Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and organize your response: start with a clear topic sentence, give one or two specific supporting details (age and who bought it), and avoid fillers and repetition. Use linking words to connect ideas (for example, "when I was about 12" and "because"). Also correct small grammar points ("to enjoy my childhood" not "child childhood"). Keep it to 2–3 sentences.

例: Yes — I had a bike when I was about 12, while I was in middle school. My father bought it for me so I could ride around the neighborhood, and it was blue and gray.

提案: Avoid repetition and filler words. Begin with a clear opinion sentence, then add one specific supporting detail and a brief reason or example, using a linking word (for example, "because" or "for example"). Make time references precise ("back then" instead of "in that time"). Keep it within 2–3 sentences.

例: Yes, bikes are very popular in my country, especially in my hometown. For example, when I was young almost all my friends and neighbors had bikes, and riding around the neighborhood was our favorite daytime activity.

× I don't remember, I was around 13 and maybe 12.

✓ I don't remember exactly; I was around 12 or 13.

The original mixes numbers order and phrasing awkwardly for past reference. Use past tense 'was' consistently and order numbers naturally. Also include 'exactly' for clarity and a semicolon or conjunction to separate clauses.

× I was studying in middle school, 2nd grade.

✓ I was studying in middle school in the 2nd grade.

When specifying grade, include the preposition 'in' before the grade and use a determiner 'the' for a specific grade level. This keeps the past continuous 'was studying' appropriate for an ongoing past action.

× Uh, my, my father bought this bike, uh, for me to enjoy my child childhood.

✓ Uh, my father bought this bike for me to enjoy my childhood.

Remove the redundant 'my' and the repeated word 'child.' Use the noun 'childhood' without an article here. 'This' is acceptable but 'the' or no determiner is more natural; 'my childhood' is the correct collocation.

× Uh, the color was blue and Gray.

✓ The color was blue and gray.

Color words should be lowercase unless proper nouns. Use consistent capitalization and a single conjunction 'and' to connect two color terms.

× Yes, I think, uh, I think, uh, bikes are pretty much popular in my country, especially in my hometown or in my neighborhood in, in my neighborhood exactly.

✓ Yes, I think bikes are quite popular in my country, especially in my hometown and neighborhood.

Remove repetitive 'I think' and duplicated phrases. Use 'are' for present simple to state general truths. 'Pretty much popular' is unnatural; 'quite popular' is more idiomatic. Avoid repeating 'in my neighborhood' twice and use 'and' to join 'hometown and neighborhood.'

× Uh, all my friends and my neighbors had bikes in that time.

✓ All my friends and neighbors had bikes at that time.

Use the past tense 'had' correctly; change 'in that time' to the correct prepositional phrase 'at that time.' Also omit redundant 'my' before 'neighbors' for conciseness.

× It was uh, our favorite activity during the day.

✓ It was, uh, our favorite activity during the day.

The sentence is correct but needs punctuation for natural pauses. Keep the past tense 'was' to describe a past habit. Suggest keeping filler 'uh' minimal but punctuating it with commas improves clarity.