Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise, use correct grammar (past tense and articles), reduce hesitations, and give a clear reason with a specific example. Start with a direct topic sentence, then add one or two supporting details using linking words. Avoid filler words like “uh” and “umm.”

例: No, I didn’t have a bike when I was a child. My parents thought it was unsafe for young children, so they preferred I play nearby with safer toys. For example, when I was seven they wouldn’t let me ride on the road, only on a balance bike in our yard.

提案: Answer directly and expand with specific reasons and linking words. Correct word choice and sentence structure (e.g., ‘use bikes for short trips’). Replace hesitations with pauses and give one concrete example or statistic if possible.

例: Yes, bikes are very popular in my country because many people use them for short trips and commuting. For instance, due to high car prices and heavy traffic in cities, many workers choose motorbikes or bicycles to save money and travel faster during rush hour.

× Honestly, I don't have bike when I was child because uh, parents are not allowed to give their bike to their children in the childhood because uh, it may cause umm, accident and harmful for the babies.

✓ Honestly, I didn't have a bike when I was a child because my parents did not allow me to have a bike during childhood, because it might cause an accident and be harmful for children.

Multiple article and related tense/pronoun problems: 'have bike' needs an indefinite article 'a bike' (Article errors). 'when I was child' requires 'a child' or 'a kid' (Article errors). The sentence mixes present and past tense: 'I don't have' should be past 'I didn't have' to match 'when I was a child' (Past tense issue, ID 5). 'parents are not allowed to give their bike to their children in the childhood' is awkward and ungrammatical; it should specify 'my parents did not allow me to have a bike during childhood' (pronoun clarity and article). 'it may cause umm, accident and harmful for the babies' needs an article 'an accident' and parallel structure: 'might cause an accident and be harmful to children' (Article errors and Incorrect use of adjectives or adverbs). Suggestion: keep consistent past tense, use correct articles 'a/an/the' where needed, use clear pronouns (my parents/my children), and use parallel verb forms after 'and' (cause ... and be ...).

× Yes. I think bikes are popular in my country because uh a lot of people use this the bike while traveling because uh the car uh the car price is too much uh in our country uh and uh uh.

✓ Yes. I think bikes are popular in my country because a lot of people use bikes while traveling since cars are very expensive in our country.

Tense and article issues: 'use this the bike' is incorrect; use plural 'bikes' to match 'a lot of people' (Singular and plural issue, ID 1). 'the car the car price is too much' is ungrammatical; express as 'cars are very expensive' or 'the price of cars is too high' (Article errors and Incorrect use of adjectives or adverbs). Also use 'since' or 'because' once for clarity. Suggestion: use plural nouns when referring to many people ('use bikes'), avoid redundant articles, and choose proper adjective collocations ('very expensive' or 'too high').