Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Good storytelling and vivid detail. To improve: make the response more concise and grammatically natural, avoid redundant connectors (e.g., remove 'although... but'), and include a clear topic sentence followed by one or two supporting details. Use a linking word correctly if contrasting ideas. Keep to maximum 5 sentences.

例: Yes. My father bought me a bright red bike when I was a child, and I was thrilled. I didn’t know how to ride at first, but I practiced every day and often fell, which left me with a few bruises. Eventually I learned to ride confidently and loved the freedom it gave me.

提案: Good content with reasons and personal link, but improve coherence and grammar. Start with a clear topic sentence, use appropriate linking words (for example, 'because' or 'so'), avoid awkward phrasing ('commute system'), and offer a specific example to support the claim. Keep sentences shorter and precise.

例: Yes, bikes are very popular in coastal areas of my country because people use them for commuting and for delivering goods. For example, many couriers use motorbikes to make quick deliveries, and locals often cycle to the market for short trips. I also enjoy riding because I grew up near the coast and it’s a convenient way to get around.

× I quite enjoy riding bikes because I'm from the coast area too.

✓ I quite enjoy riding bikes because I am from the coastal area too.

Replace 'coast area' with the adjective form 'coastal area' to correctly modify the noun. This is an adjective form error where a noun phrase was used instead of an adjective before a noun. Use 'coastal' when describing something relating to the coast.

× I was absolutely thrilled when my father bought for me my very first red bike.

✓ I was absolutely thrilled when my father bought me my very first red bike.

Remove the preposition 'for' after 'bought' because English uses the indirect object without 'for' in this structure: 'bought me a bike.' Using 'bought for me' is incorrect here and creates an awkward pronoun/preposition combination.

× Although I did not know how to ride a bike, but I tried very hard every single day despite all the bruises that I had gotten from falling off that bike.

✓ Although I did not know how to ride a bike, I tried very hard every single day despite all the bruises I got from falling off that bike.

Do not combine 'Although' with 'but'—they both signal contrast and should not be used together. Also simplify the past perfect 'had gotten' to simple past 'got' because the sequence of past actions is clear and does not require past perfect. This fixes sentence structure and tense redundancy.

× Bikes are quite popular in my country in the coastal areas due to its importance in commute system and also deliveries, while also some people use them for leisure.

✓ Bikes are quite popular in my country in the coastal areas due to their importance in the commuting system and for deliveries; some people also use them for leisure.

Use the plural pronoun 'their' to agree with plural antecedent 'Bikes' (pronoun agreement). Change 'its importance' to 'their importance.' Replace 'commute system' with 'commuting system' or 'public transport/commuting network' and use 'for deliveries.' Reorder and punctuate to separate ideas clearly ('; some people also use...').