Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Reduce filler words and hesitations, give a clearer topic sentence, and add one specific supporting detail connected with a linking word. Keep answers concise (max 5 sentences). Also correct small grammar errors (e.g., "one of the difficult parts" and finish the clause).

例: Yes, I had a bike when I was a child. I learned to ride it by myself in front of my house, which was quite fun. However, I fell off frequently and ended up with several scars on my knees, so I was careful for months after that.

提案: Avoid hesitations and plural/possessive errors ("young children" not "children's"). Start with a clear topic sentence, use linking words (for example, therefore, also) and give one or two specific reasons or examples. Keep language natural and varied.

例: Yes, bikes are quite popular in my country. For example, many young children and students use bicycles to commute to school, and others cycle with friends for exercise and leisure, so cycling is common in both daily transport and recreation.

× I remember learning how to ride a bike by myself, umm, in front of the house.

✓ I remember learning how to ride a bike by myself in front of the house.

Remove unnecessary commas; sentence is grammatically correct but extra commas around 'umm' are disfluent. Keep structure as present participle 'learning' to express a past memory. Suggestion: avoid filler words and unnecessary commas for clarity.

× Umm, it was quite fun.

✓ It was quite fun.

The original contains a filler 'Umm' which is not needed in written form. The sentence structure is simple past; removing the filler makes it grammatically correct and clearer.

× Umm, one of the difficult part during that time was I, I kept on falling down so I got a lot of uh scars on my knees because of.

✓ One of the difficult parts at that time was that I kept falling down, so I got a lot of scars on my knees.

Problems: singular/plural ('part' should be 'parts'), incorrect preposition ('during that time' -> 'at that time'), awkward clause order and unnecessary fillers, and an incomplete phrase 'because of' with no object. Also simplify 'kept on falling down' to 'kept falling down'. Suggestion: use 'one of the... parts' and include 'that' to introduce the clause; finish causal clause properly.

× Yes, I do think that bikes are popular in my country because a lot of young children's, umm, these days, they like to do exercise.

✓ Yes, I do think that bikes are popular in my country because a lot of young children these days like to exercise.

Errors: incorrect possessive form 'children's' should be plural 'children'; redundant subject 'they' after the clause; awkward phrasing 'do exercise' -> 'exercise'. Remove fillers and redundant commas. Suggestion: use 'children these days like to exercise' for natural subject-verb flow.

× So they purchase bikes to travel from schools, uh, from home to schools and to hang out with their friends.

✓ So they buy bikes to travel from home to school and to hang out with their friends.

Issues: 'purchase' is formal; 'from schools, from home to schools' is wrong order and plural; use 'from home to school' for a single journey; 'travel to school' or 'travel from home to school' is natural. Suggestion: replace 'purchase' with 'buy' and use singular 'school' when referring to the general journey.

× Umm, these are some activities.

✓ These are some activities.

Remove filler 'Umm'. The sentence is simple and correct, but omitting the filler makes it appropriate for written form and clearer.