Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Cải thiện: Tránh lặp từ và sửa ngữ pháp cơ bản. Cụ thể: (1) Loại bỏ lặp từ (“my my my”) và dùng thì quá khứ đúng (gave, not give). (2) Bắt đầu bằng câu chủ đề rõ ràng, ví dụ “Yes, I did.” rồi tiếp bằng chi tiết hỗ trợ 1–2 câu. (3) Dùng đại từ và cấu trúc chính xác (“It was a gift that marked…”) và tránh câu quá hoa mỹ không tự nhiên. (4) Giữ câu trả lời ngắn gọn (tối đa 4-5 câu).

例: Yes, I did. My parents gave me a bike when I graduated from kindergarten. It was a simple red bike with training wheels, and I remember feeling very proud to ride it around the neighborhood. That little bike was my first taste of independence.

提案: Cải thiện: Làm rõ ý chính, sửa ngữ pháp và dùng từ chính xác. Cụ thể: (1) Nói rõ quan điểm ngay đầu (Yes/No) và giải thích bằng các lý do cụ thể. (2) Sử dụng từ đúng (“electric scooters/bikes”, not “electric parts”), sửa cấu trúc câu để mạch lạc. (3) Thêm ví dụ hoặc so sánh ngắn gọn để cụ thể hoá lập luận. (4) Giữ độ dài hợp lý và dùng liên từ để liên kết ý (for example, because, so).

例: I don't think traditional bicycles are very popular anymore. In my area, many people, especially schoolchildren, prefer electric bikes because they are faster and require less effort. For example, students can get home quickly after school without getting tired, so electric bikes are very convenient for daily use.

× My my my parents give me on my occasion of my kindergarten graduation.

✓ My parents gave me a bike on the occasion of my kindergarten graduation.

The student repeats 'my' unnecessarily and uses present tense 'give' though the event was in the past; also missing the object 'a bike'. Use 'gave' for past events and include the noun. Suggestion: remove duplicate words, use simple past tense for past events, and add the object.

× His is the gift that marks my first step into adulthood.

✓ This is the gift that marked my first step into adulthood.

The pronoun 'His' is incorrect; it should be 'This' to refer to the gift. Also tense should be past ('marked') because the graduation happened in the past. Suggestion: use appropriate demonstrative pronoun and match verb tense to the time of the event.

× No, I don't think so, because in the place where I live, electric bicycles are increasingly developing, especially among primary and middle school students due to their convenience and actuality.

✓ No, I don't think so, because where I live electric bicycles are becoming increasingly popular, especially among primary and middle school students due to their convenience and availability.

The phrase 'are increasingly developing' is awkward; use 'are becoming increasingly popular'. 'Actuality' is incorrect in this context; 'availability' or 'convenience' fits better. Suggestion: use natural collocations like 'become popular' and choose correct nouns for meaning.

× After tiring classes, electric parts have a return home without much effort.

✓ After tiring classes, students can return home on electric bikes without much effort.

The original sentence misorders phrases and uses 'electric parts' and 'have a return home' which are ungrammatical. It needs a clear subject ('students') and correct object ('electric bikes') and verb phrase ('can return home'). Suggestion: identify the intended subject and use a modal verb for ability or possibility.

× This is very useful on holidays and can save.

✓ This is very useful on holidays and can save time and energy.

The verb 'can save' is incomplete without an object. Add specific objects like 'time and energy' to complete the meaning. Suggestion: always provide what is being saved or specify the benefit when using 'save'.