Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise, correct grammar, and give a clear topic sentence followed by one or two specific supporting details. Use correct verb forms and link ideas with simple connectors (because, so). Avoid irrelevant information and limit to 3–4 sentences. For example, start with a direct answer (“No, I didn’t”) then explain why and finish with one consequence.

例: No, I didn’t have a bike when I was a child because I wasn’t good at balancing and I preferred playing musical instruments. My parents thought riding would be dangerous, so they decided not to buy one for me. As a result, I rarely practiced cycling until I was older.

提案: Give a direct answer, correct vocabulary (use “bikes” or “bicycles” not “bags”), and organize your points with linking words (for example, especially, because). Include one or two specific examples or reasons. Keep sentences clear and grammatically correct, and avoid repetition.

例: Yes, bikes are very popular in my country, especially electric bikes because they are convenient and affordable. For example, in large cities you can often see hundreds of electric bikes parked near subway stations, since many people use them for short commutes.

× No, actually when I was a child, I'm not so good at sports.

✓ No, actually when I was a child, I wasn't very good at sports.

Tense inconsistency: the sentence starts with 'when I was a child' (past) but uses present tense 'I'm'. Use past tense 'wasn't' to match the time frame. Also 'not so good' sounds informal; 'not very good' is clearer. Suggestion: keep past time markers and use past tense verbs (e.g., 'I wasn't very good at sports').

× I'm better at the instrument.

✓ I was better at playing musical instruments.

The original uses 'the instrument' incorrectly and mixes present tense with past context. Use 'playing musical instruments' to indicate skill and match past tense 'was'. Suggestion: specify the activity with 'playing' and use plural or a specific instrument if known.

× So I had tried to ride the bicycle, but I always cannot keep the balance.

✓ So I tried to ride a bicycle, but I could never keep my balance.

Unnecessary past perfect 'had tried' is not needed when simple past 'tried' suffices. 'Always cannot' is ungrammatical in past context; use 'could never' or 'couldn't' to indicate inability in the past. Also 'the bicycle' should be 'a bicycle' for a general reference. Suggestion: use simple past for completed actions and 'could never' for habitual inability.

× My parents think it's a little bit dangerous for me to read it back, so to not buy 1 for me.

✓ My parents thought it was a bit dangerous for me to ride it, so they didn't buy one for me.

Several issues: tense should be past 'thought' to match past narrative; 'read it back' is wrong word choice—should be 'ride it'; 'so to not buy 1 for me' is ungrammatical and uses numeral '1' incorrectly—use 'they didn't buy one for me'. Also pronoun/subject needed for 'they'. Suggestion: use correct verbs ('ride'), past tense, and full words ('one').

× Yeah, bags are really popular in my country, especially for nowadays the electric bags are more and more.

✓ Yeah, bikes are really popular in my country, especially now that electric bikes are becoming more and more common.

'Bags' is a wrong noun; context requires 'bikes'. 'Nowadays the electric bags are more and more' is awkward—use 'now that electric bikes are becoming more and more common'. Suggestion: use correct noun 'bikes' and natural progressive expression 'becoming more common'. Use present continuous for trends.

× If you travel to China, you will see in the street there are like hundreds of the electric bag, especially in some big city on, you know that big city is so popularity.

✓ If you travel to China, you will see hundreds of electric bikes on the streets, especially in big cities, which are very populous.

Multiple errors: word order 'see in the street there are like hundreds' should be 'see hundreds on the streets'; 'the electric bag' wrong noun and article—should be 'electric bikes'; 'some big city on' is ungrammatical; 'big city is so popularity' should be 'big cities are very populous' or 'very popular'. Suggestion: reorder sentence for clarity, use plural nouns for general statements, and replace incorrect words ('bag' -> 'bike', 'popularity' -> 'popular' or 'populous').

× So both of the cars and the electric bike are really more as.

✓ So both cars and electric bikes are now much more common.

Phrase 'both of the cars and the electric bike' is awkward—use 'both cars and electric bikes'. 'Are really more as' is ungrammatical; use 'are now much more common' to express comparative increase. Suggestion: simplify the noun phrase and use 'more common' to indicate increased prevalence.