Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Improve grammar, tense consistency and expand slightly with one clear supporting detail. Begin with a correct topic sentence using past tense, then add a brief detail (where/what type/how you used it) linked by a short connector. Keep it natural and under five sentences.

例: Yes, I did. I had a small red bicycle when I was about eight, and I used to ride it around my neighborhood every afternoon. It helped me become more independent and made playing with friends easier.

提案: Clarify the idea and use complete sentences. State your opinion directly, then give specific reasons with linking words (for example, because/although). Avoid fragmented sentences and be more precise about who uses bikes and why. Keep to a maximum of five sentences.

例: I don't think bicycles are very popular in my country because most people prefer cars or public transport for daily commuting. For example, bicycles are mainly used by children or by people who cannot afford other transportation. Also, cities often lack safe bike lanes, which discourages many adults from cycling.

× Yes, I have a bike when I was a child.

✓ Yes, I had a bike when I was a child.

The student used present tense 'have' with a past time marker 'when I was a child'. This is a tense mismatch. Use past tense 'had' to match the past time reference. Suggestion: use past simple for completed past situations (I had a bike).

× I don't think so, because bikes are commonly used by those people who. Who is not able to commute?

✓ I don't think so, because bikes are commonly used by people who are not able to commute.

The original has a sentence fragment and incorrect clause separation: 'those people who.' followed by 'Who is not able to commute?' This splits the relative clause and creates a capitalized 'Who' mid-sentence. Also 'those people who' is wordy; 'people who' is sufficient. Combine into one sentence and use 'are not able' to form a correct relative clause. Suggestion: keep the clause together and avoid unnecessary 'those' or sentence fragments.