Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Clarify and stay on topic, use correct tense and concise sentences. Begin with a direct topic sentence (Yes/No + brief detail), then add one or two specific supporting details linked with connecting words. Avoid irrelevant words (e.g., “bag” is incorrect for a bike/training wheels) and correct verb tense (use past tense for childhood).

例: Yes, I had a bike when I was a child. It was a small blue bicycle with two training wheels, which helped me learn to balance. I remember practicing every afternoon in the small park near my neighborhood, and after a few weeks I could ride without the extra wheels.

提案: Start with a clear opinion sentence, then give two concise, linked reasons with specific examples. Improve grammar and cohesion: use correct verb forms, plural/singular consistency, and linking words (for example, because, therefore, moreover). Avoid vague phrases and redundancy.

例: Yes, bikes are very popular in my country. They have become more common in large cities because cycling is often faster than driving during rush hour. For example, commuters can avoid traffic jams and save money on fuel, so many people choose bikes for short trips to work.

× Yes, I have a special bag.

✓ Yes, I had a special bag.

The examiner asked about the past ('when you were a child'), so the student should use past tense. 'Have' is present tense; change to 'had' to match the time frame. Suggestion: use consistent past-tense verbs when describing past possessions or experiences (e.g., 'I had a special bag').

× When I was very young, it was a bag with two extra wheels to help me keep balance.

✓ When I was very young, it was a bag with two extra wheels to help me keep my balance.

This sentence is in the past tense correctly, but misses the possessive pronoun 'my' before 'balance.' The omission makes the phrase unidiomatic. Add 'my' to show whose balance was helped. Suggestion: use 'help me keep my balance' when referring to oneself.

× I remembered I often practiced writing it in a small park nearby our neighborhood.

✓ I remember I often practiced riding it in a small park near our neighborhood.

Several problems: 'remembered' places the remembering in past narrative unnecessarily; 'often' with simple past usually uses 'remember' or 'I often practiced' depending on meaning. More importantly, 'writing it' is incorrect word choice for using a bike; the verb should be 'riding.' Also 'nearby our neighborhood' is unidiomatic; use 'near our neighborhood' or 'in a small park near our neighborhood.' Suggestion: say 'I remember I often practiced riding it in a small park near our neighborhood' or 'I often practiced riding it in a small park near our neighborhood.'

× Of course, and I found it has become more and more popular in my country, especially in those cities with a large population, because in those city traffic jams it can be a problem bothering people while riding back is a convenient way to go to work.

✓ Of course. I find that bicycles have become more and more popular in my country, especially in large cities, because traffic jams can be a problem there, and riding a bike is a convenient way to get to work.

Multiple tense and structure errors: 'I found' suggests past discovery; use present 'I find' to state a current observation. 'It has become' is acceptable but 'bicycles have become' is clearer. 'Those cities with a large population' is wordy; 'large cities' is natural. 'Because in those city traffic jams it can be a problem bothering people' is ungrammatical and awkward—subject and referents unclear; rephrase to 'traffic jams can be a problem there.' 'While riding back is a convenient way to go to work' misuses 'while' and 'riding back' is unclear; replace with 'and riding a bike is a convenient way to get to work.' Suggestion: keep present tense for general statements and use clear noun phrases ('bicycles', 'large cities') and concise clauses ('traffic jams can be a problem there').