Science— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Speak more clearly and use correct sentence structure. Start with a concise topic sentence, avoid repetition, and provide one clear supporting detail using correct grammar and linking words. Keep it within 2–4 sentences.

例: Yes, I enjoy science because it helps me understand how the world works. For example, learning about gravity and the Earth’s orbit around the Sun showed me why objects fall and why we have seasons.

提案: Give a clear topic sentence, then add one specific supporting detail linked with a connector. Avoid vague phrases like “that other stage” and unnecessary filler words.

例: I started learning science in primary school. At that time the lessons were simple; for example, my teacher demonstrated gravity with a dropping experiment so we could feel its effect even though it is invisible.

提案: Use correct vocabulary and complete sentences. Begin with a direct topic sentence naming the subject, then support it with a specific reason and one short example. Avoid fragments and misused words.

例: Chemistry is the most interesting subject for me because I enjoy seeing how substances react to form new compounds. For example, in middle school I loved a lab where we mixed acids and bases and observed colour changes.

提案: Be specific and finish your example. Start with a clear statement about activities you have done, then describe one concrete experiment or project with a brief result using linking words.

例: I have done several simple experiments at home, such as the classic cup-and-paper experiment. For example, I placed a cup on the table, covered it with paper, then lifted the cup quickly to show air pressure and how the paper moved.

提案: Avoid repetition and be specific about what you learn. Give one clear reason and one concrete example of a programme or topic you enjoyed, using linking words to connect points.

例: Yes, I enjoy science TV programs because they explain complex ideas in an easy way. For example, I often watch CCTV-10, which has documentaries about space and nature that helped me understand topics like animal behaviour.

提案: Make the sentence smoother and remove hesitations. Provide a concise topic sentence, then add a specific reason and a brief example or statistic if possible, using linking words.

例: Yes, many Chinese families visit science museums, especially with young children, because parents want them to learn about science early. For example, weekend attendance at local science centres often increases when there are interactive exhibits for kids.

× Yes, I'm passionate about science cause through science I know a lot of interesting notions like like gravity, and through science I know how the world operates.

✓ Yes, I'm passionate about science because through science I learn a lot of interesting concepts like gravity, and through science I understand how the world operates.

Error: repetition 'like like' and incorrect word choice 'cause' and tense/verb forms. 'Cause' is informal; use 'because'. 'Know' used repeatedly is awkward; use 'learn' and 'understand' to match present habitual meaning. Also 'notions' is less natural than 'concepts'. Improve by choosing precise verbs and removing repeated words.

× For example the earth exhibits around the sun.

✓ For example, the earth revolves around the sun.

Error: wrong verb 'exhibits' for motion. Use 'revolves' to describe orbital motion. Also add comma after 'For example'. This corrects meaning and verb choice.

× I started to learn about science when I was in primary school.

✓ I started learning about science when I was in primary school.

Error: 'started to learn' is not wrong but 'started learning' is more natural in context. Both are possible; prefer gerund after 'start' for continuous activity. No tense change required.

× That other stage, the science was very simple.

✓ At that stage, the science we learned was very simple.

Error: incorrect phrase 'That other stage' and awkward clause order. Use 'At that stage' and clarify subject 'the science we learned' to form a complete, natural sentence.

× Like for example, the teacher taught me how to feel the gravity even though it was invisible.

✓ For example, the teacher showed me how to detect gravity even though it is invisible.

Error: 'feel the gravity' is understandable but 'detect' or 'measure' is more precise in scientific context. Also tense consistency: use 'is invisible' as a general fact, or 'was' if referring to past lesson; here general fact fits better. Remove redundant 'Like'.

× The most of the fascinating song subject is chemistry for me definitely 'cause I find it amazing to make this chemical compounds and for example, I remember when I did a test in middle school, I was immediately attracted by the.

✓ The most fascinating subject for me is definitely chemistry because I find it amazing to make chemical compounds. For example, I remember when I took a test in middle school, I was immediately fascinated by it.

Multiple errors: 'The most of the fascinating song subject' is garbled—use 'The most fascinating subject'. Remove 'song'. Use 'because' instead of ''cause'. 'Make this chemical compounds' wrong article and word—use 'make chemical compounds'. 'Did a test' is informal; 'took a test' is correct. Sentence ended abruptly—add 'by it'. Split into two sentences for clarity.

× I've done a lot of interesting things with science. For example, when I put a cup on the desk, then put a paper on this cup.

✓ I've done a lot of interesting things with science. For example, I put a cup on the desk and then placed a piece of paper over it.

Error: awkward sequence and article use. Use parallel verbs 'put... placed' and 'a piece of paper' instead of 'a paper' or 'this cup'. 'Over it' clarifies placement. Maintain past simple for the example action.

× Yes, I fancy watching science TV programs because I can learn about science knowledge and knowledge through this program.

✓ Yes, I enjoy watching science TV programs because I can learn scientific facts and knowledge through them.

Error: repetitive 'science knowledge and knowledge'. Replace with 'scientific facts and knowledge'. 'Fancy' is acceptable but 'enjoy' is more neutral. Use plural 'them' to refer to 'programs'.

× For example, CCTV 10 is a channel targeted for adults and children on social programs and in this program there are.

✓ For example, CCTV 10 is a channel aimed at both adults and children that broadcasts science-related programs, and there are many interesting segments.

Error: unfinished sentence and incorrect preposition 'targeted for'. Use 'aimed at' and specify 'science-related programs' to clarify. Complete the sentence by adding what 'there are'.

× Yes, Chinese people often visit science museums, particularly with the, uh, bring bring with their children 'cause they want their children to learn about science at a very early stage.

✓ Yes, Chinese people often visit science museums, particularly bringing their children because they want them to learn about science at an early age.

Error: redundant filler words and incorrect structure 'with the, uh, bring bring with their children'. Use 'bringing their children' as a participle phrase. Replace ''cause' with 'because'. 'At a very early stage' is acceptable but 'at an early age' is more natural.

× And, uh, there are many science museums.

✓ There are many science museums.

Error: filler 'uh' and unnecessary conjunction 'And' at sentence start. Remove filler for clarity and formality.