Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be direct, use correct tense, reduce hesitations and add a brief specific detail. Start with a clear topic sentence using the past simple, then give one or two supporting details using linking words (for example, 'because' or 'so'). Keep it under five sentences.

例: No, I didn't have a bike when I was a child. I wanted one because my friends in the neighborhood all had bikes and I enjoyed watching them ride. As a result, I often borrowed my cousin's bike on weekends to practice.

提案: Give a clear opinion first, then support it with specific reasons and a linking word. Use correct grammar (present simple for general statements) and avoid repeating words. Mention one or two concrete reasons (e.g., government initiatives, health, environmental benefits).

例: Yes, bikes are increasingly popular in my country now. The government has built more bike lanes and runs campaigns encouraging cycling, so more people ride for exercise and to reduce traffic and pollution.

× Actually, when I, when I was a child, I don't have, I didn't have any bike to ride because I really dream.

✓ Actually, when I was a child, I didn't have any bike to ride because I really dreamed of having one.

The sentence mixes present ('I don't have') and past ('I was a child') tenses; use past tense for childhood. 'Dream' should be past 'dreamed' and take the preposition 'of' with a gerund or noun phrase: 'dreamed of having one.' Also remove repeated fillers and extra commas for clarity.

× I had a dream to have a bike because my, uh, neighbors, neighborhood neighbors, uh, my friends, she.

✓ I had a dream to have a bike because my neighbors and my friend had one.

Original contains unclear and incorrect pronoun use ('she') and redundant nouns ('neighbors, neighborhood neighbors'). Clarify subject and use correct noun phrase coordination: 'my neighbors and my friend.' Also use simple past context consistent with 'I had a dream.'

× Actually, before never like this, but nowadays it's mostly popular because in our government are providing us to when people are riding bikes, it gives us a healthy life and it gives us healthy.

✓ Actually, it wasn't like this before, but nowadays bikes are mostly popular because our government is encouraging people to ride them; riding bikes gives us a healthier life and improves our health.

Multiple tense and structure issues: 'before never like this' is ungrammatical — use 'it wasn't like this before.' Subject-verb order was incorrect ('in our government are providing us') — use 'our government is encouraging' or 'providing incentives.' The clause 'to when people are riding bikes' is ungrammatical; rephrase to 'encouraging people to ride them.' 'It gives us healthy' is missing a noun or comparative; use 'gives us a healthier life' or 'improves our health.' Ensure consistent present tense for current situation.