Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Make the answer more natural and concise: start with a clear topic sentence, correct grammar and remove repetition. Add one specific supporting detail and a linking word. Keep it under five sentences.

例: Yes, I did. My grandfather gave me a bicycle when I turned twelve, and I remember being really excited because it was my first bike. For example, I rode it every afternoon to practice new tricks with my friends, which helped me become more confident on the road.

提案: Give a direct topic sentence, correct sentence structure and expand with a clear reason and a specific example using linking words. Avoid fillers and repetitions.

例: Not really — bicycles aren’t very popular in my city because the road infrastructure prioritizes cars and buses. For instance, there are few bike lanes and many narrow streets, so most people prefer driving or taking buses instead.

× 'It was given by my grandfather when I was when I turned to 12.'

✓ 'It was given to me by my grandfather when I turned 12.'

'Redundant and incorrect tense/structure: "was given by" is passive and acceptable, but "when I was when I turned to 12" is ungrammatical and redundant. Use "given to me" or keep passive and remove extra words. Also "turned to 12" is incorrect; say "turned 12" or "was 12". Suggestion: use "It was given to me by my grandfather when I turned 12."'

× 'At the time I was impressed because it was for the first time having a bike.'

✓ 'At the time I was excited because it was my first time having a bike.'

'Incorrect verb form and unnatural phrasing: "for the first time having a bike" is not natural English. Use "my first time having a bike" or better "my first bike". Also "impressed" is possible but "excited" or "happy" fits context better. Suggestion: use "At the time I was excited because it was my first bike."'

× 'No, it's not because of Rd. structure.'

✓ 'No, they are not popular because of the road structure.'

'Incorrect preposition and abbreviation: "because of Rd. structure" is unclear and ungrammatical. Use "because of the road structure" and match plural subject "bikes" with plural verb "they are". Also expand abbreviation Rd. to "road."'

× 'Uh, in our city roads are designed mainly for cars and buses, but but bikers, uh.'

✓ 'In our city, roads are designed mainly for cars and buses, but not for bikers.'

'Incomplete sentence and subject-verb agreement/parallelism: The original ends abruptly with "but bikers". Add preposition phrase "not for bikers" to complete contrast. The verb "are designed" correctly agrees with "roads," but the sentence needs completion and parallel structure. Suggestion: use "but not for bikers."' }]} completion.