Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and natural. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Avoid filler sounds (uh, umm) and grammar errors ("failed learning" is incorrect). Use past tense consistently for childhood and a correct phrase for future desire.

例: No, I didn't have a bike when I was a child. I wanted one, but I couldn't learn to ride because I was afraid of falling. However, I still hope to learn to ride a bike now so I can exercise and travel short distances.

提案: Give a direct opinion first, then support it with specific reasons and one example. Use linking words (for example, because, however) and complete your sentences. Avoid vague phrases and unfinished thoughts.

例: I don't think bikes are very popular in my country because the climate is often very hot. For example, people prefer air-conditioned cars or public transport, and children usually only ride bikes in cooler seasons or early mornings when it's not so hot.

× I wanted to, but I failed learning for biking when I was young.

✓ I wanted to, but I failed to learn how to ride a bike when I was young.

The original uses an incorrect verb pattern 'failed learning' and awkward phrase 'for biking'. After verbs like 'fail' the correct structure is 'fail to + base verb'. Also use 'learn how to ride a bike' or 'learn to ride a bike' for natural English. Replace 'biking' with 'ride a bike' to clarify the action.

× Umm, and I want now to learn.

✓ Umm, and I want to learn now.

The adverb 'now' is placed awkwardly between 'want' and 'to'. In English, the normal word order is 'want to [verb] now' or 'now I want to [verb]'. Move 'now' after the verb phrase for natural word order.

× Bikes are not popular in my country, maybe in the and maybe children would like to bike in some weather because our weather is very hot and we can't go outside to do biking because the.

✓ Bikes are not very popular in my country. Maybe children like to ride bikes in some seasons, but our weather is often very hot, so we can't go outside to ride.

The original sentence is fragmented, contains repetitions and incomplete clauses ('in the' and ending 'because the.'). Fix sentence structure by splitting into two sentences, replacing 'bike' as a verb with 'ride bikes', using 'seasons' instead of 'some weather', and making cause-effect clear ('so we can't go outside to ride'). Remove the unfinished fragment and reduce redundancy for clarity.

× maybe children would like to bike in some weather because our weather is very hot and we can't go outside to do biking because the.

✓ maybe children would like to ride bikes in some seasons, but our weather is often very hot and we can't go outside to ride.

Using 'bike' as a verb is informal; 'ride bikes' or 'go biking' are better. 'Do biking' is incorrect — use 'go biking' or 'ride'. Also 'in some weather' is unnatural; use 'in some seasons' or 'when the weather is cooler'. Clean up repetition and the unfinished clause.