Birthday— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Your answer is quite long and a bit repetitive. Try to be more concise and directly answer the question with a clear topic sentence. Use linking words to connect your ideas smoothly and avoid redundancy. Also, try to use more varied vocabulary related to birthdays.

例: I usually don't focus much on my birthday. My husband and daughter remember it and often buy me a gift or a special cake. I prefer to simply enjoy their company rather than organizing any special celebration.

提案: Your answer is unclear and difficult to understand due to grammar and vocabulary issues. Try to structure your answer with a clear topic sentence and supporting details. Use simple and correct sentences to describe your past birthday activities. Avoid unnecessary or confusing information.

例: When I was young, I celebrated my birthday according to the Malay Ilum calendar. I used to go to the temple to pray for a good life. My mother helped me remember these traditions.

提案: Your answer has some good points but is confusing due to grammar mistakes and unclear expressions. Try to give a clear opinion first, then explain your reasons with linking words. Use appropriate vocabulary to express your feelings about birthday celebrations.

例: I don't think celebrating my own birthday is very important. However, I enjoy celebrating my husband's birthday. I prefer not to spend too much money on my own celebration because I don't consider it essential.

提案: Your answer is honest but lacks detail and structure. Try to respond directly to the question with a clear topic sentence, then explain your lack of knowledge politely. Use linking words to make your answer coherent and avoid repetition.

例: I'm not very familiar with Chinese culture or traditions, so I don't know whose birthday is considered the most important to celebrate. I would like to research this topic to learn more.

× I'm not much focused on that kind of things.

✓ I'm not much focused on that kind of thing.

The phrase 'that kind of things' is incorrect because 'kind' is singular and should be followed by a singular noun. The correct phrase is 'that kind of thing'. This is a common singular and plural agreement issue.

× Usually my daughter and my husband would remember my birthdate and they would purchase some kind of birthday gift or some special cake for me and I just want to participate on that.

✓ Usually my daughter and my husband remember my birthdate and they purchase some kind of birthday gift or some special cake for me and I just want to participate in that.

The use of 'would' here is unnecessary as the sentence describes habitual actions, so simple present tense is appropriate. Also, the correct preposition is 'participate in' not 'participate on'. This addresses modal verb usage and preposition errors.

× I just want to participate on that.

✓ I just want to participate in that.

The verb 'participate' is followed by the preposition 'in', not 'on'. Using the wrong preposition changes the meaning and is grammatically incorrect.

× But I must say again in care like the birth date according to the Malay Ilum calendar is taken as the birthday date.

✓ But I must say again, the birth date according to the Malay Ilum calendar is taken as the birthday date.

The phrase 'in care like' is unclear and likely a mistake. Removing it clarifies the sentence. Also, 'is taken' is present tense, which is appropriate here as it refers to a general fact.

× And at that time I used to go to a temple for praying the gold for giving us a sense a wonderful live till then and after that nowadays is no my mum.

✓ And at that time, I used to go to a temple to pray for gold to give us a sense of a wonderful life until then, but nowadays it is not my mum.

The original sentence has multiple issues including incorrect verb forms and unclear phrasing. 'Used to go' is correct for past habitual action. 'For praying the gold' should be 'to pray for gold'. 'A wonderful live' should be 'a wonderful life'. The phrase 'nowadays is no my mum' is unclear and corrected to 'nowadays it is not my mum' for clarity.

× Mum make make me making me remember them.

✓ Mum makes me remember them.

The original sentence has repeated words and incorrect verb forms. 'Make make me making me' is incorrect. The correct form is 'makes me remember them' with subject-verb agreement and correct verb form.

× It's not unimportant things to celebrate over, but a Grantley and some kind of peoples may like it.

✓ It's not an important thing to celebrate, but generally some people may like it.

'Unimportant things' is double negative and awkward. 'A Grantley' is unclear and likely a mishearing of 'generally'. 'Some kind of peoples' is incorrect; 'people' is plural and does not take 'kind of' in this context. Correct quantifiers and expressions improve clarity.

× But I like to celebrate the birth date of my husband out there.

✓ But I like to celebrate my husband's birthday.

The phrase 'birth date of my husband out there' is awkward. Using the possessive form 'my husband's birthday' is more natural and grammatically correct.

× But I'm not like to spend too much of money for my own.

✓ But I don't like to spend too much money on myself.

'I'm not like to spend' is incorrect; the correct form is 'I don't like to spend'. 'Too much of money' should be 'too much money'. 'For my own' is better expressed as 'on myself'.

× But I'm not considering this as the important.

✓ But I don't consider this important.

'I'm not considering this as the important' is awkward. The correct form is 'I don't consider this important' without 'as the'.

× Is that one of the important data?

✓ Is that one of the important dates?

'Data' is plural and does not fit here. The intended word is likely 'dates' referring to birthdays. Using the correct noun improves clarity.

× All I don't know about that, I sorry, I am not much familiar with their culture or tradition.

✓ Actually, I don't know about that. Sorry, I am not very familiar with their culture or tradition.

'All I don't know about that' is incorrect. 'Actually' fits better. 'I sorry' should be 'Sorry'. 'Not much familiar' should be 'not very familiar'.

× And who is the best, important, most prominent member in China whose per day has to be celebrated.

✓ And who is the best, most important, most prominent member in China whose birthday has to be celebrated?

The sentence is fragmented and unclear. Adding 'birthday' clarifies the meaning. Also, 'important' should be placed before 'member' and 'per day' is incorrect; 'birthday' is the correct term.

× I I want to be or do some research on that.

✓ I want to do some research on that.

The phrase 'I I want to be or do some research' is incorrect and redundant. The correct sentence is 'I want to do some research on that.'