Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and avoid filler words (uh, you know). Start with a clear topic sentence, then add one or two specific details (e.g., age you got it, where you rode, a memorable moment). Use linking words to connect ideas. Keep to no more than five sentences.

例: Yes — I had a bike as a child; my father gave it to me when I was eight. I rode it every weekend around our neighborhood and to my friend’s house, which helped me become confident and independent. Because of that bike, I learned balance quickly and I still enjoy cycling today.

提案: Give a direct answer then support it with specific reasons or examples. Avoid vague phrases like “professional things” and filler words. Use linking words (for example, therefore, because) and provide one concrete example or a short comparison to strengthen your point.

例: Yes, I think bikes are very popular in my country because many people use them for daily commuting to work and school. For example, in cities bicycles are common during rush hour since they are cheaper and faster than cars in traffic, which explains their widespread use.

× I definitely had a bike when I was a child and it was gifted to me by my father and it was such a great gift to me because I really enjoyed, uh, you know, riding on it.

✓ I definitely had a bike when I was a child; it was gifted to me by my father, and it was such a great present because I really enjoyed riding it.

The original sentence uses 'riding on it', which is not incorrect but 'riding it' is more natural for bicycles; the main issues are sentence run-on and redundancy ('gift' and 'to me' repeated). Break into clauses with punctuation and remove filler words to improve clarity. Also replace 'gift to me by my father' with 'gifted to me by my father' (already present) and 'great gift to me' with 'great present' to avoid repetition and awkward phrasing.

× I definitely think that bikes are quite popular in the country as it helps a lot of people to, you know, commute to their office or school and to their professional things.

✓ I definitely think that bikes are quite popular in the country because they help many people commute to their offices or schools and for other work-related purposes.

Issues: incorrect pronoun reference and preposition use. 'It helps' is singular while 'bikes' is plural (subject-verb agreement) so use 'they help' (related to Grammar Problem Type 27 as well). 'Commute to their office or school' should be pluralized to 'offices or schools' to match 'people'. The phrase 'to their professional things' is incorrect; replace with 'for other work-related purposes'. Also remove filler words and use 'because' for clarity.

× So, uh, according to me, the bikes are quite popular.

✓ So, in my opinion, bikes are quite popular.

'According to me' is non-idiomatic; use 'in my opinion'. Also remove the definite article before 'bikes' unless referring to specific bicycles. This corrects article usage and produces a more natural expression. The original has filler 'uh' which should be omitted in written responses.