Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Clarify meaning and correct vocabulary errors, be more concise and direct. Start with a clear topic sentence answering the question, then add one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Avoid irrelevant or contradictory phrases (e.g., “break” should be “bike”, and explain reason succinctly).

例: No, I didn’t have a bike when I was a child. As a result, I never learned to ride, unlike my brother who had one. However, I still hope to learn to ride a bicycle in the future because I think it would be a healthy and convenient way to travel.

提案: Make the response more fluent and specific. Begin with a clear opinion, then support it with a couple of concise, concrete reasons and use linking words (e.g., "because", "however"). Remove fillers like “uh” and avoid repetition. Give a specific example or comparison to strengthen your answer.

例: I don’t think bikes are very popular in my country because most people prefer cars and public transport. For example, you rarely see bicycles parked on busy streets, and cycling infrastructure is limited. However, cycling is becoming more common among young people for exercise and short trips.

× Well, when I was a child I didn't have a break unlike my brother, and that's why nowadays I'm unable to ride a bike.

✓ Well, when I was a child I didn't have a bike unlike my brother, and that's why nowadays I'm unable to ride a bike.

The sentence uses the past tense correctly (didn't have) but contains a word choice error: 'break' is incorrect when referring to the vehicle; the correct noun is 'bike'. Replace 'break' with 'bike' to match intended meaning and maintain correct past-tense usage. Suggestion: proofread for incorrect homophones or typos and ensure the noun matches the context.

× But it's one of my dreams that I really aspire to learn how to ride a bicycle.

✓ But it is one of my dreams that I really aspire to achieve: learning how to ride a bicycle.

The original mixes a stative construction ('it is one of my dreams') with an infinitive phrase; while not strictly ungrammatical, clarity improves by using a noun form ('learning') or rephrasing. The verb tenses are fine, but the structure is awkward. Suggestion: use 'learning how to ride a bicycle' or 'to learn how to ride a bicycle' consistently; here 'aspire to learn' is acceptable, so an alternative correction is 'But it is one of my dreams to learn how to ride a bicycle.' Ensure parallel structure after verbs like 'aspire.'

× In my opinion, bikes aren't as popular as other countries in my country as there aren't uh, many bikes on the streets or in other individuals houses.

✓ In my opinion, bikes aren't as popular in my country as in other countries, as there aren't many bikes on the streets or in people's houses.

Two preposition problems: the comparison should be 'in my country as in other countries' not 'as other countries in my country.' Also 'in other individuals houses' is incorrect; use 'in people's houses' or 'in individuals' houses' with correct possessive form. Suggestion: place prepositional phrases so the compared items are parallel ('in my country' vs 'in other countries') and use the possessive form for 'people's'.

× However, some people, especially young ones, uh, try to ride bike.

✓ However, some people, especially young ones, try to ride bikes.

'Ride bike' is ungrammatical in this context; the count noun 'bike' needs plural when speaking generally: 'ride bikes' or use the verb phrase 'ride a bike.' Suggestion: use 'ride bikes' for general statements or 'ride a bike' for a single generic instance.