural.

例: To be honest, I think my grandpa's birthday is the most important to celebrate because he is the oldest member of our big family. We really cherish the time we spend together, and each year with him means a lot to us.

× On my birthday, I usually invited my parents and the best friends go out for a dinner because I think birthday is perfect time for reunion.

✓ On my birthday, I usually invite my parents and my best friends to go out for dinner because I think birthday is the perfect time for reunion.

The sentence mixes past tense 'invited' with 'usually' which indicates habitual action, so present tense 'invite' is correct. Also, 'the best friends' should be 'my best friends' for clarity, and 'go out for a dinner' should be 'to go out for dinner'. 'Birthday is perfect time' needs 'the' before 'perfect time'.

× It can build up our relationship and having my beloved.

✓ It can build up our relationship and help me be with my beloved.

The phrase 'and having my beloved' is incomplete and incorrect. After 'and', a verb in base form or gerund should be used properly. Here, 'help me be with my beloved' clarifies the meaning.

× When I was young, I usually go to the same park and I would I would let my mom order a big, big cake for me because I think simpler is perfect memory to me.

✓ When I was young, I usually went to the same park and I would let my mom order a big, big cake for me because I think simple things are perfect memories to me.

Since the time is past ('When I was young'), 'go' should be past tense 'went'. 'Simpler' is comparative and not appropriate here; 'simple things' fits better. 'Perfect memory to me' should be plural 'perfect memories to me'.

× I love ride ride the roller coaster and other horrifying things when I was a kid.

✓ I loved riding the roller coaster and other thrilling things when I was a kid.

After 'love' or 'loved', the verb should be in gerund form 'riding'. 'Horrifying' is negative; 'thrilling' is more appropriate for amusement rides.

× Yes, I think birthday is a remarkable anniversary for each person because it means you you are one year older and my mother often jokes like one year older one years mother.

✓ Yes, I think a birthday is a remarkable anniversary for each person because it means you are one year older and my mother often jokes like 'one year older, one year wiser'.

'Birthday' needs an article 'a' here. The phrase 'one years mother' is incorrect; likely intended 'one year wiser'.

× So I think it serve as a milestone in your life.

✓ So I think it serves as a milestone in your life.

The verb 'serve' should be 'serves' to agree with singular subject 'it'.

× So celebrating birthday is of important.

✓ So celebrating birthdays is important.

'Of important' is incorrect; 'important' is an adjective and does not need 'of'. Also, 'birthday' should be plural 'birthdays' to generalize the statement.

× To be honest, I would say it's my grandpa's birthday because my grandpa is like the oldest, oldest person in our big family and we really cherish the time we spend together and the year means everything.

✓ To be honest, I would say it's my grandpa's birthday because my grandpa is the oldest person in our big family and we really cherish the time we spend together; the year means everything.

'The oldest, oldest person' is redundant; one 'oldest' is enough. The sentence is long and can be better connected with a semicolon. 'The year means everything' is vague but kept as is.