Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more grammatically complete, concise and coherent. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give two specific supporting details using linking words. Avoid fillers (umm, uh) and fragmented sentences. For example, correct the grammar (e.g., “My father, who was a seaman, bought it for me”), explain why a three-wheeled bike was chosen, and finish with a brief result or feeling.

例: Yes — I had a bike when I was a child. My father, who was a seaman, bought me a three-wheeled bike with a sidecar when I was five because I was still learning to balance. As a result, I felt confident practicing and soon moved on to a two-wheeled bike.

提案: Give a direct topic sentence, then support it with two specific comparisons and reasons using linking words. Remove hesitations and complete unfinished thoughts. Provide concrete examples (e.g., commuting, delivery workers, students) and conclude with a short summary sentence.

例: Yes, bikes are fairly popular in my country, but less so than in Japan or Korea. For example, people in those countries often use bikes for commuting to work or school, whereas here most people prefer motorcycles or cars due to longer distances. However, bikes remain common for children and short trips in towns, so they still play an important role.

× My father who was a seaman.

✓ My father was a seaman.

Sentence fragment missing a main verb or complete clause. The original includes an unnecessary relative clause marker 'who' without a following clause. Remove 'who' to form a complete past-tense statement: 'My father was a seaman.' This matches the past-tense context ('I had', 'when I was').

× I bought it to me and instead of a single bike because I was just learning how to ride a bike, they bought a three wheeled umm bike, which eventually was uh, umm.

✓ They bought it for me instead of a single bike because I was just learning how to ride; they bought a three-wheeled bike for me.

Pronoun and preposition errors: 'bought it to me' is incorrect; English uses 'buy something for someone.' Also sentence structure is confused with mixed subjects ('I bought' then 'they bought'). Rephrase to keep correct subject 'they' and use 'for me.' Remove filler words and redundant clauses; use hyphen in 'three-wheeled.' Ensure tense remains past.

× Umm, it is. It is popular in our country, but I may say not as much as with Japan and Korea where they use it as a mode of transportation.

✓ Umm, it is. Bikes are popular in our country, but I would say not as much as in Japan and Korea, where people use them as a mode of transportation.

Agreement and reference: 'it is' is vague for 'bikes' (plural). Use 'bikes are' to match plural noun. Preposition 'with Japan and Korea' is incorrect; use 'in Japan and Korea.' Also 'they use it' should match plural noun 'people' and plural pronoun 'them' or 'people use them.' Use 'would say' for natural hedging.

× Also going to school and uh, to their, to their jobs in their country.

✓ Also, people use them to go to school and to their jobs in those countries.

Preposition and reference issues: The fragment lacks a main verb and uses unclear reference 'their country' after mentioning Japan and Korea (plural). 'To their, to their jobs' is repetitive. Clarify subject ('people') and use 'in those countries' or 'there' instead of 'their country.' Ensure prepositions 'to school' and 'to their jobs' are used with a verb ('use them to go').

× It is usually one of the beginning, uh, toys or uh.

✓ Bikes are often one of the first toys children use.

Awkward phrasing and unclear structure: 'one of the beginning toys' is not idiomatic. Use 'one of the first toys' to express the idea. Remove hesitation fillers and ensure subject-verb agreement with plural 'bikes' if referring to bikes generally, or rephrase to 'a bike is often one of the first toys' depending on focus.