Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and coherent: start with a clear topic sentence, then add one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Avoid fillers (“umm”) and unfinished sentences. Also correct tense consistency (use past tense) and finish your final thought.

例: I did. My grandfather bought me a small bicycle with training wheels when I was about six. At first I was unsteady and afraid, but after a couple of weeks I practiced every day and felt confident enough to ride once the training wheels were removed.

提案: Improve specificity and cohesion: open with a clear opinion, then give two concrete reasons or examples linked with connectors (for example, “because” or “also”). Use precise vocabulary (e.g., “rural areas,” “pedicab” or “jeepney sidecar”) and correct grammar (subject-verb agreement).

例: Yes, I think bicycles are very popular in the Philippines, especially in rural areas. They are a cheap and convenient way to travel short distances, and many families also modify them into pedicabs or add sidecars so they can carry passengers and goods.

× When I was younger, my grandfather bought me a bike. It has four wheels, which means I'm on training wheels.

✓ When I was younger, my grandfather bought me a bike. It had four wheels, which meant I was on training wheels.

The surrounding context is in the past (When I was younger, my grandfather bought). The verbs 'has' and 'means' are in present tense and should be in past tense to match the narrative. Use 'had' and 'meant' for consistency. Also change 'I'm' to 'I was' to keep past-time reference. Suggestion: Keep verbs that describe past situations in past tense (had, meant, was) to maintain tense consistency.

× However, the first few weeks I really didn't know how to ride the bike.

✓ However, during the first few weeks I really didn't know how to ride the bike.

The original sentence mostly uses correct past tense ('didn't know'), but it omits a preposition that improves natural phrasing. Adding 'during' clarifies the time period. This is primarily a past-tense narrative, so ensure time references fit the past. Suggestion: Use 'during the first few weeks' for clearer temporal expression in past narratives.

× But then when the training wheels come off, umm, that's when I started to learn how to ride it.

✓ But then when the training wheels came off, that was when I started to learn how to ride it.

The clause 'when the training wheels come off' uses present tense 'come' within a past narrative; it should be past: 'came off'. Also 'that's when' is present; change to 'that was when' to match past. This is an issue of verb form consistency (past participle/past simple). Suggestion: Match verb tenses across clauses in a past story: use 'came off' and 'that was when'.

× Umm, the first few days it was very.

✓ During the first few days, it was very difficult.

The original sentence is incomplete and lacks a predicate adjective or object after 'very', causing a sentence structure error. Complete the idea by specifying how it was (for example, 'very difficult', 'very scary', or 'very challenging'). Suggestion: Always complete comparative or intensifying words like 'very' with an adjective or adverb to form a complete sentence.

× Based on my experience, bicycles are popular here in the Philippines most especially in the province.

✓ Based on my experience, bicycles are popular here in the Philippines, especially in the provinces.

The sentence uses present tense appropriately to describe a general truth. The problems are word choice and plurality: 'most especially' is redundant and awkward; 'province' should be plural 'provinces' if referring generally. Adjust phrasing to 'especially in the provinces'. Suggestion: Use 'especially' instead of 'most especially' and use plural nouns when making general statements about regions ('provinces').

× It is used as a form of transportation and also it was improvised and some called it a sidecar in which many people can ride in it.

✓ It is used as a form of transportation, and people often improvise a sidecar so many people can ride in it.

This long sentence mixes tenses and has article and phrasing issues. 'It is used' (present) is fine for general truth, but 'it was improvised' switches to past unnecessarily; keep present: 'people often improvise a sidecar'. Also avoid redundant 'in which' plus 'ride in it'; use 'so many people can ride in it' or 'so many people can ride'. The phrase 'some called it a sidecar' is awkward; 'people often improvise a sidecar' is clearer. Suggestion: Keep general statements in present tense and simplify the clause structure: 'people often improvise a sidecar so many people can ride in it'.