Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be concise and correct grammar: start with a clear topic sentence, then add one or two specific details using correct word order and articles. Avoid repetition and filler words. Use linking words like “and” or “which” to connect ideas. Also correct vocabulary: say “training wheels” or “stabilizers” instead of “four tires out” and remove duplicated words.

例: Yes. My mother bought me a small bicycle when I was a child, and it had two training wheels attached to the back, which made it look quite funny. I practiced riding it in the park until I could balance on two wheels.

提案: Begin with a direct opinion sentence, then give two concise, specific reasons linked logically. Avoid vague phrases like “maybe” and repetitive words. Use linking words such as “because” and “for example” to make your argument coherent, and use appropriate vocabulary like “alternative” and “commute”.

例: Yes, I think bicycles are quite popular because they are an inexpensive and healthy alternative to cars. For example, many people cycle to work or for leisure on weekends, and cities are adding bike lanes to encourage commuting by bike.

× Back then when I was still a a child, my mother bought me a a bicycle which had a four tires out with two 2 mini sized tires was attached to the back of the bicycle and it was quite funny to be honest.

✓ Back then, when I was still a child, my mother bought me a bicycle which had four tires; two small training wheels were attached to the back of the bicycle, and it was quite funny, to be honest.

Errors: duplicate articles ('a a'), incorrect article usage before plural noun ('a four tires'), wrong word order and form ('two 2 mini sized tires was attached'), and punctuation run-on sentence. Suggestions: remove the duplicate 'a', use no article before a plural noun ('four tires'), express training wheels as 'training wheels' or 'two small training wheels', ensure subject-verb agreement ('two small training wheels were attached'), and break the long run-on into clearer clauses with commas or semicolons. Use 'small' instead of 'mini sized' and spell numbers consistently.

× Indeed is a great choice for the alternative options.

✓ Indeed, it is a great choice as an alternative option.

Error: missing subject and unnatural phrasing. Suggestions: add the pronoun 'it' as the subject, and use 'as an alternative option' or simply 'as an alternative'. Include a comma after 'Indeed' for natural flow.

× Instead of using private vehicles like motorcycles or cars, maybe people can be a bit sporty so that they can go cycling when they have leisure time and maybe they can choose bikes to move.

✓ Instead of using private vehicles like motorcycles or cars, people could be a bit more sporty and go cycling in their leisure time, and they could choose bikes for transport.

Errors: awkward modal use and repetitiveness ('maybe people can', 'maybe they can'), informal phrase 'choose bikes to move'. Suggestions: use 'could' for polite suggestion, use 'a bit more sporty' for natural wording, replace 'go cycling when they have leisure time' with 'go cycling in their leisure time', and change 'choose bikes to move' to 'choose bikes for transport' for clarity and correctness.