Internet— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Câu trả lời của bạn hơi dài dòng và có một số lỗi ngữ pháp, ví dụ như "when it was in the Co COVID-19 pandemic" không rõ nghĩa và gây khó hiểu. Bạn nên trả lời trực tiếp, rõ ràng và tránh dùng từ không cần thiết như "you know". Ngoài ra, câu trả lời nên có cấu trúc rõ ràng với câu chủ đề và chi tiết hỗ trợ cụ thể.

例: I started using the internet when I was in Grade 7 during the COVID-19 pandemic. My mother gave me a phone, which made it easier for me to study online.

提案: Câu trả lời của bạn thiếu sự mạch lạc và có nhiều từ ngữ thừa, lặp lại như "uh", "umm" gây mất tự nhiên. Bạn nên sử dụng các liên từ để câu trả lời trôi chảy hơn và tránh lặp từ. Ngoài ra, câu trả lời nên rõ ràng hơn về tần suất và mục đích sử dụng internet.

例: I usually go online in the evening after finishing my homework and class tasks. I spend a lot of time on social media for entertainment.

提案: Câu trả lời của bạn thiếu sự rõ ràng và có lỗi ngữ pháp, ví dụ như "I almost get so I'm a guest addition" không đúng. Bạn nên trả lời trực tiếp về việc bị cấm sử dụng internet, giải thích lý do và cảm xúc của bạn. Đồng thời, tránh dùng các từ không chính xác và nên dùng liên từ để câu mạch lạc hơn.

例: When I was 15, I became addicted to a popular game on the internet. Because of that, my mother restricted my internet use for a while to help me focus on my studies.

提案: Câu trả lời của bạn có ý chính nhưng cách diễn đạt chưa tự nhiên và có lỗi ngữ pháp như "too much time to online on that platform and did it". Bạn nên sử dụng câu đơn giản, rõ ràng và tránh lỗi ngữ pháp. Đồng thời, nên dùng liên từ để câu trả lời mạch lạc hơn.

例: No, I don't spend too much time online because I have many daily tasks at school. Therefore, I have limited time to use social media.

提案: Câu trả lời của bạn có ý tốt nhưng có lỗi lặp từ như "we can we can" và câu kết không hoàn chỉnh. Bạn nên tránh lặp từ và kết thúc câu một cách rõ ràng. Ngoài ra, nên dùng liên từ để câu trả lời mạch lạc và tự nhiên hơn.

例: If I didn't have access to the internet, I would spend more time doing fun activities with my friends, such as playing badminton and basketball to improve our stamina.

× I started using the Internet when I was in Grade 7 when it was in the Co COVID-19 pandemic and my mother gave me a phone to, you know, it was very convenient for my learning.

✓ I started using the Internet when I was in Grade 7 during the COVID-19 pandemic, and my mother gave me a phone because it was very convenient for my learning.

The phrase 'when it was in the Co COVID-19 pandemic' is awkward and incorrect. The correct preposition is 'during' to indicate the time period of the pandemic. Also, 'to, you know,' is unnecessary and disrupts the sentence flow. The sentence is corrected to improve clarity and grammatical accuracy.

× I easily go online in the evening or is the time where is the time when I uh, finish my homework and also, uh, complete uh, all my tasks on the class umm, uh, therefore I uh, spend time a lot of the social media to afford entertaining and also.

✓ I usually go online in the evening, which is the time when I finish my homework and complete all my tasks in class. Therefore, I spend a lot of time on social media for entertainment.

The original sentence has awkward phrasing and incorrect word order. 'Easily go online' is incorrect; 'usually go online' is more appropriate. 'Is the time where is the time when' is redundant and confusing. 'Spend time a lot of the social media to afford entertaining' is incorrect; the correct phrase is 'spend a lot of time on social media for entertainment.' The sentence is restructured for clarity and grammatical correctness.

× If my memory serves me right, when I was 15 years old I easily surfed the Internet and also came across a larger popular game in that time. Then I loaded them on my phone so I almost get so I'm a guest addition with those game and my mom.

✓ If my memory serves me right, when I was 15 years old, I often surfed the Internet and came across a very popular game at that time. Then I downloaded it on my phone, and I almost became addicted to that game, which concerned my mom.

'Easily surfed' is incorrect; 'often surfed' or 'frequently surfed' is appropriate. 'Larger popular game' is incorrect; 'very popular game' is correct. 'Loaded them' should be 'downloaded it' since 'game' is singular. 'I almost get so I'm a guest addition' is incorrect and unclear; it should be 'I almost became addicted.' The sentence is corrected for verb tense, word choice, and clarity.

× No, I think that the time that I allocate for social media is somewhat balanced and the reason is in my high school I usually have to do so many daily talks. So I don't have too much time to online on that platform and did it.

✓ No, I think that the time I allocate for social media is somewhat balanced because in high school I usually have many daily tasks. So, I don't have too much time to be online on that platform.

'Do so many daily talks' is incorrect; it should be 'have many daily tasks.' 'Too much time to online' is incorrect; the correct phrase is 'too much time to be online.' 'And did it' is unnecessary and unclear. The sentence is corrected for verb usage and clarity.

× I think that without the access to the Internet, I would do so many funny activities with my friends like we can we can play badminton and also basketball to strengthen our stamina and also.

✓ I think that without access to the Internet, I would do many fun activities with my friends, like playing badminton and basketball to strengthen our stamina.

'So many funny activities' is awkward; 'many fun activities' is better. 'We can we can play' is repetitive and incorrect; it should be 'like playing.' The modal verb 'would' is correctly used here to express hypothetical situations. The sentence is corrected for redundancy and word choice.