Internet— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Please improve your grammar and clarity. For example, use 'I started using the internet at an early age, maybe when I was seven years old.' Also, avoid redundancy and unclear phrases like 'tonight' which seems misplaced here.

例: I started using the internet at an early age, around seven years old, when my parents bought the first computer in our home, which was also the first in our neighborhood.

提案: Focus on sentence structure and coherence. Use linking words to connect ideas smoothly. For example, say 'Nowadays, I go online almost every day to look for news from around the world because the internet is becoming increasingly important.'

例: Nowadays, I go online almost every day to find out about new events happening around the world because the internet is becoming more and more important in our daily lives.

提案: Improve grammar and clarity. Use past tense consistently and avoid repetition. For example, 'When I was in primary school, I was addicted to computer games, so my mother didn't allow me to use the internet. Sometimes, I secretly went to internet cafes.'

例: When I was in primary school, I was addicted to computer games, so my mother didn't allow me to use the internet. However, sometimes I secretly went to internet cafes to play games.

提案: Work on sentence fluency and vocabulary. For example, say 'Yes, I think I spend too much time online. Honestly, it's not a healthy habit, but I find it hard to control myself. I need to be more self-disciplined about using the computer.'

例: Yes, I think I spend too much time online. Honestly, it's not a healthy habit, but I find it hard to control myself. I need to be more self-disciplined about using the computer.

提案: Improve sentence structure and use linking words for coherence. For example, 'Without the internet, I would do many activities such as dancing, skiing, swimming, or going out with close friends to have coffee. If the weather is bad, I would stay at home and read a book.'

例: Without the internet, I would do many activities such as dancing, skiing, swimming, or going out with close friends to have coffee. If the weather is bad, I would stay at home and read a book.

× I started to using tonight at an early stage, maybe when I was seven years old.

✓ I started using the internet at an early stage, maybe when I was seven years old.

The verb 'start' is followed by the gerund form without 'to'. The phrase 'to using' is incorrect; it should be 'using'. Also, 'tonight' is inappropriate here and should be removed for clarity.

× My parents bought the first computer of our home, and it's also the first computer in our neighborhood.

✓ My parents bought the first computer in our home, and it's also the first computer in our neighborhood.

The correct preposition to indicate location is 'in' rather than 'of' when referring to 'our home'.

× OK, so almost to every day I was on, I'm on the Internet looking for some new things that happened in other places around the world I think.

✓ OK, so almost every day I am on the Internet looking for new things that happen in other places around the world, I think.

The phrase 'almost to every day' is incorrect; it should be 'almost every day'. Also, tense consistency is important; present tense 'am' fits better here. The sentence structure is adjusted for clarity.

× I think Internet is becoming more and more important in current days.

✓ I think the Internet is becoming more and more important these days.

'Internet' is a singular noun and usually preceded by the definite article 'the'. 'Current days' is unnatural; 'these days' is the correct expression.

× I was addicted in computer games, so my mother didn't allow me to use it.

✓ I was addicted to computer games, so my mother didn't allow me to use it.

The correct preposition after 'addicted' is 'to', not 'in'.

× Sometimes I, I often secretly go to the went to the computer bars.

✓ Sometimes I often secretly went to the computer bars.

The sentence has redundancy and incorrect verb forms. 'Go to the went to' is incorrect; it should be 'went to'. Also, remove the repeated 'I'.

× Yes, I think so and to be honest I admit that it's not a good habit for living a healthy life, but I just couldn't control myself.

✓ Yes, I think so and to be honest I admit that it's not a good habit for living a healthy life, but I just couldn't control myself.

No grammar problem detected in this sentence according to the provided list.

× I think I should be more self disciplined about the computer using problem.

✓ I think I should be more self-disciplined about the problem of using the computer.

'Self disciplined' should be hyphenated as 'self-disciplined' when used as an adjective. Also, 'computer using problem' is awkward; 'problem of using the computer' is clearer.

× Well, I think I have a lot of things can do without Internet, like dancing, skiing, swimming or just go out with some of your close friends to buy a coffee.

✓ Well, I think I have a lot of things I can do without the Internet, like dancing, skiing, swimming, or just going out with some close friends to buy coffee.

The sentence is missing the subject 'I' before 'can do'. 'Internet' needs the definite article 'the'. 'Go out' should be parallel with other gerunds, so 'going out' is better. 'Some of your close friends' is changed to 'some close friends' for naturalness.

× If the weather is not good I just stay at home, read a book.

✓ If the weather is not good, I just stay at home and read a book.

A comma is needed after the conditional clause. Also, 'and' is needed to connect the two actions for correct sentence structure.