Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be concise and correct grammar, reduce hesitations and redundancy, and add one specific detail to enrich the answer. Begin with a clear topic sentence, correct verb forms and articles, avoid repeating phrases, and use one linking phrase to explain reason.

例: Yes, I had a bike when I was a child. My father bought me a small bicycle when I was eight because I got very good marks in my exams. I used it every day to ride to my friend’s house and practice cycling in the park, which helped me become confident on busy roads.

提案: Organize the response with a clear topic sentence, remove fillers, and use linking words to make the reasoning logical. Provide a specific example or statistic and finish the sentence. Use vocabulary like "afford," "commute," and "common" accurately.

例: Yes, bicycles are quite popular in my country because many people cannot afford a motorcycle or car. Therefore, people often commute to school or work by bike, especially in towns where traffic is heavy and public transport is expensive.

× Yes, I did have a bike when I was when I was child.

✓ Yes, I did have a bike when I was a child.

The sentence repeats the phrase 'when I was' and omits the article 'a' before 'child'. This is a sentence structure and article error. Remove the repeated phrase and add the indefinite article 'a' to form 'a child'.

× My father bought me a small bike when I was uh, eight years old.

✓ My father bought me a small bike when I was eight years old.

This sentence is grammatically correct in tense, but contains a filler 'uh' which is not needed in written form. Remove filler words for clarity while keeping past tense 'bought'.

× I had a very good marks in my exams, so he bought me a bike as a present for me.

✓ I had very good marks in my exams, so he bought me a bike as a present.

'Marks' is plural so do not use the singular article 'a' before it; use 'very good marks' without 'a'. Also 'as a present for me' is redundant; 'as a present' is sufficient and more natural. The tense 'had' is appropriate for past reference.

× Yes, they are uh, popular in my country and that's uh, because, uh, not everyone can afford uh, to buy a motorcycle or uh, buy a car.

✓ Yes, they are popular in my country because not everyone can afford to buy a motorcycle or a car.

Remove filler 'uh' tokens and simplify the clause order. Add the article 'a' before 'car' for countable singular noun. The conjunction 'and that's because' can be shortened to 'because' for clearer structure.

× So usually people one day want to go to school or, or uh, work they use.

✓ So usually, when people want to go to school or work, they use them (bikes).

The original lacks proper clause connectors and a main verb for 'they use'. Insert 'when' to introduce the time clause, add commas for clarity, and supply the object 'them' (referring to bikes) so the verb 'use' has an object. This fixes sentence structure and pronoun reference.