Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Improve grammatical accuracy and clarity. Keep answers within 3–4 concise sentences: start with a clear topic sentence, then give 1–2 specific supporting details using correct verb forms and linking words. Fix common errors: use past tense consistently (e.g., “I used it”), correct noun/adj forms (“independence” and “confidence”), avoid contradictory words (“favorite bad times”), and simplify where unnecessary. Also vary vocabulary slightly (e.g., “cycling” instead of repeating “bike/bicycle”).

例: Yes — I had a bicycle when I was a child. I used it every day to cycle to school and to visit friends, which gave me independence and confidence. For example, riding around my neighborhood at the weekend was one of my favorite activities because it made me feel free and let me enjoy the fresh air.

提案: Be more concise and organized. Begin with a direct opinion, then give 1–2 clear, specific reasons with linking words. Avoid filled pauses (uh) and repetition. Use polite, measured language instead of exaggeration (e.g., “very hot” rather than “heat is like hell”). If relevant, add a short exception or comparison. Keep to 2–3 sentences maximum.

例: I don't think bicycles are very popular in my hometown. The climate in Aden, Yemen, is extremely hot and humid for much of the year, so people prefer motorbikes or cars for comfort. However, some people still use bikes for short trips or exercise.

× I use it every day to cycle to school and visit my friends, which helped me developed independency and confident.

✓ I used it every day to cycle to school and visit my friends, which helped me develop independence and confidence.

Mixed tense: main clause about childhood should be past tense ('used' not 'use'). 'helped me develop' requires base form after 'helped' not past tense 'developed'. 'independency' and 'confident' are incorrect word choices; use nouns 'independence' and 'confidence'. Suggestion: keep past tense consistent and use correct noun forms: 'I used it every day... which helped me develop independence and confidence.'

× For example, riding around my neighborhood on the weekend was one of my favorite bad times because it was giving me freedom and fresh air.

✓ For example, riding around my neighborhood on weekends was one of my favorite pastimes because it gave me freedom and fresh air.

Awkward collocation and word choice: 'favorite bad times' is incorrect; likely intended 'favorite pastimes'. 'on the weekend' is better as 'on weekends' for habitual past action. Use past tense 'gave' to match 'was'. 'was giving' is awkward continuous; simple past 'gave' is clearer. Suggestion: use correct collocations and consistent tense: 'riding around my neighborhood on weekends was one of my favorite pastimes because it gave me freedom and fresh air.'

× I don't think bikes are very popular in my country because I came from a country that, uh, the weather of the country always hot for, for example, I came from Yemen, Aden and the humidity is, is like a heat is like hell.

✓ I don't think bikes are very popular in my country because I come from a place where the weather is always hot. For example, I come from Aden, Yemen, and the humidity makes it feel extremely hot.

Tense and sentence structure: 'I came from' implies past; use present 'I come from' when stating origin. Redundant phrases 'the weather of the country' and 'for example' placement and repetition cause confusion. 'always hot for' is ungrammatical. Colloquial simile 'is like a heat is like hell' is inappropriate and ungrammatical; replace with 'makes it feel extremely hot'. Suggestion: use clear clause order, present tense for origin, remove fillers and repetitions: 'I come from Aden, Yemen, and the humidity makes it feel extremely hot.'

× But if you ask me.

✓ But if you ask me, I would say that bikes are not very popular.

Fragment: 'But if you ask me.' is a sentence fragment lacking a main clause (no verb or result). It needs completion to express what the speaker would say. Also provides clearer opinion. Suggestion: complete the conditional with the main clause, for example 'But if you ask me, I would say that...'.