Internet— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and grammatically correct. Start with a clear topic sentence (e.g., "I started using the internet during the COVID-19 pandemic"), then add one or two specific supporting details with linking words. Avoid filler phrases like "you know" and correct verb forms (e.g., "my first time using a laptop" → "I first used a laptop").

例: I started using the internet during the COVID-19 pandemic. At that time I began using a laptop to chat with friends, play online games and attend classes. Although it was difficult at first, I quickly adapted and now use the internet every day.

提案: Give a direct estimate and explain briefly with clear linking words. Replace unclear expressions (e.g., "digital error") with precise phrases (e.g., "it's common to be online more than offline"). Use correct tense and structure when giving hours (e.g., "about 10 hours a day").

例: I go online almost every day — roughly ten hours a day on average. This is because I use my phone for studying, social media and entertainment, so I often check it throughout the day.

提案: Answer directly and clearly. Start with a topic sentence confirming the memory, then give specific details about why the internet was not allowed and what you did instead. Avoid fragments and unclear descriptions. Use correct grammar ("my friends and I" not "me and my friends").

例: Yes. Last summer at a summer camp in Gaobang in northern Vietnam we had to avoid using the internet. The camp organizers banned phones during daytime, so we took part in outdoor activities like hiking, team challenges and crossing a river instead.

提案: Give a clear opinion and justify it with brief, specific reasons. Use linking words (e.g., "because", "however") and avoid repetition. Improve grammar: "I can control my internet use" and "I go online for urgent messages or entertainment."

例: I don't think I spend too much time online because I can control my usage. I usually go online to answer urgent messages or to relax with videos and games, and I set limits so it does not interfere with my studies.

提案: Start with a clear opening sentence and list two or three specific activities using linking words (e.g., "for example", "also"). Fix grammar and collocations ("play soccer", "chat with friends", "go on a picnic"). Keep it within 3–4 sentences.

例: Without the internet I would spend more time outdoors and with people. For example, I would play soccer with friends, chat face-to-face at a coffee shop, and read books. I would also go on family picnics on weekends.

× Well, you know, when the COVID-19 appeared in my country, that's when my first time using laptop to chat with my friends, playing online video games and also learning to study online too.

✓ Well, you know, when COVID-19 appeared in my country, that was the first time I used a laptop to chat with my friends, play online video games and learn online.

This sentence misuses 'that's when my first time' and lacks appropriate 'there be' structure and past-tense form. Use 'that was the first time' to state a past event. Also change verb forms to simple past ('used', 'play'->parallel infinitive/ base after 'to': 'to play', 'to learn' or use simple past list). Add article 'a' before 'laptop'.

× And at first it's really hard to use, but you know, I'm very quickly adapted to use Internet.

✓ At first it was really hard to use, but I quickly adapted to using the Internet.

Tense inconsistency: the context is past, so 'it's' should be 'it was'. 'Adapted' requires a preposition + gerund: 'adapted to using'. Also add the definite article 'the' before 'Internet'.

× Well, you know, I can't count this 'cause nowadays is a digital error when people you know online more than in real life.

✓ Well, I can't count it because nowadays it is a digital era when people are online more than in real life.

Wrong tense and word choice: 'is a digital error' should be 'it is a digital era'. Include subject 'it' for 'is', and use 'are online' for present continuous/general present. Replace 'this' with 'it' as the object of 'count'.

× So I remember at one time I'm checking the phone screen timeline, maybe it's out of 10 hours.

✓ So I remember one time I was checking my phone screen timeline and it was maybe about 10 hours.

Mixing present progressive with past memory: use past continuous 'I was checking' and past 'it was about 10 hours'. Use 'my phone' not 'the phone', and 'about' instead of 'out of'.

× Well, you know that was last summer when me and my friends joined in the summer camp in Gaobang where it's located in the north of Vietnam.

✓ Well, that was last summer when my friends and I joined a summer camp in Gaobang, which is located in the north of Vietnam.

'Me and my friends' is incorrect subject order and pronoun case; use 'my friends and I'. 'Joined in the summer camp' should be 'joined a summer camp'. Use 'which' for the relative clause and include commas. Use correct placement of 'located'.

× First it's kinda hot for all people join in, but after a lot of activities like creating a pose to passing the river is.

✓ At first it was kind of hot for everyone who joined, but after many activities, like posing and crossing the river, it became better.

Ungrammatical fragments and wrong quantifier: 'all people join in' should be 'everyone who joined'. 'A lot of activities' is fine but follow with correct verb forms: 'posing and crossing the river'. Remove the stray 'is' and restructure the sentence for clarity.

× Well, I think that I can control the Internet timeline myself.

✓ Well, I think that I can control my internet time myself.

Awkward phrase 'Internet timeline' should be 'internet time' meaning time spent online. 'Internet' need not be capitalized. Keep present tense 'can control'.

× So I'm just online when I'm new to answer some urgent messages like, you know, spend my free time for, you know, be entertainment.

✓ So I'm only online when I need to answer some urgent messages or to spend my free time for entertainment.

Incorrect 'new' should be 'need'. Use parallel infinitives: 'to answer' and 'to spend'. Remove redundant 'you know' and fix 'be entertainment' to 'for entertainment'.

× Well, you know from my list, I'm going play to soccer with my friends, chatting to chat with our friends offline, going to a coffee shop and just lie down and grab the book and read it.

✓ Well, from my list, I'm going to play soccer with my friends, chat with our friends offline, go to a coffee shop, and just lie down with a book and read it.

Verb forms: use 'going to play' (or 'I'm going to play'), and use base forms for parallel actions: 'play', 'chat', 'go', 'lie down'. Remove extra 'to' and duplicate 'chat'. Use 'a book' rather than 'the book'.

× Moreover, I used to spend more time with my families on weekends like going picnic vacation.

✓ Moreover, I used to spend more time with my family on weekends, like going on picnic trips or vacations.

'Families' is incorrect; use 'family' for a single household. Add preposition 'on' for 'going on picnic trips' and pluralize or clarify 'trips'/'vacations' for natural phrasing.