Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and grammatical: start with a clear topic sentence, avoid filler words (umm, uh), and complete sentences with necessary nouns. Add one brief supporting detail (why you liked it or a memory) and use a linking word if you add more than one point. Keep to 2–3 sentences.

例: Yes — I had a bike when I was about nine. My parents bought me a pink bicycle, and I loved riding it around the neighborhood because it made me feel independent.

提案: Improve grammar and clarity: use correct subject-verb agreement (bikes are), remove fillers, and express two clear reasons connected with linking words (for example, because / and). Make details specific (e.g., commuting, exercise, cost) and limit to 2–3 sentences.

例: Yes, bikes are quite popular in my country because many people use them to commute to work and school. In addition, cycling is a common form of exercise and a low-cost alternative to driving.

× Yes, of course. Umm, when I was around 9 years old and my parents, uh, bought me a very beautiful pink.

✓ Yes, of course. Umm, when I was around nine years old my parents bought me a very beautiful pink bike.

This sentence is missing a noun after the adjective 'pink' which makes the structure incomplete (sentence structure error). According to the provided list, this fits 'Sentence structure errors' because the verb clause 'my parents bought me' is fine but the object is omitted. Correction: add the missing noun 'bike' and remove the unnecessary conjunction 'and' so the sentence reads clearly. Also spell out numbers in words for fluent speech: 'nine' instead of '9'.

× Yes I do. I think that a bike are really uh, popular in my country.

✓ Yes I do. I think that bikes are really popular in my country.

The original uses singular subject 'a bike' with plural verb 'are', causing a subject-verb agreement error. According to the list this is 'Subject-verb agreement errors'. Fix by matching plural subject and verb: use 'bikes are' for a general statement about bicycles. Also remove filler words 'uh' and redundant 'really uh' to make the sentence natural.

× Like, umm, it's not on. Play, uh, is not only a vehicle, but, uh, it's also a tool for people, uh, for exercising.

✓ For example, it's not only a means of transport, but it's also a tool for people to exercise.

The original contains disfluent fragments ('it's not on. Play') and awkward structure 'for people for exercising'. This matches 'Sentence structure errors' because punctuation and word order break the meaning. Correction: replace 'Like, umm' with 'For example' or remove filler, use 'means of transport' instead of 'vehicle' for naturalness, and use an infinitive 'to exercise' after 'for people' to express purpose. Remove extra commas and filler 'uh' to improve clarity.